we need each other

denial is fruitless

I agree with silently & singme (as usual) BTW

Yep, I never got why an adult says they need to be needed or that they need someone. I expect that from a child as they are indeed dependent but I don't expect an adult to say something like that.

Oh there is no doubt, to a certain level it is me....after having raised four kids on my own, one more person (a grown person at that) needing me is just not something I want or need to hear...further, to me it is a signal or warning sign of a potentially unhealthy attachment....no?

Needing you in what way would be a warning sign of potentially unhealthy attachment?

for one's own happiness. I'm in charge of mine...you be in charge of yours.

My (deceased) husband had tons of interests and I do too! We both knew how to amuse ourselves. We were both self-reliant and self-contained...But we also loved to "share" with each other and "run things by" each other too...I wouldn't do well with a man who didn't have many interests or a man who relied on me to "entertain him" most of the time!...And I wouldn't do very well with a man who expected me to give up all of my interests to "moon" over him 24 hours a day either!...I enjoy being around men (and women) who are always "full of surprises!" Growing people with "inquiring minds" who have things to teach me and "share" with me!...I wouldn't do well with a total workaholic who never made any time for me. I'm talking about people who have a strong self of their own and interests of their own but yet they yearn to share their life with a "special someone" too!

If you are not there when I need you, then I probably don't need you to be around.

So, do you assume that anyone who says they need you for whatever reason is doing so because they're unhappy without you?

It took me quite awhile to realize that my husband wasn't out to "drain me." We were just friends at first so I had time to get to know him and trust him...Being married to him made my life easier and happier...We both took turns cooking and cleaning and everything wasn't just on my shoulders anymore. We "shared" everything together and he was my best friend...After 2 "failed" marriages earlier in life I didn't plan on getting married again. I was pretty "burnt out." It was hard for me to trust anyone and I didn't want to get involved with anyone anymore...But down the road I met my "last" husband and we were happily married for nearly 25 years. (Until he passed away last year.)...All men are not the same!! This is what I learned anyway! Good luck finding your "needle in a haystack" someday too!

I agree. Being needy and needing someone are different. It's co-dependence vice trusting the person you are with to be there when you need them.

Not many enjoy needy people but if you want to see your significant other light up, walk up behind them and in your sexiest voice whisper "I need you". Very different indeed.

Never having been a mom; I never had someone that needed me but I think I can understand that having someone dependent on you can take its toll. I don't mind a person saying I would like to be with you but if he said I need you; it would put me off. I need air, food, shelter, etc but I certainly don't need a person. I appreciate people being there for me when I am going through difficult times and would never take that for granted but did I need them to be there; certainly not. I guess its all in how we interpet the word need. Some people like to hear it and others like myself just don't want to hear it from an adult.

The world is TOO COLD to walk alone. I am flattered when someone feels my strength encourages them..I am grateful to have someone to lean on as well. I can survive without a companion, but probably need one for my sanity, lol. If they need me as well, then ying and yang are at work in my world.

Yeah, I dont like having to coordinate everything for my other half...(not saying i do), but I have had especially needy insecure men in my life before... I like a man who is not needy as a child is needy. But man enough to admit he needs help sometimes as well and not too prideful to ask for it. That is what i call TRUST. He trust me enough to ask me for help.

Hence the reason the ex is the ex...when I could have really used some support and understanding he was not there for me, but he sure needed me to understand his inner struggles or I wasn't being supportive enough..so I decided, if I gotta do it alone...so be it...I did not need him or anyone else but it certainly would have made some of life's struggles easier.

absolutely not...but that they might put too much pressure on me or the relationship for their own happiness.

It's hard to fight logic.

I'm a pretty nurturing person. I really enjoy spoiling the people I love and making them happy...But love is suppose to be a "two-way street" where love and "giving" and support "flows" back and forth... It's not healthy to be around "users" and "takers" who seldom "give back." It definitely leads to resentment! And it creates a "negative" environment..Some people have a lot of fears and hidden insecurities and a belief that there just isn't "enough to go around" for everyone. They "withhold" love and affection and praise and credit from others to bolster their sagging ego's. And this is sad.

well, yes

a difference between I need you (because I want your luvin)

and being needy....


if it's a long term partner tho - even then we're all needy sometimes, I guess. Even if we don;t "look " needy - being too independent can leave emotional needs unmet, I think

I agree...Most people probably view me as a "rock" and a super strong person. But this isn't true at all times...I go through internal conflicts and feel "lost" when I can't find "easy answers" to problems...I'm human! I need help and a shoulder to lean on at times too!...My husband understood me when he was alive. He knew when I was becoming "flustered." He had a way of comforting me and lending support without making me feel stupid! (And vica-versa! I helped him get through "rough patches" too.)...Now that my husband is gone everyone around me expects me to be strong all the time. I have to keep reminding family members and friends that I am not "super woman." I am not made of "steel!" I'm a human being just like they are and I get "stumped" and "down" at times too!

I have to agree its nice to have someone to lean on from time to time but it doesn't have to be . When I get down or depressed; I usually keep it to myself but my friend has a way to getting me to talk to him. I guess with me; being who I am, I find it hard to let anyone see me any other way than a rock. I guess because I have had to deal with seeing so much death over the years and working with men that can be very harsh with women; I learned to keep my emotions bottled up as I don't want to be seen as weak. So, its very hard for me to open up to anyone but my best friend as he makes me feel at ease and I can openly express myself without him judging. In relationships, I found it was always awkward to be who I am which is strong, tomboyish, military gal that can stand on her own. Unfortunately; men have this silly idea that they need to take care of me, protect me, and that I am weak which just pisses me off.