Why in the f@#k when your parents re-marry, they always marry pieces of
shit that ALWAYS try to friggin make you THINK they care about you and
in turn don't give 2 shits about you? My parents got a divorce
and....MY GOSH!!! MAN it pisses me off!! My step-dad and I almost got
in a f@#king fist fight tonight!! He kept throwing shit, shit and more
shit in my face JUST to hurt me on purpose (HATE it when pieces of crap
people do that) and, well, I used to be the guy that took it all the
time. Trust me, I've been with enough women who did that to me just to
get a rise out of me and piss me off on purpose and it didn't work which
made them angrier. Well, I'm single now and am getting the bullshit
from my step-dad and I've learned to stand up for myself instead of
being a doormat and take it. Trust me, after being in pain for over 3
years, it kind of takes a toll on you and I'll explain that in a minute.
I took it for a little bit but, he kept on and on and on and then I LOST
IT!! My own step-dad!!(actually I'll say my mom's husband because I
don't want to use him and dad in the same sentence). I stood up to him
and he didn't like it at ALL and I walked right up to him and told him
he better f@#king lay off and it would NOT be a good idea if he
continued and all he did was look at me and pull the same childish
bullshit anyone else would do and said, "Go ahead, hit me, hit me!"
Well, actually, by law, if someone tells you to do that, witness or
not....you can....and get away with it. My dad is an ex-cop and he told
me it isn't illegal to hit someone if they look at you and act all big
shot and pull that shit. My dad said, you have every legal right to hit
them and they can't press charges on you. I didn't believe it at first
and told my dad, you have to be kidding me and you're pulling my leg
but, my dad said, "Nope, it's the truth...it's legal because they're
inviting you to do it and are DUMB enough to give you permission
so...they made it a law saying if anyone is STUPID enough to say "Hit
Me" they said they were stupid enough to get hit...therefore, not being
illegal." Well, my step-dad said it to me tonight and you know what I
did??.....walked away...even though he said to do it. I had the
invitation and...did not take the invite and lately I've had a LOT of
problems and aggression I've needed to cut loose and would've been the
perfect opportunity but....didn't do it and trust me....he asked for
it....10 fold but....let it go. Now, I just hate him 10 times worse
than I did before!! Unfortunately, here's the downfall and I know a lot
of you will probably laugh at this but....I unfortunately have to stay
with them for a while until a BIG mess gets solved so I can get on with
my life. I got hurt at work REALLY bad, am going through a LOT of
stress and depression from workman's comp and all sorts of bullshit and
workman's comp is trying to find a way to cut me off of pay but, can't
find a good reason to and when they cut me off temporarily, my attorney
will fight to get it back for me but, if I got cut off, I'd have no
income and wouldn't have a place to live. I have been on my own for 11
years and am NOT proud to be living with my mother!! I didn't even ask
her! She's like, well if you get cut off you won't have a place to live
so we would like you to come live here until this WHOLE MESS gets
cleaned up, plus, we want you to live in a stress free environment so
you can feel better menatally and physically. Well, stress free my
ass!! My step-dad (sorry, my mother's husband) knows my situation that
I'm going through all of this and did to me what he did, knowing I'm
REAL vulnerable right now and THEN when I stand up to him....he looked
at me and told me to "Hit him" actually it was pretty much an "I dare
you" look. Yeah, big bad as ex-Vietnam vet!! Giving someone a hard
time on PURPOSE, who is hurt and going through the WORST time in his
life physically and mentally because he thinks he can get away with it!!
So, does anyone have any bright ideas on....how I might be able to fix
the situation!! Like I said, yeah, it probably might sound kind of
funny but, believe me....to me...it's not. Not at all!! Stress
free....that's funny shit!! So, I'd figure I'd come on here and ask for
some advice from people to see what they would do if they were in my
shoes....Thanks for the help....trust me....I appreciate it...

