when i read womans profile there nealy always say personalty and making them laugh is more importent tham looks but as soon as there see picture there say you not what iam looking for so it is looks as there nealy always never chat and find out if you funny and have a good personalty idd love so here from you all on why there do this ? thank for reading

People are visual creatures first and you have to get through that barrier first.

I know a couple of women who are on dating sites, so i have it on good information as to what could be deemed to be their (women's) approach (presumably the same for most men too by the way). There is definitely the element of saying what they want cut the reality of it is that you have to have a stand out picture to even grab their attention. Amittedly i for instance don't, saying that i don't feel i am very photogenic.

Saying that usually the woman in question will have a picture up which was selected from millions of others and i know from experience when you meet them its a case of oh it was taken a "few years back" when they see the suspicious look on ones face. What i am getting at is that photos are obviously not an accurate reflection of most people yet it is from those same photos that the initial judgement is made. Some people look amazing on a picture but in real life they look very different for better or worse. Likewise some people just don't look good on a picture but in real life look rather amazing.

To answer the headline question, i guess people ARE shallow in how they arrive at their conclusion as to sim is worth talking to and who not. But at the same time if that is the case then you might just want to look on the bright side of that for obvious reasons.

Clothes don't make the man! One good picture of a woman doesn't turn her over night into a super model either. The real proof is in the pudding you eat as it were. But like the other guy said, its about getting through these somewhat primitive barriers. If i can maybe suggest something (for what its worth), maybe concentrate on women that do want to talk than get hung up on those that don't. People who are shallow have their own crosses to bear and i would say leave them to it

They say a picture is worth a thousand words...and an attractive picture will catch the eye...problem is when one sees an attractive picture, they don't bother to read the profile and find out if that person is even remotely compatible with them.

There are some really great people on this site...post often and you'll meet them.

There has to be some sort of attraction there. That's going to be different for everyone, though.

But, when it comes to a site like this, you have to be able to communicate well. Make sure you have a well written profile and emails/IMs right off the bat. If that happens, you'll more than likely get someone's attention.

well I fully admit to being shallow...and not particularly photogenic

but my pictures (on my recent profile - I don;t have them up now) were very current and accurate - i even had posted one purposely with no make up from 1st thing the a.m. and one where the light as it crossed my face showed some age lines

so my issue is a little different - that I look younger and when I meet men they are usually pleased with what they see, but when I tell them my age they get all hesitant - so I just don't give it out and would not be interested in someone to whom this is a huge issue anyway...so it's a good sorter

if a man presses me for any type of personal info prematurely...it's a block/delete

I have seen literally thousands of profiles where a woman says "Looks don't matter, it's what's on the inside that counts" or "I'm looking for an intelligent guy." Yet, when an average-looking guy contacts her, or an intelligent guy contacts her, she never responds.

So, I think a lot of people put what they think they're SUPPOSED to say in their profiles -- they don't want to be ostracized for being shallow and superficial. It's easier to try to make it look like they're above all that surface stuff and that they are, in reality, "so deep" that they need to get this across to any potential profile readers. Of course, it's a lie, but image is everything, right?

Personally, I think they're stupid on top of being dishonest. All they're really doing is guaranteeing that they'll hear from lots of people they'll never REALLY be interested in -- just to maintain the false facade of having "depth." Is it worth it?

Not for me. I readily acknowledge my shallowness and superficiality and I don't care what anyone thinks about it. I sure don't want to waste anyone's time playing pointless games, and I sure as hell don't want them wasting mine.

I think looks will always play a factor in everyones decision, but to say a man must be able to make me laugh....it is true that personality in the end does over-rule appearance. But having said that, love is not based on humor alone. There is attractiveness, personality, sexual compatibility. There are many factors and they ALL must come into play to make a relationship work.

