a coffee date is only a few dollars, i think out of curtiousness, the guy should still pay, at least offer

Seems we've had a lot of these threads lately.

agreed. there are a lot less ladies and gentlemen in the world these days. you see how crude people are wherever you go. its nice to know there are still some of us out there!

Speaking for myself only, offering to pay my share does not indicate whether I've had a good or bad date. It just makes sense, especially in the beginning, as we're just getting to know each other.

I think it really depends on a guy. I've paid for dates before and not been seen as a buddy, rather than a date. If they're a bit more old fashioned, I guess that could happen, though.

i was raised that the man payed for the date but alot of women feel offended if they cant help pay so i always ask i dont mind as long as im not going to an expensive resturaunt i just dont see spending a fortune on a dinner i like the buffets like western sizzlin an such.

really what's up with this topic being so popular - I mean what IS the big deal?

yes I know singme - I don't know if it's a matter of being old fashioned or not, and I agree a lot of it seems to be more a matter of what people are used to or how they have been raised - I do not see a "right" or "wrong" here as far as answer to this

there's no rule book

I can see why it's a big deal for some men. Some women here have made a big deal about how a man has to pay/take charge/whatever for it to be a good date, or for them to be interested. Someone (I forget who) said she even offers to pay, but if he accepts that offer, she won't see him again. So, I can definitely see why people are asking about this often.

true - some also prolly aren't aware of the previous threads on this topic if they are new - that's what I was thinking - we had the topic recently - but I think the OP is fairly new & was not here then

Right. Most people do not search to see if their topic has already been covered.

im a newby, and didnt know there was already a similar thread. i just added my opinion to the most current things happening

I'm taking donations!

right. even if the topic has been covered before - it's bound to come up again

and I think it's just nice to participate when new folk start topics too. a more welcoming way

but I understand how Ruth feels - we have had the topic a lot - you'd be amazed all the different opinions and different ways of doing things that people have

id imagine on a dating style site that yes, it would come up a lot. and im not suprised at all about all the different ways that people do things. thats what makes us human

some of us were bought up the old way, drop your jacket on a puddle for the lady, always open the door, pay for dinner etc. there are always going to be people on the opposite side of the spectrum

I bring enough cash to handle my half. If he assumes dutch, we go dutch. If he is someone with no chance in Hades with me by the end of dinner even if he tries to pay the full check, I put in half. I only let you pay the whole check if I think there is potential.

Clue to anyone who dates me, if I go into "my big girl panty" mode and start insisting mid-date on doing things myself and paying, you have no shot. If I say, I will carry my own stuff and walk myself to the car, and let myself in the car, you said or did something that slotted you out of "potential boyfriend" and into "story to write a bad poem about later".

The one that extends the invitation.

I am old school enough that if a man has not bothered to know me well enought to offer and acceptable invitation, interested, not saying aggressive, just assertive enough ro ask; does not have the finacial where with all to manage a modest priced date, then I am probably going to move on to the ones that does.

If I find myself enjoying his company and considering a relationship you can bet that I am going to offer more than a polite thank you note for the date by extending and invataion to do something I have made a point of finding out he likes.

I am not a person of great means but I don't think any man should date a woman he considers "dead weight". It is not that hard for a lady to prepare a nice picnic, find and affordable if not free public event, assist with a chore, or make something like a small piece of art to show her appreciation. Most adult women have many skills and I don't think sex has to be anything but a gift between two consenting adults so I am not suggesting that "skill".

I always pay....unless I'm going out with Ruth, then she always pays

Joy,

I think you have heard me say men who can't care for themselves are and this is a Terri quote "another hamster dirtying up the cage". I am the queen of good dives. If you can't afford me, those dives are one step above Mc Donald's, you cannot afford a girlfriend let alone wife.