I have seen that there are quite a few people on here that have
disabilities and some have found relationships very hard because of
them.

Well, maybe this will give you guys a bit of hope....

2.5 years ago, I had parked my 18-wheeler in a rest area in Louisiana
for the night. In the middle of the night I was awakened by severe chest
pains. I called 911 and was taken to a local clinic and they immediately
called Lifesaver to transport me to Shreveport where I required a
quadruple bypass. After a week or so I returned home and a few weeks
later I had another episode that required that I have an Implanted
Cardiac Defibrillator put in. I have recovered fairly well but was
forced to apply for disability so my income is extremely limited.
A few months later I was talking to a lady that I had met on a dating
site. We had dated a few times and called it quits because neither of us
was willing to move. We started talking and dating. Then a year and a
half ago, she moved here to Alabama to be with me. She found a job and
we work together here at home to make our lives the best they can be. I
am so thankful that at one of the lowest points in my life that I was
able to find such a wonderful woman. There's not many that would enter
into a relationship with a person in my financial and physical
condition. And I know that she cares about me for ME! She's definitely
not after my money!
And the reality is that now we seem richer than ever. I surprised her on
Christmas by fulfilling a dream of hers of taking her on a cruise. I
used money I had been saving for the down payment on a motorcycle. Then,
at tax time, she helped fulfill a dream of mine by letting me use the
tax refund for the down payment on my bike. Money is tight but we are
enjoying life. Her birthday is this month and I am taking her to see
Cats (the play, not at the animal shelter.) since she has always wanted
to go to a play.
So hang in there. It can happen. Physically, I'm in fair shape.
Financially, we get by. But in life, I'm at the highest point in my
life. And I wouldn't trade what I have now for perfect health and a
winning lottery ticket!
As the saying goes, it's always darkest before the dawn.... so hang in
there and I hope it dawns for you guys too!!

Regrets? I have one.... my helicopter ride that night cost 27 grand and
I didn't get to see a damn thing!!!!!

Well, what would you say, about this one.... I'm 30 years old. I've
NEVER been married and don't have any children. I got hurt REAL bad at
work and had to get 2 back surgeries and now have a PERMANENT nerve
problem in my legs. Workman's comp has been a NIGHTMARE and have
already tried to screw me over once already but, my attorney and I
caught them. They told me that the doctor they had me see said I could
go back to work with a sit/stand 5lb weight restriction and work comp
put me through a STUPID ASS job rehab program!! Well, as it turns out,
the doctor said in the file that "All restrictions are to be made by
your ACTUAL doctor" and said NOTHING about me going back to work at ALL,
like work comp said I had to do! They tried to hide the file from us
but, a source (who I will love for this)ratted them out and said that
the file said NO SUCH THING!! I told my attorney and the attorney
DEMANDED the file from work comp and they hesitated a GREAT DEAL giving
it to my attorney but, they FINALLY had to. They tried to trick me into
going back to work by creating a FALSE restriction that didn't even
exist!! What would you do about that? So, needless to say I don't
trust them AT ALL anymore and am going through a lot of physical pain
AND a lot of mental pain that...I need help for. So, what would you do
in this situation? I feel like a useless piece of crap right now. I've
been on my own for 11 years and now that I'm 30, since work comp is
trying to find a reason to cut me off, my mom said, if they cut you off
you won't have any income and you won't have a place to live so, we want
you to come live here. Well, my mom's husband (she remarried a fucking
loser!) started throwing shit in my face today, JUST to hurt me mentally
on purpose and the way my pain is, I get angry VERY quickly. I used to
be a doormat but, my pain over the 3 years I've been dealing with it,
has caused me to FINALLY stand up for myself and NOT take any shit from
ANYBODY!! So, he's kept throwing and throwing and throwing until I had
ENOUGH!! My mom's husband thinks he's a badass (he's an ex-Vietnam vet
and thinks he's ALL THAT!). Knowing I'm hurt he did this BUT, I don't
let me being hurt, stop me from being walked on so, I walked up to him
and told him, while I was TOTALLY shaking, advised him he better quit!!
Now, my mom told me to move in here so I wouldn't have to live in a
stressful household (I left my ex to come live here because she was
treating me VERY poorly. That's what I meant by stressful household.)
Now, he's doing all this shit to me, knowing the condition I am in
physically AND mentally thinking he can get away with it because I'm
hurt and can't do anything about it and STILL walked up to him and VERY
clearly warned him, he looked at me and said..."Go ahead, hit me, hit
me!" TOTALLY pushing my buttons on purpose to see what he could get
away with and when I faced him he got pissed! Now, what would you do
about that situation? My mom says to move in here to be in a stress
free environment and he pulls this shit on me!! I left one stress free
environment and went RIGHT back into another one!! I don't know what to
do anymore..... I SO bad want to get on with my LIFE!! but, I'm at
their mercy and have no choice!! I HAVE to do something about all of
this!! If I don't do something.....I'll go CRAZY!! Well, I'm going
crazy right now but....it'll get....a LOT worse! Why would he pull this
shit on me!! He knows what I'm going through and doesn't even care!!
My mom didn't do a FUCKING thing about it other than tell me, yes he was
wrong to do what he did but, left it at that!! WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING
TO DO!! I'm SO confussed, lost, messed up, depressed, in pain....ALL
these things at once!! Can you help me?

