A number of people (four is a number) have asked me if I'm planning on writing a follow-up to my Internet Dating Guide book. I'm not opposed to the idea, but I think I said pretty much everything I could think of in the first one, so I'd have to come up with some new material.

Anyway, while thinking about this whole thing, I got back to the issue of pay sites. And I still have an issue with that whole concept, for one reason: pay sites have no real motivation to help you find anybody.

I mean, think about it -- if you're giving Payusalotofmoneytdating.com* $24.95 a month to help you meet someone, they probably like getting your $24.95 a month. If they help you find somebody, your purpose for being on the site in the first place has been removed, and you are likely to leave. They no longer get your $24.95. If they're TOO successful at finding matches for people, they could hypothetically put themselves out of business.

Of course, this will never happen in the real world where there are trillions of people with no social skills, and who have $24.95 a month to throw away, but still.

It's an inherent conflict of interest: "We're here to help you solve a problem, but we know you'll stop paying the minute the problem actually gets solved." Seems like there's just more motivation for them to see that it does NOT get solved.

And I got to thinking how I might be better off to walk up to a total stranger and say, "Hey, look, I'll give you $24.95 to help me meet somebody." At least the total stranger is local, and, assuming he/she doesn't just run off with my money, at least I won't be getting "prospects" from New York and California and Nigeria and Ghana.

Then I thought, what if you went to a friend, instead of a total stranger, and made the same offer? Well, if this person is really a friend, they might not even take your money (this is a tough call, you never know). But at least they couldn't just run off with your money, because you know where they live, you have their phone number, and $24.95 isn't enough for them to move to Brazil and start a new life as a Brazilian sheep herder, probably.

The friend thing makes sense to me, for two reasons: first, it's still going to be local. Second, if the friend knows you at all, they won't get you mixed up with an arsonist or a phony bank teller or a fake kidnap victim, etc. I mean, if they're any kind of a friend at all.

Seems to me there's a market out there for something like this, and someone could make a little extra income if they did it properly. If I was in a position where I had that option, I would much rather pay $24.95 a month to someone I know rather than pay it to eWedontwantyoubecauseyourenotreligiousenoughorhomophobicenoughdating.com.*


* Disclaimer: Payusalotofmoneytdating.com and eWedontwantyoubecauseyourenotreligiousenoughorhomophobicenoughdating.com, as far as I know, are not real sites. I have been wrong about this sort of thing before, though.

this one is slow but seems good for meeting them although it doesnt exclude the off countrys have met several from foreighn countrys always want me to send money picked the wrong poor boy for that lol.

Yeah, I've run into some of that, too, and I've gotten to where I can pick out the scammers just from the pic or the first 3 words of the message!

Mingle, as a free site, has no intrinsic motivation to deceive its clientele, though. As there's no financial incentive to keep people locked in, our owners and admins can direct their efforts towards making this a better site for all concerned. Gotta love that! (And, in my opinion, they've done an excellent job!)

In theory I like that idea of paying a friend, one flaw that I can think of from my perspective: My friends do not know any single guys.

I have offered to cook dinner for a week, clean their house from top to bottom, and even detail their cars for a month. And not one of them could come up with a single name. Now, compound that with I am not 24 anymore and I am was looking for someone closer to my age (5 years plus or minus) narrows the pool considerably. Yet there was not one name that could be offered.

Lesson here is that maybe I should have offered cash. Or find new friends.

Thank goodness for JSH/Mingle or I would never have found someone.

I get several a week from other countries, wanting to marry me. LOL.
And all of them claim to be the very best in bed. PUHLEEEEEASE!
I found Mingle by accident, but I am so glad I did, I have met the nicest, friendly people here. I never did pay on any site, way too expensive and most want to get married right away. I am just enjoying making new friends, having intelligent conversations and posting my poetry as well as reading others.

yes I think of it as one avenue of many. I am aware of a site that blocks certain parts of the world and honestly that is not a bad idea - other than that it's a good site (mingle)

I'm just tossing it out there as an alternative methodology. It wouldn't work for me either, because I don't know anybody where I'm living now, so I don't have any friends to ask, and all the people I used to believe were friends just vanished from the face of the earth in February of 2009.

Still, I think it could be an option for some people.

I'm sort of on the fence about the blocking thing -- I mean, sure, if we blocked Nigeria and Ghana, I'd have a lot less scammers; but, using that reasoning, I'd have to block New York and California, too.

My "friends" vanished in Jan. of '05. Last I heard they all fell in a sink hole, made by mutant mole people. Not that there is anything wrong with mutant mole people.

Presumably by now they have their own dating site.

As a matter of fact they do. He-moles looking for she-moles, she-moles looking for he-moles and Other.

And it might be the only site where the claim "Looks don't matter" really has any truth to it.

Well, if that's the case, she's just a common floozy.

Well a common, mutant she-mole floozy with long snouted he-male preferances. ( Now I feel like Dr. Suess)

Sorry for hi-jacking your topic. But I couldn't help myself.

There's always gonna be some topical drift, and it's not like I haven't derailed a few thousand of these myself....!

But I'm interested in people's thoughts about this....

I think the whole pay for social introduction or pay for someone's attention is a fatally flawed model. It is impossible to pay for genuine friendship or companionship without the clock and dollar grossly distorting the relationship. It is a form of prostitution.

It is much better to go out and dance or to parties or get involved in a sports or intellectual pursuit and meet other friendly people, talk about what you like in a person and in an activity and relationship and find common interests and friends to do stuff with and when you meet the right person and there is a tremendous attraction then go for it.

No money though for someone's time or attention unless it is a professional relationship like the dentist or psychiatrist.

In fact if you have a good friend who is a psychiatrist or dentist then you could save that money too!



Then again, I like to dance, sports, intellectual pursuits and socializing - so I have my own bias. Will you pay me now?



Just kidding. This is totally gratis my friend!

Everything else being equal, I'd be inclined to agree with you. But....

I used to have two very close female friends, Annette and Deanna. They were like sisters to me, which was nice because I never had any sisters of my own. Both of them were very popular, so they knew tons of people, and both of them introduced me to dozens and dozens of girls.

I never paid them for it; it wasn't that kind of friendship. they might ask me for a ride somewhere once in awhile, and Annette occasionally needed a pack of cigarettes, but it was all very much what a friend would do for a friend.

So, I got to thinking about that the other day, and I realized that this is really the only way I ever met people consistently.

It's not really feasible, from a practical standpoint, for me to do this now, because there's nobody around here I can talk to. But maybe down the road I might run into someone who's "well-connected," as Deanna and Annette were.

Re: the "professional" issue, I've known people who would pay a friend for babysitting or yard work or whatever. It's providing a service. I don't really see anything wrong with that. In a perfect world, nobody would have to charge anybody for anything, but this is decidedly not a perfect world.

But the real point here is that I think a friend would do more than a pay site. There will be exceptions. Pay sites will occasionally have to match someone up, just so they can use the testimonials and make scary TV commercials in hockey rinks about how effective their services are. But, on the whole, I think meeting someone through a friend is a more logical strategy.

This is pretty much the reason I hate going to a doctor....those guys make thier boat payments by making sure there is something wrong with me.