I don't know how many of you are Lenny Kravitz' fans. His new album "White and Black America" talks about civil rights and division in society. I saw an interview with him where he said he was about 8 when it dawned on him that none of his father's white relatives were in the wedding photos. Only his mother's side of the family. That was 1964.

My cousin, Jacob, just married a woman from China (she has been here forever). Her family wanted a traditional Chinese wedding including food which sounded AWESOME to me as I have been to Chinese weddings and they are gorgeous. Jacob's parents are bigoted and put a stop to that. They got married by a justice of the peace instead and our other cousin who is a very BAD caterer did the food. Out of our hundreds of relatives only 3 of hers did not protest what the family had done and showed up. I feel like she was robbed of her wedding. It is her first wedding and Jacob is crazy about her. She's a really nice person. We did give her a really nice wedding gift but I don't think you can make up for ripping someone's culture away from them on such a special day.

I was wondering after the wedding if their children would some day come to Jacob and ask where all his mother's relatives were in the wedding album like Lenny did at 8 years old.

I can't believe people are so hateful in 2011. I thought we had evolved past such things but apparently not.

Any thoughts?

You said it all with, " Jacob's parents are bigoted and put a stop to that."

I want to make sure everyone knows I am not stirring the pot on this one. It happened over the weekend. I was really upset and had many many choice words (not at the wedding) with older family members. I know Jacob very well and what is in his heart and I know this must have killed him.

maybe they could have another wedding. this time with her relatives in their own traditional setting. no need to invite the first wedding guests. that way the children could be exposed to both sides and enjoy the benefits of learning both cultures. (maybe they will see how being insensitive to others makes a difference)

I am fairly horrified with those family members. If you ask them how they vote, etc. they are liberal. If you ask them where they stand on human, civil, and women's rights, they talk the talk. My beloved younger cousin, Jacob, finds a wonderful woman and they treat her like this. Jacob never in his life talked about a woman the way he talks about her and why they don't see that, I don't know. I remained civil but OMG did I want to pour the punch bowl over some of their heads.

ese seems to have a great idea......perhaps the two can travel to China for a wedding for her side of the family. Seems only fair.

hey should have done what made their wedding day happy and let the family stew in their own sour grapes.....IMO

when it comes to mixing 'cultures', its often hard to get a compromise,, especially in cases where primarily one side is actually financing the events


ITs also alot to do with considering the geography, where the relatives will come from, the schedules they have with work or children, the likelihood they will be able to make it,,,,etc,,,


and with two families that arent otherwise involved before the day, it makes it that much difficult to navigate


in the end, the couple have to do what will make them happy if they are paying for it

and , realistically, what makes their financial backing happy if they are not,,,