Plus, about what you said, there not being that many women out there who
would take a guy in your shoes? How do you think I feel? I'm only 30!
I've never been married, don't have any kids or have my own family!!
How do you think I feel.... I'm going to be SO lonely.....but....can do
nothing about it....

goin' thru some of th same shit man and I'll tell you I know what yer
talking about...looks like you need to take th ol'bastard out hunting
and....oooops,it just went off,while I was cleaning some dirt out of
it,,,um,I don't know,,,or maybe fishin,,,can he swim?not really but if
you act like you want to be his friend,and just smile when he starts his
shit...pisses 'em off more...did that enough to my step ,(back when they
were still married)...that he went on a two month drunk,and tried to run
my mom out of her own house...he got escourted out by th cities
finest...and my mom's .38 up his drunk nose...not my fault,,,he was th
drunk one officer...
there is alway more options if you look hard enough to find them
good luck with you dude...hope this helps or at least gets a giggle from
you man...later...

well...this may sound mean fly..but you should sneak up on that asshole
and yell "BANG" real loud behind his head and see if the fucker
jumps...he likes to play games? see how he likes it.. I'm sure he's got
a little trauma from 'Nam unless he was one of those rear echelon
pussies. Better yet..light off a string of fire crackers near him and
watch him hit the dirt, then point and laff at him.
Ok ok, I know kinda childish, just trying to get ya to smile.
But seriously, try sitting down and asking him if he'd treat a crippled
veteran the same way he treats you. You may not have fought in a war,
but your injuries are no less traumatic.
I know how you feel having been injured so badly at such a young age, I
thot my life was over at 25 when I had my accident.
I've even tried to end it a few times since then.
If I was you, I'd be talking to my lawyer about suing worker's comp for
falsifying records and putting your health at unacceptable risk. Not to
mention the emotional distress. What they tried to pull of was fraud
pure and simple. Let's face it, anyone tries to defraud worker's comp
and they get fucked, why should comp be allowed to get away with it?
Go get 'em Fly!!! At least that way you may be able to gain the
financial security you need to get the hell outta there and have a life.

Good Afternoon Fly,
I've gone through the same thing as you but with my knee. Five knee
surgeries alot of rehap and "PAIN"!!! The doc cut a nerve to the quad
muscle. I couldn't get another doc to stand up in court for me. I spent
over 2 years in a wheelchair. Everything that you described... Useless
to repeat as you said it so well.
My injury happened in 1993. I had a diffucult time with doc's telling me
the pain was in my head. I'm female.I was 42 when the injury happened,
and in a sucessfull relationship. Physically he was there all the time;
whatever I needed he was right by my side.
Chicken Little said, "The Sky Fell" lolol
I got involved in some support groups.
Seeing a counselor and being totally honest with "myself" made it easier
to be honest with the counselor. If I may be honest with you, instead of
spending negitive engery trying to figure out ways to get back at
anyone, try to rethink the situation. No one can tell you what to do, or
they shouldn't. "Congrats" for standing up to him. If that is what you
indeed did... Now go one step further. Even though he is aware of your
issues and what U are going through, "NO ONE" knows what it is like!
Until they are in your shoes.
The dispair, feeling of uslessness, the "stress" you have will get
better. Most likely for all that have disabilities will find that true
at some point. Working through your "FEELINGS" writing them down in a
notebook called Journaling may help also. Just a sugestion. Each person
has their own way of dealing with all the issues involved. I personally
found that being "Positive" was a start for me.
Everyone with a disability is faced with being different in their own
way. It may be on the outside where it can be seen or the inside where
it is hidden. People can see the outside differences. They can also see
the inside ones.
The inside ones show as anger, greif, despair, and I could continue on
with hundreds of adjitives describing the way it shows. They are only
words.
What matters is how you get involved with your disability.
I could tell you how I dealt with things. All of us with disabilities
can tell you. That doesn't mean that what we did that worked for us will
work for you.
In closing for you Fly,
Be who you are and say what you honestly feel, because those who mind
don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.
If you want to chat email me here.
nightowl...
PS...15 yrs later... I'm still disabled,and still have pain, But I've
relearned alot about myself that I thought I already knew. I am on top
of the world now."Living life" "Relax and Smile"
Owl...