There are times when somewhat attractive men are on a site say in "forums" where you are constantly able to see their personality in threads and that can make them appear very attractive more so than viewing their photo alone. I have met hot guys that were jerks. I have met some real uglies with terrible personalities as well. It helps to have either looks or personality, even better if you have both.

I agree and with Lex also....if someone is going to hang on one aspect of a potential partner, that seems defeating

I have met men on here who I would have dismissed on profile alone as too young, too far away, or too something else....and I'm not THAT old BTW I prolly make more out of it than most of the guys do because it is to me a consideration - don't want some one saying in 3, 4, 5 years - oh well I want someone younger now - (so to my habit of seeing problems that are not there but it happened in my marriage so it's a touchy point for me )

ya but u guys eat that crap up. I never say anything like that and I get very little mail.....usually more often the same 2 or 3 people who I talk w/ on & off....

I am 35, i get carded for cigs almost everytime. I am very picky about age when it coms to men, but luck would have it the last three guys who have caught my attention were all 31....



Me too. I think that is why i have been more open minded to younger guys. I am not sure why i am. Hang in there. It takes a while to get over verbal abuse. I find more and more guys loving me just the way I am so I am able to accept myself as so. My ex met me when i was early twenties, 109 lbs. I am older and lets just say more MOTHERLY now.

a great way to look at things, yes! I am more open minded now about what I seek as far as men & friendships and I think ur correct - it will be to my benefit eventually

Odd but it does help in accepting oneself to have love & acceptance from others - we really are interdependent creatures

True the more others accept me, the more i accept myself. I do have a nice hourglass figure though and a pretty face. Even days i don't see it...it helps for my boyfriend to tell me so..it's very re-assuring...and just cuz i say hourglass, doesnt say its necessarily small medium or large...LOL, it just means i have a big top and big bottom. hahaha. I can admit that cuz some men will make you feel beautiful, no matter what size you are. When you find that guy your confidence will come back and you will enjoy your body more.

Awesome post. It is nice to see someone being honest about visual impact when it comes to who we do what with.

In the real world the looks are what make you go talk to someone. It is the attraction. It has nothing to do with someones personality as you can't know who they are or what they are about. Generally speaking you might only get to talk to them for 5 minutes initially and i don't think you can know much from the first 5 minutes of a brief conversation & this is why you get or give your phone number to learn more later.

Now as for online relationships and how they develop, this is different. You have time to read and make a decision on if a person is attractive to you. You have the luxury of reading a profile to get a general view of them and their interests, or emails back and forth to better understand, or if you have time on your hands the forums have an archive of peoples perspective's to sort through, pictures are just that, a snapshot of a look or angle you want people to see/share.

Looks may make me talk to someone, but beyond that first instance, there has to be more there to keep me talking to them and get me interested in them. I don't have any interest in dumb guys or guys that lack personality.

I also don't have a specific type, so I'm attracted to all different kinds of guys. There may be different things about their looks or the way they're acting that get me to talk to them.

I am the same exact way. I have standards, but i also am not very picky, when it comes to treating me right, it far overshoots the looks category. My only requirement is to at least be tall as me or taller. Also i dont really like people who have a lot of craters on their face...i dont want to sound mean but i like a clean pallet.. Hair color, weight, eyes, nose...bald or not, are not major factors to me. Personality will definitely overshadow looks for me...but i love a man i can kiss at eye level or above...and hug them with my head in their chest...

I don't really have any requirements when it comes to looks. I'm attracted to different things, so it will be different each time I meet someone. I know what I like when I see it, but, I definitely don't go for one specific look.

I think in general men are more shallow but women are more vain. I think that goes hand in hand though. Like women are vain because men are shallow.

(this of course is a generalization and does not cover all people)

I just love how you put things. You just tell is like it is.

Thanks. I just feel that I'm past the stage where I need to water it down -- it doesn't really matter to me one way or the other if anyone likes what I have to say or not, if they agree or not, whatever. All I can do is say what I think, and hope there's someone out there on something approaching the same wavelength.