Because although a lesson may be learned and it hurts, while it's happening or the leading up to it can be all the fun in the world.


1. When a guy says, "Either take off your clothes or you can leave and find another place to sleep," in a serious voice, he is using you for his own benefit. Do yourself a favor, leave.

2. Acting "gangsta" near the black fraternity house, Alpha Phi Alpha, is not funny. Angry black guys is just scary. Especially if you are all of 130 lbs, 5'8", and extremely white.

3. When you pull a "walk-by" to get into a club or bar you shouldnt go back out the front door 5 minutes later to use your phone because you cant hear. Chances are, you are still freshly imprinted in the minds of the I.D. checkers at the door and they will recognize you and the fact that there is no X or a 21 band on your wrist.

4. Calling a sorority girl a "sorostitute" within her hearing range gets you a persona non grata status at the offending sorority house.

5. Getting in a fight at the bar will be remembered and recalled everytime you go out with the witnessing people.

6. Just because you are in a class with 400 other people and you are in 1 section of 45 doesnt mean the teacher doesnt notice you sleeping in the cheap seats of the auditorium. Or that she wont call you out on it.

7. Smoking Hookah on the ELV patio at midnight doesnt mean that it will be quiet and relaxing. Contrar, it usually means you will have 20 other people with you at just your table, with 5 more tables out there. And there will be plenty of yelling, arguing, and "theorizing." And you will die of 2nd hand smoke.

8. "The Walk of Shame" is best done on a Sunday morning or extremely early Saturday morning of a football game. No one will be up and anyone who is is probably still drunk.

9. Walking by University High Lab School during morning drop off is not fun. Lots of little kids running around. Parents give you dirty looks because you are one of those dirty college kids. And the sound of teenage perversion will fill your ears. (Just because it says high school doesnt mean its 9-12. Oh no. It's K-9.)

10. Tequila is not your friend. At all. Ever. It makes things sway before your eyes. Light bulbs become overly bright. Friends lose focus. Walking is not an option. Moving vehicles are fun to walk towards. Food sounds good but smells disgusting. And more often than not, you find yourself with you head in a toilet (or sink) and then a garbage can.

11. Upper classmen get pissy when it's midnight, the library is closing, and you have to tell them they have to leave. You will hear, "But Im studying. I have a TEST tomorrow. A test. Do you not get that I have a test?" You will be hated.

12. Just because a guy says he has a girlfriend doesnt mean you wont get any action. It does mean he wont talk to you the next day with his girlfriend on his arm. Nay, he will turn red and shift his eyes unfocusingly off you and walk by a little bit faster than usual.

13. Dont eat popcorn before you go out for the night. When you puke later on because you dont know the lesson about tequila, you feel like you have little elves performing the Nutcracker in ice skates on your tonsils.

14. When crossing the street, particularly Highland, if you are not in a crosswalk you are still fairgame in the game of "Tagged by a Car." The myth about "if you are hit by a car on campus, you get free tuition" is not true. Do not believe the hype.

15. Yelling, "Puppies and SUNSHINE, Asshole!" at the top of your lungs of the car that plays "Tagged by a Car" is not the best thing to do, especially if the driver is another college student, which it will be. It also gets you some very funny looks from other pedestrians.

16. Just because you spent the night in someone else's dorm room in YOUR own dorm doesnt mean that there isnt a "Walk of Shame" the next morning. There is. It may be shorter and you can make it faster, but there is.

17. When something awkward happens between you and someone else or them and one of your best friends, chances are: you will see that person EVERYWHERE. And it will still be slightly awkward.

18. Thursday nights are for going out. Unless you have to work before your straight 5 hours of class the next moring. Then it is for sleeping.

19. Saturday morning practice is done best sober and not hungover. You just arent up to par when you are still slurring your speech and you have a headache the size of Alaska.

20. Turn off your phone when you go out for the night. It's best to not pick it up and start calling random people. You usually say things that get you in trouble and give you a reputation.