I have been single for quite sometime now. I am extreamly caring, loving and a gentle person. But for years on end i was mistreated by almost everyone I had ever know. The end result was me becoming withdrawn, and shy to a extreamly high level. I can meet someone and talk to them, but anything further that that is extreamly hard for me to get to. Any advice?

Tequila?........

You know, i never really lose any sensibility when i'm drinking. Hell, sometimes i'm worse like that.

I heard this long ago.

'Never look for the right person.
Be the right person.'

Doesn't matter how you meet them.
You still have to hold their interest.
My advice might be, act..stop reacting.
Then they find you.

That's true. It's just been over 6 years. starting to get to me

Mingle, it does miracles in bringing out your open side. You've landed in a very safe place where people will help you through. They do it with a lot of caring and a lot of humor so you don't feel alone in your quest.

honestly, there's nothing like mingle

welcome

I'm reminded of a joke (Ron White) about when it's everyone else treating you a particular way - it's actually you making the mistakes, not all these other people being wrong.

I don't mean to make light of your situation, but sometimes we have to look within when it appears to be everyone else. You may even be setting yourself up to be the victim over and over. Or maybe you're just hanging out will all the wrong people, but a change has to come from somewhere when everyone around you is mistreating you, for whatever reason. I also think many of us feel that way from time to time.

I can't speak on the wonderfulness of Mingle2 and its patrons, but seems to be a decent bunch overall and maybe a good place to meet new faces. But first I'd look for true happiness within, then others will likely want to get in on all the happiness you carry inside. I know no other way.

All the very best, VinylVendetta!


FantasyArtMan

Sounds like you could use a real friend for a change.

Well if you ever need someone to talk to, i'm here :)

Been there myself, so here's my 2 cents.

It is not always that you need to walk up to others. We have a comfort zone for a reason. Like a castle under siege, those walls do not come down overnight. So, develop a habit of placing yourself in a social atmosphere, one where you will tend to see the same people again and again. Eventually conversation will happen just because you are recognized by others. After that, more people will begin talking with you over time. Soon you will know most of the people within that social setting.

You might ask what this has to do with actually pursuing a date or relationship....and that's not so obvious. You see, you need to open up to others, be they male or female, so you can expand your comfort zone through baby steps. Eventually you will gain the confidence to pursue something more with someone you find interesting. You'll still be nervous and a little scared, but you will have become comfortable enough to at least make the attempt despite your jitters. Hell, if you didn't feel at least a little nervous, you're either not human or you're a liar. Everyone feels that way when taking a risk, and that's exactly what dating is: a calculated risk. Your comfort zone decides how much risk you are willing to accept. So if you won't accept the risk, then you need to change your comfort zone.

Most guys get rejected dozens of times. It's par for the course. Just remember that is better to try than "could of, should of, would of". Every rejection is one step closer to acceptance. The biggest thing is not to dwell on it. Think of it this way, if the women in your bad relationships had rejected you, they would have been doing you a favor....so maybe rejection isn't such a bad thing after all.

I've been mistreated, too. But I was never loving, caring, giving. You must feel very discouraged, OP.

Very wise woman.

Grow a pair and get out there. Your happiness is yours...do something about it.

Good luck to you.

Nah. Whisky instead.

Long time no see mb, nice to see you back :-)

No worries you are not the only one to have this happen. There are many people out there who continually find the wrong person. My advice to you is dont go looking for that person. Let them find their way to you. Go out and have a good time, and she might just appear infront of you.

Think of it like this. If you both were out there searching for one another, and you went different ways, whos to say you would ever meet up.

For being the shy type, there are many of those out there also. Being shy isnt a bad thing, but if you are wanting to meet people who wont treat you bad you need to step up your game. You cant be a turtle hiding in your shell when things get tough. You have to be the lion that sets everyone in their place, let them know you arent going to tolerate the "abuse" any more.

The one thing you have been given in life is your time. We all have a limited amount of it. We are not going to live forever.

Think of what you might do if you knew you only had a few months or days left to live. Are you going to fret and worry about how other people treat you? Waste of time.

Live life the way you want. Just do it. There is nothing to fear but fear itself.