When you are in love and courting you always put your best self forward as much as possible. But then after you get married, things change.

You usually don't try so hard. Romance flies out the window. You relax.

While its good to relax. I think your spouse would really appreciate it if you didn't get too comfortable to the point where suddenly it looks like you changed. You didn't really. You just stopped courting and you became your non-courting self. The game is over you won... or lost, and now you are on the way to letting yourself go.

You start to notice that your spouse has faults and he/she is not the romantic sexy guy or girl you first fell in love with.

HAPPILY EVER AFTER HAS ENDED. Now you are just going to work to pay the rent or mortgage.

I don't care how long you live together, something always changes after you get married, no matter how much you both promise it won't.

But people themselves really don't change all that much.

Perceptions do change.

Expectations will change.

Attitudes change.

Is there any way to keep the excitement and romance in marriage?

Nothing stirs up the excitement in marriage than coming home and finding your spouse in bed with your boss.

You'll feel like raising the roof. But if you do, your boss won't give you a raise and you'll lose the roof over your head.

Well... meditation.

You can introspect over what other person you could find without spending a lifetime looking, who would feel insecure enough to go to bed with you (general you, not you in particular, Jennie).

I never got married, but my brother and his wife can hardly wait to get to bed every night, (they're both in their sixties.) The daughter of my long-standing gf, who is my age (the daughter, that is; she's a year younger than I) and her husband have three kids, and oftentimes grab each other in the kitchen, cuz they can't wait for the nightfall. My father and both his wives were just effing crazy about each other (mom died while still dad's wife). A childhood friend of mine and his wife had kids like clockwork every four years, coz they were devout caths, and they practiced the rhythm method only. They ended up with six kids, spanning 20 years in age difference.

It takes all kinds, I guess. I must tell you, that out of the five couples mentioned, three constantly fought like dogs and cats; they would get angry and shout and scream sometimes, and apparently that behaviour is conducive to keep the emotional vessels from sclerosis. (This was metaphorical.) Two couples kept teasing, jesting, and pushing each other to the limit, humour wise. In two, the women were dominant, they made the decisions, though in both cases the women either did not work or made very little in their job. In the other three, the power was vacillating between the two, as both of the couple kept an eye on each other's needs, wants, and tried to balance things for fairness' sake.

Oh, and there was this couple I knew, again, at around my age. I met their daughter and we went on a few dates, and it turns out that the parents kicked both their kids out of the house when the kids turned 18, and gave them no moral, emotional and financial support from then on. I asked the daughter why, she said, her parents were so much into each other that they just wanted to be together all the time and literally shut out the entire world. The wife taught at a university, and the husband was the comptroller of a large institution. Chief Financial Officer. This came up as the daughter would keep on coming home for visits from her service in the army, and I asked, why do you do this, why are you a private when your parents live in this posh neighbourhood? she said then why.

A friend of mine wanted to take his wife on a second honeymoon to spark the romance but she would have no part of it. She surely is a stupid woman.

So... whom did he wind up taking? I assume the tickets had been purchased.

He gave the tickets to a friend and his wife. He has tried several times to take his wife on a romantic getaway but she always wants to drag her family on the vacation. He told me he even spent his honeymoon with her family. How screwed up is that?

She has lost her desire for him. She clearly wants no part of a "romantic" holiday... at least with him.

I am going to go out on a limb here and make a prediction. Maybe she is having an affair with someone else or she has just lost interest in sex and her hubby. She's not that into him anymore. That's hard to get back.... even on a so called second romantic honeymoon.

A trip does not romance make.

Yeah, I think the romance is over too. He describes it as room mates and she has lost all interest in sex with him. He has considered she is having an affair. Its too bad to throw away 25 years like that.

The bigger tragedy is to throw away the rest of your life unhappy. But divorce is really hard after kids and 25 years. Really hard. If they don't have other love interests, it can leave a big hole in their lives.

Whoa. Hold on. There are too many "he"-s and "his wife"-s.

So he gave his ticket to his friend, who took the friend's wife, or his own wife, with the friend him? He, the friend, tried to take his friend's wife (lucky his friend only had one) on a romantic getaway but she wanted to bring her family along (she was a true nymphomanica, addicted to the real thing, so she needed back-up, I guess, very cautiously.) He even spent his honeymoon on her family.

I wish I was screwed up like that. Like the entire world knows now, I've been celibate for 11 or 12 years, just a little shy of Jenniebean's record, so any screwing is good screwing, if you ask me.

I beg to differ just a little... she still has romantic feelings for him. Lots. Just like you said, a trip does not a romance make. She's tired of carrying his weight, (in bed) all the time, but she does it relentlessly, coz the romance factor for her is big.

So he wants to take her on a romantic holiday, because, frankly, if you ask him, the romance is getting to be too much for him. After all, he's not getting any younger. So he proposes to her to go on a romantic holiday with him, since he figures he could easily and cheaply get some substitute husbands for her, while he takes a well-deserved and much needed rest from marital bliss and marital romance.

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Edit: my comment above here has been rendered useless, superfluous and redundant by the confession that was given and heard by room mates. (That's how the word rumour got started... roomer, roomor, rumour.)

Halt! Hold on.

He described it as room mates? You mean he and you share a room? And he is still married?

or what happened to my ability to follow a story?

(I am teasing you, young lady!!! Don't take anything I say seriously, please!! Unless it's about religion, of course.)

I think it is possible...it just won't look like a conventional marriage.

I have friends who have been married 28 years....they started dating at 15, married at 19...and are now 47....had three kids together, who are all now adults...

They haven't lived together since the kids were in early high school..they have two houses, paid for, both have successful businesses, well adjusted kids...and quite simply adore each other.

They just choose to not live together 24/7....both are artists, one a musician, the other a potter/sculptor...they have dinner dates together, sleep overs, separate incomes, but a common goal...


have they changed?...not their base natures...but definitely priorities over time,and of course matured and pursued their personal and combined bliss...(interests, hobbies, travels)

stupid or just really doesn't care

we bought another bike (more of a road bike) and started taking a little more time away just the two of us and it was working - we needed repairing pretty badly & it was working well for awhile....17 years is not a bad run - we did a few things right

I think there comes a time when we reach the end of a relationship. We need new experiences and new feelings. We have given and received what we needed from the relationship and there comes a time when its just over.

Its nice if you can part friends.

He gave the tickets to another couple. His honeymoon 25 years ago was spent with her family and he would like to take another one without anyone's family. He even went to counseling to help their marriage and asked her to go but she refused. I feel sorry for him actually.