I've always been fair but I also know what will work & what won't.

I agree with that 100 %.

I understand what you're saying. But maybe sometimes what you need isn't what you really want? I know that's how it's seeming to work out for me lately.

The difference for me is that I don't actually need anybody. That was the hardest thing for me to fully comprehend. I was raised in an environment where it was just assumed, expected, that there were certain things you were going to do in your life, and no one was really ever supposed to question it. You were expected to get married and have kids, because that's just what people do.

To do anything else would make life an abject failure.

But there was a point when I started to question the rationality of the whole concept. Because my life with someone always turned out much worse than life alone. As I like to say, how many pianos have to fall on your head before you stop standing under pianos?

"Want" is something else entirely. I "want" someone in my life, but the requirements for that someone to actually work with me are prohibitive. I feel fairly safe in believing that no such person exists.

I'm selective about who, what, where i expend my energy

biggest deal breaker is unkindness, mean people suck

Not only am I picky, everyone tells me I am too picky.

I don't like shallowness or mean people. I don't like women who sleep around a lot. I don't like women who are too thrifty or who spend too much. I don't laziness. I don't like liars. The list goes on and on.

When it comes right down to the biggest deal-breaker, I would have to say it's drugs. Each situation is different, and I can hang around with people who use certain drugs. But, I will never ever date someone who uses any one of a number of drugs, even if only casually. There is a lifestyle and social circles that go along with drug use. It's not something I want as part of my life.

To break it down...:

I don't want a big pothead, even though I smoke too. (Rarely, and I'm picky about when and where.) If she smokes occasionally, that is fine. I just don't want a hippie type of lifestyle or social life.

I can deal with a few of the lesser drugs so long as it is occasional use only. I've been known to do a few myself, but on rare occasions.

I refuse to date anyone who uses cocaine, crack, meth (in any form), LSD, heroin....basically the more hardcore drugs. Some of it is the habits and addiction. Some of it is just not wanting to be around it.

LSD isn't as hard or addicting as some others, but I just don't think it would mix well with my personality....so, I don't want to be slipped any without my knowledge.

I dated a former crackhead....not a fun experience. I've known a few others. Personality-wise, they seem to be a real crap shoot once they stop using. Some are still messed up, but okay as people. Others are deadbeats. Still others seem to get straightened out, and are fine. I don't need to spend my time sorting it all out.

Heroin....known girls who did that. Seen them try to cut stuff with a knife while doped up, and had to babysit them while at work. Some cute, healthy-looking girls have gotten hooked on dope, but having seen them at their worst, asking to borrow a car to get a fix plus the lies involved, I want no part of any of that.

Coke, I've seen people who were annoying while on it, and others who seemed fine. It's addictive though....and a big waste of money. The danger for me is that cocaine counters the symptoms of ADD, but means I am much more likely to get hooked on it. Once it makes me feel and look normal, I'll want to be on it all the time. That's bad news right there.

Meth, I don't have as much personal experience with. I've heard the stories, seen the movies about Hunter S. Thompson....It seems like real bad stuff. Meth labs are only just beginning to spring up here in Connecticut, which means the problems associated with it haven't really become noticeable yet. Because of my lack of knowledge about it, the biggest is turn off is that even my friends and acquaintances who experiment with just about every drug refuse to even touch crystal meth. When even those who are a regular part of the drug culture want to avoid it, you know it must be some f@#$ed up stuff.