Do you consider yourself a picky person when dating? What's your biggest deal breaker?
I think it's easier to be picky online... you just simply don't have to respond the email or wink, nudge, whatever it is they send you.

I prefer the term "selective," because it has more syllables.

And, yes, I consider myself selective (or picky!) when it comes to dating -- I don't want to waste anyone's time, and I don't want anybody wasting mine.

That's why I try to be very clear about what I'm looking for, and even clearer about what I'm NOT looking for.

I don't know if I'm pickier on line or in real life -- since I never meet anyone in real life anymore, I suppose it's not very relevant!

yes I'm picky........about most things

Yup, am trying to tone it down a bit because no one could meet the requirements...lol

I find in real life when someone talks to me, unless it's just way far out there, I tend to be nicer and at least attempt a convo I may not have otherwise had with that person. Sometimes I'm glad I did. But online it's very very easy for me to find a reason to avoid you if I wanted to.

So Lex, do you think if someone did approach you irl, you would be just as picky as you are right now?

Don't know. It's been 30 years since my last date.

I am toward the bottom of the pile in the totem-pole of dating. I don't like being picky, because that further reduces my chances to meet a warm woman. One way I will stay picky, and that's the nose. Nose-picky. Otherwise I'd suffocate and die.

Well, the same standards would apply, the same deal-breakers would be in place.

Don't get me wrong, I think I'm pretty approachable for a reclusive sci-fi author, but there's a difference between "you can come talk to me" and "I'm interested in dating you."

What happens now is someone will say "I can't believe you're still single!" And then they will start to talk about one of their friends or cousins or co-workers or neighborhood spy or something. "You should meet her, you'd really like her!"

And I ask a few basic questions, and the "prospect" is always eliminated in less than a minute. This, I suppose, says everything I need to know about the pool of people available to the people I talk to.

I'd be open to meeting someone who actually made it past the first three questions, but that never happens.

For those of us who know (and love) you -
That just sounds wrong, Mano...stop that! Wash your fingers!

Lex, I would like to try your first three questions.

I am male, heterosexual, and I am not out to date you. But I am curious that if I were a woman, how my questions would make you regard me.

So... please, if you are not too emberrassed about this, would you ask me the three questions? I will give my best shot at answering them.

.

The first three questions are:

Does she have kids?

Does she drink?

Does she use drugs?

These effectively eliminate 112% of the entire female population of the world.

If the answer is "no" to all three, the next question is "Does she want kids?"

That raises the elimination rate to 158%.

I know of only one girl who was ever able to (honestly) answer "no" to all 4 of these. And I've been in an on-and-off thing with her for 11 years now (the last 2 1/2 off) -- and I'm getting tired of the yo-yo deal....

...and if you calculate in the "can she write a profile" or the "all women love shoes" factors...

Well, that math just boggles my mind!

And add in the m-theory requirement and the need to understand llamas, what are the odds....?

Does she pronounce that "ya-ma" or "L-ama?"
Can she sing the song?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3Cw2YWEFgY&feature=related

Maybe it's time to edit your questions? Is it on purpose that no one can pass them?

It's on purpose that I formulated those questions in that way.

It was not on purpose that no one can pass them. I didn't actually learn that part until later.

Those questions are in place because those are the things I absolutely refuse to have in my life. And I think it's important to have that out there, right up front. Or it's important for me, anyway -- I don't think it matters so much to other people, because so many lie to me about it in the beginning ("Oh, I understand, I don't want to have kids either" but 3 months down the road, it's suddenly mandatory!), but I don't want to waste anybody's time. It's inconsiderate.

There are other things that matter, but these are the absolutes, the no-wiggle-room categories. Everything else is pretty much open for negotiation -- in theory. Because the reality is that no one ever gets that far.

I personally don't think it's impossible to run across someone who would share my preferences on these subjects. Of course, I'm biased and I'm looking at it from a biased standpoint, i.e., if I can see things this way, then it stands to reason that someone else could see things this way.

But that's only an exercise in semantics; the reality is that there's only been one other person I've found, in my entire life, that does see things my way. And she is....well, not to put too fine a point on it, but let's just say she's a bit unstable.

As far as editing the questions -- if I did that, it would be tantamount to saying I'm now looking for something other than what I really want. And that would be wrong.

biotch...

I agree with Lex. Thier are certian things on my listI wont compermise on. He must not drink or do drugs. He must not be verbally or physically abusive. I would rather grow old alone than put up with any of that again.

I've always been fair but I also know what will work & what won't.