The same still stands but follow your male intuition it will never fail you. Or common sense or what ever you want to call it.

No problem with the gender mistakes...lol...or the thorough reading...or lack there-of... you guys are always great teachers... thank you for lending additional facets...

I am at a place in my life where being blunt is the only way to go. Tell people exactly how you feel and what you want...of course in a tactful way.

Seems to me the conversation has not been all laid out on the table. There is an implied "I am interested, but I want to flirt with others" message. That message seems to say, "I will be here with you until someone else better comes along". If you are not ready to be monogamous, just be honest about it.

Good luck to you!

Ken

Very Well put thoughts...

You must decide what is right for Ya'll...

COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY. THE ABILITY FOR BOTH TO COMPROMISE IS 2ND

((((((((((CS)))))))))))

JMO I've found that since people have so much more exposure to meet people. People that have never had alot of attention tend to go wild when they do get on the world wide web.
Same with girls that I grew up with that went to private schools. when they hit public school they went wild..
People (guys & girls) Have came on here & they're shy & they feel nobody will think their cute or anything & because of that they are very nice people & Everybody starts liking them because their real..
Then they get all popular they're lil heads swell, they become attention whores.
I've seen girls on here act like they need every single guy to flirt with them. or that they have to be the center of attetion on any thread their posting on.
So even when somebody feels they are making a commitment, they still have that need to feel desired.
To feel they can still attract somebody.
Actions always speak louder than words. Of course you need to talk openly with a person you are in any kind of relationship with..
No matter how much you feel like oh they should know how I feel, you never know.. even words don't come acrossed to some as others.
So that all boils down to can you speak the same language of love & relationships...

Then you have to ask yourself can I live in a relationship where If I'm out of site, I might not like what happens? would I be able to have complete faith in my partner.
If that is your language of love it needs to be spoken my both.

Good luck to you, your a very good person...

All I can say is WOW Catch.. VERY GOOD!!!!

Who wrote all that crap? J/K

Hiya! (((((Dale)))))

((((((((((((((catch))))))))))))))))

Nicely said g/f!!!!!!!!!!!

((((((((native))))))) Hiya Gurlie!! ty

Hey g/f...How goes it?????

I think, CS, that if two people have shared as you have described, that you should be able to expect that neither will look for another in a “romantic” way. I WONDER…did you ask for that understanding?

I am not sure, that it would be realistic to assume that just because a woman talks with friends of the opposite sex, that she is having the same kind of intimate conversations she would be having with the one she has “committed” herself to. And further more…why is it assumed that communications are not just of a friendly nature? Has she given you a reason to distrust her intentions towards her friends of the opposite sex? Friendships enhance life…each one is unique in it’s own way. I, myself, would never promise (or even pretend to consider) a relationship in which my friendships (or possible future friendships) may be stifled by another.

You can question one’s intentions all you want…re-evaluate to your heart’s content, but unless you have spoken to her directly…all you are doing is assuming…

Please define a monogamous relationship… last time I looked…the loss of freedom to choose one’s friends was not in the definition. I would think, that if you trusted your significant other…you would not feel the need to clip her wings by boxing in her ability to maintain current friendships or to make new ones.

If this goes against your grain, it is ok. All people see life through their own filters. It happens all the time that people have irreconcilable differences such as these. It does not make one person wrong or right. As long as you, CreativeSoul, have had the courtesy to at least let this girl know how you are feeling…before posting it for the rest of the world to see…then there is no problem nor hard feelings.

Good luck, my friend...

Nice point justtosee!

Something else to consider...and this is definitely because of my own personal bias, but is this relationship based off of more than digital communications? Even talking on the phone is too limiting, too constraining, it lacks the intimacy really needed to know how you feel about someone.

You can become enamored of a person's mind, their speech, and even the life that they exude from pictures and chat boxes; but I've seen relationships crumble like a load bearing crouton because of the way somebody BREATHES! Literally.

I'm not trying to diminish any feelings, connections or opinions you may have formed, but why put boundaries and shackles on a "relationship" that is already hampered.

Consider this, communication has been broken down like this: 90% how you look, 7% how you sound, and 3% are the actual words you use. This means that 97% of your communication is lost when you are not in a face to face situation. You are limited to a measly 3% of the tools that we need to communicate, and you are asking for a commitment.

If the connection you guys share is real, and tangible, and supernaturally fluid, then you have all the time in the world to lay out those boundaries...but at least wait until you know that she twists her hair when she's nervous

justtosee,

As a result of your opinion, you have caused me to see things from yet another side...thank you

To all...know that this woman that I care about is not one who does not deserve trust...her actions are true and she is one of the most faithful people that I have ever come to know...moreover I...as a person who wants nothing more than to understand...was not looking for substantiation of my viewpoint... I wanted to see through others' eyes...for a better understanding from a different perspective... to be able to accept another... my teachers concerning this are past ones with severe trust issues...ones that i fear still live inside of me...thank you all for your help in this...

Just think of a restaurant with a never ending menu......

If your a glutton you will just keep on gorging....

There are some who use these dating sites the same way...

Its a never ending parade of prospectives and they just keep on gorging...

Unfortunately people can get hurt....for the sake of feeding someones ego.

So it is a concious choice we all have to make...commit or keep on trying everything on the menu.

I think it all comes down to personal morals & integrity. If you reach the point of desiring a monagamous relationship, on line or in person, it doesn't mean you don't have other friends.
How you handle your life is up to you. Can ony hope we all will treat others as we want to be treated.

Creativesoul;

Don't know if this will help - but I experienced the first paragraph of your original post, and this topic came up between myself and the woman who I'd experienced this with. I met her on line - we talked on the phone quite a bit, shared everything there was to know about each other, and made a pact to always speak the truth - even when we thought it might be hurtful. I flew out from Boston to California to meet her, and a month later we were married. Still are. But I never stopped my internet correspodances, as they had become friends - even though at points in time a future had been discussed. I simply started letting them know - as a friend, that I'd met someone, and it was getting serious. Some understood, and we still write back and forth to this day. Another was quite upset - but got over it, and while we continued to write, we became even closer, and I eventually worked her through a reconcile with her husband of 24 years, whom she had divorced.

I think if you think this through a bit - you may find that it is a trust issue, perhaps eminating from your end, that is easily reasoned out. If this person you are concerned about is indeed your best friend - they are likely already communicating this with others who they have befriended online - much like you have in the forum. I'm not sure from your posts if you have communicated your concern directly to this person, but that would likely be a good place to start to resolve this quandry you are having. Most people have stated that they are here to find friends - and if something more happens - so be it. But chances are good that even though they may think they have found the one - that many friendships have developed, though not with potential romance in the future, that could possibly remain through a lifetime - even though they may never actually meet face to face. In your circumstance - you have had the opportunity to meet someone face to face that you have met through space - and even if it doesn't follow through - how wonderful an experience. Most of us will never see the people we have forged friendships with on this site. Good luck with this and take care.

lj

Eljay,

I appreciate your response...and we share much in common...

Acceptance of flirtation levels is what it all boils down to...perhaps this is a trust issue...the belief I have always carried has been compromised because I realize that this person has shown commitment and dedication throughout her life...

I do not believe that this woman would "cheat" ... that is not in question... I suppose that my definition of what is acceptable outside of a "romantic" relationship has been compromised within me... she has and I believe will always be honest... she has never attempted to hide it...when asked