Thank you, Usadad, I needed to hear that, a lot!

3 years ago I woke up one morning and couldn't turn my head to the left.
Within 2 months I was in having the first surgery I'd ever had in my
life, neck surgery to remove a herniated disc and replace it with a
metal plate. Needless to say, I was terrified but not given much
choice. At that point, it was either surgery or severe unrelenting neck
and arm pain and the possible loss of my left arm because the herniated
disc was pressing on the nerves into my left arm.

Well, the surgery went pretty good, but unfortunately I got into a car
accident 6 months later, of course no such luck that someone else hit
me. Just me on a bad road in winter conditions and I spun out. Maybe
for someone else, this would have been no big deal, but for someone
still recovering from a neck surgery, well.... I havent been able to
work since.

I havent dated in 4 years. It started out I needed a break from
relationships. Then I hurt my neck.

Now that I am want to start dating, I've been avoiding the issue because
of the fact that I feel like I don't have much to offer another person.
I am still on disability, and I have severe pain still every day with no
health insurance (work was nice enough to "let me go" because I couldn't
work) so I just deal with it in my own ways.

Nice to know there is hope out there.

Thank you for sharing your story.

:)

usadad, I am very glad you put in this topic. Why is it that it seems
like all of the REALLY bad stuff happens to REALLY great people. After
all of this happened to me, I felt like it was happening to me because
of all the bad things I have done in my life. Sometimes, I still feel
this way. I wish we all lived closer so, we could all sit and talk to
each other and support each other....sometimes a keyboard doesn't seem
to cut it. A lot of other people say to us, "I know how you feel" or
"I've had it bad before" but, have no clue. I don't know why this is
all happening to me and all of you....it just happens. And after my
mom's husband and I got into that HUGE, HUGE fight, it makes me think,
actually KNOW that he's a worthless piece of shit, here, just sponging
off of my mom, which he is. I wish I had more people around here like
you guys to talk to in person. Meet up maybe twice a week and just talk
and talk and be there for each other. Sometimes, I just feel like that
I'll be in support groups, listening to all of this, instead of being at
home, listening to my own family or a significant other talking like
this to me. I know I'm not alone but, sometimes I feel like it and by
seeing all of you....I know I'm not. Some people have a hard time
speaking out, letting other people know how they feel but, I've never
had that hard time. Some of the people who are hurt and disabled, don't
talk to other people because they think that other people don't want to
hear it. I talk to other people and think they don't want to hear it,
actually both ways. I talk and don't talk. Sometimes I just wish it
would all come to an end.....then I won't have to suffer anymore.
People take their health for granted and say, wow, better them than me
then all of a sudden, it happens and they feel the same way we do but,
even if someone said those things to me and something like this did
happen to that person.....I'd never push them away. I don't know why
this is all happening....I don't. I know I want answers but....have a
feeling I won't get them until later....or maybe never at all. Now, me
living here at my mom's...I feel SO uncomfortable and SO
unwelcome....and it's my own mother!!! I woke up today with my gut just
WRENCHING because I felt so uncomfortable. My mom told me to leave my
ex because she was being absolutely HORRIBLE to me and putting a lot of
stress in my life and then when I did and come here....I had to move in
here with a piece of shit, I'm living with now!! They just think they
are SO fucking PERFECT and they don't cause ANY stress on any other
people!! They say they stay alone at home because the don't want the
stresses out there to mess with their life but, when I come in
here.....they cause it for me. Talk about fucking hypocrites!! As for
taking my mom's husband out hunting or fishing Public and Michael, TRUST
me!! I would LOVE too!! You have NO idea how bad I want to go out in
that living room....at THIS SECOND...and put my fucking fist RIGHT