Sorry to hear of your problems.
I have been a stepfather and it's not an easy thing for anyone involved.
It sounds like you're between a rock and a hard place and you're
probably going to have to back off to maintain the peace until you have
other options. I would refuse to get into the squabbles. Go for a walk
or a drive. A hasty decision made in anger may do more harm than good.
Someone has to be the adult.. and it doesn't sound like it's going to be
him.

I think you need to research the legality of hitting someone even if
they tell you to. There are laws pertaining to provocation, but it would
be up to a judge to intrepet them and make a decision. First of all,
it's not going to solve anything and second, in most jurisdictions,
involvement in a domestic dispute will result in someone going to jail.

Yeah, I know. I walked away. I don't like fighting! When in a
fight...no one EVER wins or loses.... They're both stupid people for
getting into the fight in the first place... But, my mom's husband
doesn't think so. He brags about that shit!! I....on the other
hand....avoid it, even when I wasn't hurt, I avoided it. I don't like
it and don't believe in it. I just don't know what to do.......I'm so
confussed....just don't know what to do....

I would really like to know where your Mother was when all this
fighting was taking place. I think women have a bad habit of letting
their darling husband get away with things they shouldnt. Especially
when the husband is picking on her kids.
Even though you are an adult, your Mother should have intervened. I
would make it clear from the beginning of the marriage that each partner
should always respect each others
families. Women need to have more balls and get a very tight hold on the
balls of their offending husbands!

Well, first off I want to commend you on not hitting him. I've always
thought that it takes a bigger man to walk away from a fight that it
does to throw a punch. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this...but
I'm gonna try to help as best I can

Second, consider the source when he's giving you shit. He's not
anything to you but your mother's husband. You have to be respectful
because you are living in his house. Respect the position...not the
person. Just like a boss that's an asshole...you kinda have to just
deal because of the current situation. The worker's comp thing will get
cleared up and you can get out of there eventually.

I've had the same situation with my own father. He gave me shit for
years and yelled at me for things my mom had done during and after their
divorce. I took it for years and years. When I had finally had enough
(like 15 years of BS) and he started in on me again I stood up for
myself. Now, I didn't yell back...I just said, "None of what you're
bitching about is my doing. It's not my fault." So he continues
yelling. So I was like, "This is fucking stupid...I'm leaving." And he
got in my face and threatened to punch me. So, I go to leave and he
tells me to never come back. So I said, "okay." and walked out.
Haven't spoken to him since.

I look back on that day and I'm proud of myself for staying cool. I
never yelled...I never got aggressive...I got fed up and just removed
myself from the situation.

Have you talked to your mom about this? I mean just her without him
there. Maybe you should if you haven't already. Don't be nasty about
it or seem aggressive. Just explain to her what is happening and how
you FEEL about it. If she truly wants your life to be easier and for
you to have less stress then she needs to know that this is happening
and how it is affecting you. Maybe she can say something to him and
he'll listen to her.

I can say that you did do something that I wouldn't have done. I
wouldn't have made the comment about "if he continued it wouldn't be a
good idea". He seems like the type of person that isn't going to back
down to a comment like that and it probably just made him become more of
an asshole. He kinda seems like a bully.

I'd talk to mom and try to avoid him. Ignore his bullshit and don't
take his bait. Bullies generally stop when they no longer get a
reaction. I know that it's hard to ignore his shit, but try it. Let
him talk his shit and just stand there and listen...then just walk away.
Get angry...get pissed off...feel whatever, just don't let him know.
Maybe if he thinks he's not affecting you and he doesn't get a reaction
then he'll stop. Don't let him have the satisfaction of knowing he
pissed you off. Let him thinks he's wasting his effort because his
comments are falling on deaf ears.

He may never stop. Some people are just assholes at heart and no matter
what you do they are always an asshole. You have to be okay with that
too. In that case, try to avoid being around him. Sometimes you might
have to be around him...but if it's not necessary then remove yourself
from it.

Just my opinion and it might be totally wrong. Let me know if there is
anything else that I can do to help...if ya need to vent I'm here for
ya...

