Ditto, some of the things you may hear may hurt and you may not want to hear them. But in reality nothing is perfect. We must heal ourselves and fix what needs to be fixed before we jump back in the melting pot.

When your somewhere you don't want to be at times we have to take that big step into the unknown. Like stepping off a cliff you don't know where you may end up but until you take that first step and get past the hurdles one will never know.

I understand what you just said, to the fullest. And I would agree with you. But I do not need a ego boost, well like you said I guess we all do, but not looking for one. I know who I am and I believe I have a good understanding of where I stand. I just do not know where to go. Sounds like you been down a simular path. I am looking at a fork in the road right now. Trying to figure out which road to take, maybe looking for a little advice. I know I have a weird way of asking.

I don't think you got a choice in which fork you will take.

Sounds like advice to take the fork on the right?

Left fork: Stay, be loyal, and see if things work themselves out.
Right fork: Leave and start over.

There is also the small path into the woods: Fill the hole now with someone else until things work out, yes cheating. Of course she may ask how I got there and then, well, there may be wolfs at the end of that path. I guess I really do not want to take that path. Sounds a little selfish to her and to the other person I am with. But are not all the forks and paths selfish? I never swear but I feel like it doing so now!

You know what they say, you get what you pay for.

Ok Sorry But I have got to lend my two cents to this. If you are married and not sure where you should turn. Here's an idea: Try talking to a counselor, and maybe your wife. If you are still married and are not in agreement of being separated. you are cheating my friend.
I have lived this and trust me it never turns out well.
If you think you need a divorce then get separated and see. But most women are not going to want to step into that mess. Because if there is a possibility of reconciliation then the new one is lef tin the cold with their feelings hurt.
You need to decide what direction you want to go in, BEFORE you go shopping for a replacement.
I am not trying to sound holier- than thou. BUT I have had exes cheat on me, and no matter what the story it hurts. So fo ryou rown sanity and peace of mind, decide what you need to do before trying to fill a space already filled.
Good Luck my friend

I was with you til you got to the three pieces it comes with. You mean you need your children to come? I hope not.

Also, you forgot to state the asking price. And say someone offers a suitable amount to the seller -- will she deliver, or you need to drive over to pick up the item? Does she take cheques? USPS money transfer? PayPal? Is the item PayPal insured? How much extra for delivery by UPS, including taxes? Is there a cross-border surcharge for foreign importers, over and above their own countries' import taxes, import duties and import bribery, which are entirely the buyer's own responsibility? What about PayPal for payment? And what if the item arrives DOA? Any chance for a refund, or to get the items exchanged for a reasonably similar product? Who covers the funeral expenses?

These are exactly the helpful comments I was hoping to receive. Thenk you all for your advice and cander.

Trouble: I have talked to her, many times. And had counceling. Otherwise thanks Trouble and Wux. Points well taken.

My conclusion seems to be either I live with the pain or cause the pain to my wife.

Thanks to all.
David

If you are saying "Current owner does not want." I think that you already know the answer.... It's time to put on your big-boy pants and move on. Divorce stinks, but if there isn't feelings from both sides why stay in it? Cheating does not help you or her in any way, she finds out, then you will never be trusted again....she doesn't find out and things get better between you, how will you live with the thoughts of cheating on her?


Time to move on, get yourself straightened out THEN look for someone else for a relationship.

Listen David, I have been divorced three (yes I said three times- going through the las tone presently) And for the record I don;t care how much you care for someone, If there is not a good marital relationship. then you should move on. Trust me on this- I have been on all sides.
Divorcer - I wanted it over
Divorcee - I didn't want it to happen
And Active participant (current) We both know that it is not beneficial to either of us. We have run the course of our relationship. (we both care for eachother - but this is best for us and our 6 yr old).

You need to look deep within yourself, and look at the future. Where do you see yourself in 5 years with and without this woman?

Only you can answer theses questions. I know it sucks, change often does. But if you and her can't decide it needs to be over and it does. Then one of you has to be strong enough to make the first move.

As I said before Good Luck my friend.

You are so on target with your answer troublebug false attachment for emontional reasons can be so misleading. Just like when a baby is born between a loving couple and this baby grows into adulthood we must let this child move forward without any regret.

alookat101

I appreciate your backing up my thoughts.

Your straight fowardness is appreciated. I never thought of the picture as being half naked. I have removed it. I appologize to you and anyone I have offended.

Please note that I said I did NOT want to go down that path of cheating. My last posting eluded that I would either hurt my wife through cheating or divorce. Both would be painful to her. But as touble and others have said cheating would definitly be the worst one.

I have had opportunities to cheat on my wife. I have not done so. And yes we have gone through conuseling. And I still talk with them on my own even though she does not.

The original posting was my weird sense of humor and lack of straight forwardness trying to express the need for advice. I see now that was not the correct way of expressing myself. I was very hurt that morning and should have not posted it.

I now do feel hurt and embaressed that I appear that way on this site. I have never been good at expressing my feelings through word.

Even though the comments on here have helped a lot and I have learned a great deal I now feel this may have been a mistake. I would never want anyone to view me that way, that is not what I am about.

Thanks all again for your comments and cander.
David

Your own words contradict themselves. You say that you find me dishonest because I considered cheating. Then you say "Everyone conscious has the 'opportunity' to cheat." Which means you too, with the opportunity you must of have considered it. Which means you must be dishonest too.

OK, I think it time to be straight forward.

Everyone takes a vow to be faithful and stick to their mate when they get married, through thin and thick. Divorce is saying you LIED! Then afterwards you get married or sleep with someone, you just cheated. When you get divorced you cheat on your mate (unless your mate cheats on you first). You lecture that cheating is not as bad as divorce. In my book they are the same. Not only that, you do not give them the opportunity to come back. You slam the door in their face.

I do not believe my wife has physically cheated on me and I have not physically cheated on her. So divorce in my mind would be cheating.

I respect the people here who separated first. An opportunity exists there for the mate to return or for reconciliation. Divorce does not.

One thing I do agree on is the statement about getting my ducks in a row. But the comments on this site and others I found that cheating nor divorce is the answer.

Related to your points, maybe I am being dishonest with myself. A legal separation may be the answer. As one said in this post and what you are eluding to; "It's time to put on the big boy pants.".

I have learned from this site that:
1) I am messed up right now. I need to look internally and fix me first. I need to get past my emotions and get to the root. After that then I can look at the other options.
2) Cheating and divorce is not the answer.
3) No matter what side you are on it hurts.

Even though I feel you misjudged me I do appreciate your words.