THROUGH his fucking SKULL!! With all of the hate and anger I have in my
body right now....trust me....I'm NOT worried about me!!! That's why I
keep my distance and am trying SO hard to control myself!! Monday, I'm
going to see what I can do about getting out of here and going somewhere
else but.....unfortunately....I don't think there is anywhere else I can
go!! I want him out of here and out of my mom's life SO fucking bad
because I KNOW he is just using her for a place to live and has her SO
FUCKING SNOWBALLED into believing his line of bullshit!! My mom is SO
blind and I even told her that and she's like "oh no, oh no, he's a
wonderful person but, he just has the same temperment as you do and
doesn't back down either" Yeah, what a real man, starting a fight with
someone who has a bad back injury!! Doesn't matter....I'd STILL take
his ass out behind the shed!! No matter how BAD I am....trust me....I'm
NOT afraid of that piece of shit!! I'm not afraid of what he'd do to
me.....I'm afraid of what I'd do to him.....that's what keeps me at one
end of the house and keeps him up there!! He talks so big and bad and
brags that he was in Vietnam and went through hell and said he got his
teeth blown out by a grenade and had other injuries....but, lacks to
bring forward the purple heart he would've gotten!! He always brags
about he can blow this up and blow that up and sneak up on somebody when
they're sleeping and they wouldn't even know he was there!! He is SO
full of shit!! He is a LIAR, a SPONGER, and brought up to me when my
mom was sitting there in front of us, "You have NO idea how much I love
your mother and would do anything for her!!" and says how upset and sad
he is when she is out there working a FULL TIME JOB w/overtime that he
wishes he could make her stop working and he'd do it all!! But, yet,
day by day, is still sitting his ass, in this house, drinking beer and
not doing shit!! My mom is like, "oh when he's home and does some house
cleaning and takes care of things here so I don't have to it's SO
wonderful because when I get home I don't have to!" and just sits there
and smiles!! AAGGGHHHH I FUCKING HATE BOTH OF THEM!! He's not even
supposed to be drinking because the doctor said he can't because my mom
has already spent a shit load of money getting him, somewhat fixed, and
then he turns around and is still drinking, knowing my mom will bail his
ass out again just because he's a fucking alcoholic, drunk!! He got
fired from 1 job because he drank on the job and was a little drunk but,
told my mom some bullshit lie.....and she believed him saying, "oh
everyone keeps picking on him!!" He's a fucking piece of shit loser and
she's fucking stupid for believing him!!! When I am out of
here....whatever she gets....she deserves!! I used to feel sorry for
her and that's what she wants....people to feel sorry for her!! I've
tried to talk to her telling her all of this and she WON'T listen to
me!! Thinking he's a fucking SAINT believing EVERY line of bullshit he
hands to her!! I've tried to tell her and she won't even LISTEN to
ANYTHING I say!! When I get out of here and if anything happens to
her.....I won't even care because she'll have deserved it because I've
tried to tell her and she won't listen!! He won't fuck up
though....he's got it too good, being taken care of!! That's why he
argues with me when she's not home!! But, got him to do it yesterday in
front of her....and she STILL didn't do anything!! When we almost threw
down yesterday and she was sitting right there, she did NOTHING to stop
it!! All she said was, "Guys, I'm right here, I'm right here, I'm
sitting right here!!" Not doing ANYTHING about it and just pulling the
"poor me, poor me" bullshit!! Fuck em both. I know it's my mom but,
it's VERY hard to respect someone.....who is doing all of this shit!!
If I had a kid and my wife was treating MY kid like this, I'd be telling
her to get the fuck OUT, especially if I saw it was her fault and she
started it!!!

I am 27yrs old..born and raised and still in Alabama..born with Spina
Bifida..which means I have to use a wheelchair..and it is EXTREMELY
difficult to find men that will look past the chair and see just
me..seems that they don't understand that the disability is A PART of
the person but not THE ONLY PART..We are still people and desire the
things that able bodied/healthy people do.