~hugs~

Well, have to say thanks for all the opinions so far. It was indeed
good to see. To answer Dee Dee's question, "Where was my mother when
all this happened?" Well, she was at work at the time. That's when he
starts his shit, is when she's gone and doesn't bring it up when she
gets home. That's the thing too, he only works when he feels like it.
She has a full time job w/overtime and a lot of the time he just lazies
around the house and my mom buys into his bullshit. He said, "Yeah, go
ahead and go cry to your mom when she get's home like you always do
(even though I don't). I never say anything!" Yeah, because he causes
it all. Well, when my mom got home you wanna know what I did? I went
to her, in person, with him sitting there RIGHT in front of her so he
could hear me, instead of talking behing his back. You wanna know what
my mom did? She pulled the poor me, poor me shit and said you guys were
putting me in the middle. I started talking calmly and he started
raising his voice again and I looked at him RIGHT in his face and said,
"You wanna lower your voice, I'm not yelling" then he pipes up like a
little child and says, "Oh, I'm sorry, It's all my fault, I forgot,
you're the good one!" I wanted to RIP HIS FUCKING LUNGS OUT!! but, of
course, did not(because he's still breathing right now). I left, my mom
came back here to talk to me and she told me that she knew he was the
one being wrong but, you think she told him that, when he started his
shit RIGHT in front of her? Nope, she just sat there and let it happen
and said this to me when it was just her and I together. She is SO
snowballed by his bullshit and thinks he's the BEST IN THE WORLD!! I'm
trying to find a way to get out of here and I told her, with the way I'm
being treated here, today, I will NEVER forget this day!! and will be
lucky if I ever speak to ANY of you guys ever again!! This is my OWN
MOTHER!! My mom even said that in her will, she's got his ungratful
fucking kids in there too!! Just like my dad. My dad owns a bar and a
house and his wife is going to get her mits on that too!! My sister and
I are SCREWED and by pieces of shit re-marries!! We have to pay for my
parents' mistakes!! My dad doesn't put up with my step-mom's bullshit
anymore like he used to. Actually, my step-mom has calmed down now and
has become quite tolerable but....my mom is STILL snowballed by his so
called "GREATNESS". It's not even HIS house that I'm living in, it's my
mom's. And he said one day, even when my mom was sitting there when him
and I got into it, he said, "Fine, I'll just divorce your mom and take
half of the house!!" You wanna know what she did? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!
She just sat there!! My mom likes to play victim. She always likes to
feel she's being picked on but, yet, with this guy, she let's him do
WHATEVER he wants....and doesn't say anything, even though he did
this.....to her own son. The only thing I want to do, is have all of
this work comp shit get done, I want to move away from here and I want
to go back to school for music, like my dream is, and live my own life!!
Then, I'll never look back. But, I have a feeling I have SO long to
go!! I even told my mom today that I just want to get out of here and I
don't even know when I want to speak to you guys ever again and all she
said is, "Well, if that's the way fate has it, then I guess that's what
it will be." I didn't want her to be like, "oh no, please don't go", I
don't play those games. But, that's all she said. I think if she
would've said NOTHING it would've been better. If my mom wants to live
this kind of life and just be fooled.....then, I'm going to let her and
I don't care anymore and actually....I really don't because I've tried
to talk and talk and talk to her about it and she NEVER listens
and......I'm not going to waste my breath. If he is going to treat me
like this, I could give a shit less if he's married to my mother or
not.....it's her punishment....not mine and she is old enough to know
better but, she's yet so blind. Like I said, she has to live with the
cock sucker for the rest of her life.....I don't. I want out of here
SO bad but....I don't know if I have anywhere to go. I don't think I do
so....I'm stuck. All I want to do is be on my own, have my own life,
maybe meet someone who I can love and vice versa. I'll tell ya what, if
I meet someone who has kids, I'm NEVER going to treat those kids....like
my mom's husband treated me.....NO WAY!! Those kids will be able to
come to me for EVERYTHING!! LOL!! even prom money one day!! And you
know what....I'll be happy to give it to them too!!