I have totally blown my marriage because I was to stubborn to change. The divorce will be final on the 6th and that will be it.

I have many problems that contibuted to this downfall, medical and otherwise. The final straw that drove us apart, came from her exhusband, whom thru out our marriage has tried everything under the sun to keep her 3 kids from her. Each time I had stood there and held her as she cried and tried to comfort her. Well the last thing he did was a very LOW blow. Months after the kids had came out for their one and only visit. Months of one of her boys talking to me on the phone to ask about the army and different stuff, months of them joking about me and making up nicknames and all of us laughing. ALL OF A SUDDEN it is claimed that I LOOKED at them in their underware and they would not be coming out and she would have nothing to do with them as long as she was married to me. To me that was the lowest shot one could take. Now I dont blame her for being a mom and he does live in California, where all you have to do is walk into court and say I feel this way and the court says ok here you go.

Since she has left I spent the first six weeks just asking for a second chance, not that i deserved one. She put up with a lot and waited and waited for me to change. One day she called and asked why I had changed my email PW because she wanted a poem from my email. I know it was wrong but I checked hers and found pictures of her and my boss. Now they were not bad per say, one was snuggly and the other they were holding hands. I flipped and totally lost whatever sense I had. I quit my job and sat here trying to figure out what to do. After I told her I was done chasing and fighting a losing battle, it seemed the tables had turned. She called and texted more in 3 days than in the whole 6 weeks before, talking about wanting to be friends and see where things went from there. Of course that lasted for 2 days then it was back to the norm. I got the everyone I have in my life has a place and she already has a best friend speech.

I dont know if she enjoyed the chase or what, but it seems that way to me. So when the chase was over she lost intrest maybe, i dont know.

I have been doing a lot of soul serching and talking to some good people. I am starting professional counsling for some of my issues. Depression ect. and I am going to see a DR. about my medical ones. I am working on losing weight and being healthier.
I started walking and I am going to buy a bike to start riding.
My job said I could come back to work after some counsling appointments, so that will start again. it will be a little rough to start, but if she wants nothing to do with me ( she says we can be friends now, I will beleive it when I see it ) I have to move on and see what happens in the future.

I have had 3 different people ask me who the guy is she is living with.

Why does it still eat at me so?

sorry I am moving on I just hate lies and that is what eats at me the most.

I am a firm believer that friends are not the best thing for a while in a break up. It confuses things.

It sounds as though you haven't let go yet. I suggest getting to the let it go stage so you can heal.

Best advice I have for you.

Good luck.

damn the torpedos son. you made choices and now deal with the consequences. forget the false accusations, and what if's. you tried (maybe not your best effort) and things didn't work. now you have experience for your next effort. maybe this time use what you have learned and try harder (with someone else). if you look forward and keep taking the steps you are to heal, i guarantee i guarantee you won't regret moving on. (bulldog double guarantee - patent pending)

ya you are right and I am at that stage. hardest thing is I work with this guy.

but i am here to meet new people.

and I am healing. always seems when I start someone wants to stir the pot.

There will always be people who try to bring you down. Just gotta do what is best for your life. Don't worry about what others think. You know what is true of your own life.

Good luck and be sure to move about the forums and meet people that way and let us get to know you.