My 18 year old daughter has been dating this 21 year old for the past six months. I don't really care for the guy, I feel he is a bit of a 'loser'. He stole her away from her old boyfriend, he is a high school drop-out who joined JobCorp in order to get his GED....only to drop-out (or get kicked out, in his words, because his instructor hates him) of JobCorp a week before he was to graduate from there.

He doesn't have a job or a car or any other place to stay right now, so he moved into the apartment of a friend's new boyfriend (they have only been together about two weeks). Jon and I have made it a point to tell them he can't move into the house with her and free-load off of us if his new housing deal doesn't work out. His family wants nothing to do with him and have even threatened to press charges on him for stealing, if he tries to move back to California with them.

Two months ago they told us that they are engaged and are getting married as soon as they have the money for a license. My daughter doesn't have a job either but has been convinced to sell her blood plasma every week so they can save the money. She isn't out of high school yet either and I am afraid she is throwing her education out the window too. She does internet schooling, so it's not like she has to be there every day in order to graduate, just do all the work by a certain time.

Does anyone think that this great teen-age love affair has any hopes of succeeding? Because I sure don't.

what gives me pause, is that his family has nothing to do with him. THat is really the only bad sign I see.

The economy is hard right now, so not having a job is not the end of the world as far as character or integrity is concerned

is he trying to do ANYTHING for himself or is the effort just on her?


My first love/first husband and I also sold plasma in the beginning to make ends meet, but we lasted nearly seven years and probably could still be together if I had known better about some things. I think young love can be true love but (just like in older couples) both have to be willing to make sacrifices and put in hard work when it calls for it. If there is only one or neither willing to do that,, its a recipe for disaster.

He doesn't have any way to get to a job, if he were to find one. But honestly, out of all the people looking for work, is a high school drop-out with no mode of transportation going to be the first choice for the job?

He has no place to live if the friend breaks up with her new boyfriend. She doesn't have a great track record for staying with guys. And how long is that guy going to let him stay if he doesn't bring in money for food and rent?

By "stole her away from her other boyfriend" I mean he was hitting on her and more ( yes she was guilty in this also) while her boyfriend, his room mate at Jobcorp at the time, was taking a nap or busy cooking dinner for the three of them. I feel that he isn't trustworthy and if he did something like this before, what is going to stop him from trying it again..... aka, a lack of character in my opinion.

No, he isn't much on the "motivational" side when it comes to himself, he claims he will sell plasma too, but he will probably just use the money to keep him in cigarettes.

There are a lot of red flag popping up and I hope I can talk some sence into her.

my daughter was 14yrs old when she had her first child
she was with thr father when she was 13yrs old they were together on and off for 10yrs
she saw something in him that we didnt.. he was a drug addict and alcoholic
they got married 1month before she found out she was pg with her 3rd child.
my daughter is no longer with wit him now
he was on probation for sagitary rape (on my daughter) but you cant rape the willing
they split up right before there first annerversary
and i had said that i felt he was going to get in trouble before his probation period was up and i was right
he and his brother both got 3yrs in jail
his brother is now out but my daughter ex hubby got in trouble while he was in jail so he has another 3yrs to go
thats his fault..
my daughter is now 28yrs old and is expecting her 4th child with a man she has only known less than a yr. but he has a full time job and doesnt do any form of drug and rarely drinks...
and he adores my grandkids and my daughter

That's something like what I am afraid of Queene.... I really don't want her coming home pregnant and telling me he left her....I know it can happen in any relationship, but I read of so many teen age marriages breaking up very quickly.

At this point mom,if she is 18.There is not much you can do about this.
Just let her know your concerns and you will be there for her.She needs to due this on her own.And as long as he is not abusive, then just let them grow up. If they truely in love.They will be fine.
J.M.O

I know she is old enough to do what she wants, but she wants me to pay for a party for them and a bunch of friends after the marriage by the justice of the peace and for a wedding gown.....I don't really want to, I just don't have the confidence that this will last.

If they wan't to get married quickly make them pay for the wedding. That will show them some responsibilty and maturity in life and also that money does not grow on trees.

Getting married at a young age is bad also i would tell her that she should wait to get married so when she has money she can get married and have the wedding of her dreams

I don't know whats going to happen. Like anyone ever really does.

But I know that she will always have a place to live and be loved.

I have asked her to wait, I told her I would pay for a full reception if she only waited, but she says they will get married anyway but she would rather do it with my blessing.

I don't think it will last, but who's to say it won't? Who's to say she won't find some other loser to tie her down when this one fizzles out? She's still young enough to make a few mistakes and bounce back OK. Hopefully she atleast learns a few things from it though.

I hope so, Totage...

my sister got married right after highschool
she was not even 18 when she got married which they had been together a little over 2yrs
and no they didnt even consider on having any kids untill a few yrs after they got married
my sister and brothernlaw have been married for 34yrs and my nephew is 31yrs old (there only child) this is one teen marriage that has actually worked

Eileena, my heart bleeds for you...


we spend all their little lifetimes keeping them safe, moving things that might harm them out of reach...and then one day, they wander off into the minefield of life without us.


....and we can see the dangers....we can smell them a mile away...and we fear if we come on too strong, they will avoid us...remove themselves from our protective arms.


No-one told me when I was pregnant my heart was soon to walk around outside my body...


Love her.....heart in throat, love her....hold her with arms wide open, and love her...

stand to one side with the mop and bucket at the ready....and love her...

support her crazy dangerous ideas....just enough to keep the dialogue open between you...

at the worst...a granbaby...that will need your heartand arms.

at the best, a daughter who says thankyou for being there, even when I had lost my mind and reasoning...




my heart is aching for you...I feel your fears...

Wow,if you really have that strong of feelings,then I would not pay for it.But sweety.She will be so hurt.She may feel that if this is a mistake? That it is hers to make.
But you sure don't have to pay for it.I sure feel for you.This is such a double edge sword!
My goes out to you and John

{{{{{Lee}}}}}

Thank you.

Darlingheart....

vent with John....cry your tears and fears with John...and be the serene Mumma cat with your girl...


so what if she wants a party....so what if she wants a white frock....think of it as fancy dress....and have fun with that..

she's asking you, almost begging you, to approve of her...which you already do...she's attempting to include you...by asking for the dress and a party.

you may not approve of her decisions, nor her choices....and you can share your fears with her....but not in an emotionally charged arena...


be gentle with you, and her.

This is breaking Jon's heart too, he shares the feelings I have about this guy. He sees it even more than I do because she is with him. I don't know what I did to get such a wonderful man but I thank God everyday that he chose me.