Would love to fly with this bunch of loonies…

Kulula
is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously. Check out their new livery! And have a read
about their Customer Relations.




WHAT

A PITY KULULA DOESN'T FLY INTERNATIONALLY - WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM IF ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOUR - SO TYPICALLY SOUTH AFRICAN.


Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg.

Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining.



Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:


On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant
announced,"People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

---o0o---

On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said,
"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to
enhance the appearance of your flight
attendants."

----o0o---

On landing, the stewardess said,
"Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to
leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

----o0o---

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

---o0o---

"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

---o0o---

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker:
"Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

---o0o--

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced,
"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has
shifted."

---o0o---

From a Kulula employee:
"Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port
Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one,
you probably shouldn't be out in public
unsupervised."

---o0o---

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and
pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your
favorite."

---o0o---

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

----o0o---

"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

---o0o---
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or
spouses.."

---o0o---

And from the pilot during his welcome message:
"Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them
are on this flight!"

---o0o—

Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town :
The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,
"That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was
the asphalt."

---o0o—

Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain
taxis what's left of our airplane to the
gate!"

---o0o—

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

---o0o—

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline". He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,
thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said,
"Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
The little old lady said,
"Did we land, or were we shot down?"

---o0o—

After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash
and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the
warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."

---o0o—

Part of a flight attendant's arrival
announcement:
"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the
next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of
Kulula Airways."

---o0o—

Heard on a Kulula flight:
"Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on
this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

I thought this was hillarious when I first read it earlier this arvo

I did too!

Proudly South African! Next time, I'm definately flying Kulula

It'd be hard to pass up a trip on that airline

Just made my morning.

I was on a flight from Boise to Denver once and the pilot came on the loudspeaker and said, "Hello and welcome to United airlines....this flight is a little roomy today. So if you are sitting next to someone you aren't with and don't want to sit there.....MOVE!! And even if you are sitting next to someone you are with....MOVE!! **laughing** This is everyone on this flight so SPREAD OUT PEOPLE!! Take advantage of this!!"

That doesn't happen very often..lucky you!! The last time I flew from Boise to Denver..it was completely full...and no one was having a good day...most unfriendly people I ever saw!

I think there was about 23 or 24 people on the flight that day...last week there was two empty seats on the flight from Boise to Salt Lake City and none from SLC to New York/JFK I wasn't too happy about that either.

I can imagine...why are you flying so much?

I fly out to visit TheCaptain in Idaho about two or three times a year and he flies here to New York to visit me... That's what happens with a long distance relationship.

Oh! I had forgotten that y'all were still in a LDR Glad y'all are doing ok!