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| Topic: Am I spending to much time thinking? :) | |
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honesty (don't rage all over me, just ignore me if this offends you): you need to have something that separates you from other girls instead of relying on dumb chance/circumstance/looks to carry you through if you want a guy that's worth a long run with (as many single girls do indeed rely on in my experience: many guys will stick with a girl out of how things just end up after the initial attraction of the aforementioned criteria. Many girlfriends of mine (friends who are girls who share with me their evil tactics of getting the best guys or competing with other girls) for instance don't vary much in terms of being competitive and somewhat malicious instead of striving to become beautiful souls. They tend to be wrapped up in the material world/self centered and they have schemes in which anything they do that may appear to be altruistic or truly caring are really actually contrivances to end up with selfish ends. This causes them to appear somewhat the same in the eyes of guys. So the guy ends up simply picking the best looking one out of the bunch or basing his decision on something else other than the special real true love he might feel for someone he sees something exceptional in) if he sees something unique/special and beautiful in you (possibly character wise) that's going to be the likely thing to make him see past ANYTHING for the diamond he sees in you THEN AGAIN: There are SO MANY types of people out there now, you actually probably won't have any problem at all as long as you don't confine your hunting grounds what r u smokin' I'd love to be that incoherent for an evening    Ima teaser
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First of all, there are many guys who DON'T want to be with a single mother. And, as I am sure you probably know, the main reason is due to these guys believing that "she only wants a baby daddy, sugar daddy, etc". But not all guys are like this.
My dad, the man who raised me, is my step-father (in legal terms). But make no mistake. That man is my father. And I am his baby son. Biologically, we are not father and son. But that does not matter. The reason I mention this is because my dad met, and fell in love with my mom. She and I were a package deal, and thus, he accepted that. My biological dad was not around, so my step dad was all I had. And I thankful for that. He didn't have to take me in as his own. But because he fell in love with my Mom, he fell in love with me too. To him, all he wanted to do was love my Mom, and be the best role model for me that he could. Basically, if a man falls in love with a single mom, that is why he will be with her. Like has already been mentioned. You never know who you will fall in love with. So, to over think this, and to worry and wonder about it....you aren't doing yourself any favors. |
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nice post
and great story ya, I agree - I think we have to measure the worth and intentions of a person when we meet them and not jump to conclusions that "she" wants a sugar daddy, or "he" wants a free babysitter/dishwasher/cook if a person is going to be the type to take advantage of you, they are going to do that to you with or without kids involved. so if u meet someone who is worthwhile, they will most likely be worthwhile in all of their dealings with you - including their intentions or plans for working around the kids that either one of you might have. |
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 what Josie said What everyone has said makes sense. :) I made friends with people that had children and others who claimed that they love being single(but complained that they would never find the right one). I took the time to get to know the person and understand why they thought what they did and it then explained their actions better. Through all of what I was going through, I still found the time to have a life and be a good mother. |
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First of all, there are many guys who DON'T want to be with a single mother. And, as I am sure you probably know, the main reason is due to these guys believing that "she only wants a baby daddy, sugar daddy, etc". But not all guys are like this. My dad, the man who raised me, is my step-father (in legal terms). But make no mistake. That man is my father. And I am his baby son. Biologically, we are not father and son. But that does not matter. The reason I mention this is because my dad met, and fell in love with my mom. She and I were a package deal, and thus, he accepted that. My biological dad was not around, so my step dad was all I had. And I thankful for that. He didn't have to take me in as his own. But because he fell in love with my Mom, he fell in love with me too. To him, all he wanted to do was love my Mom, and be the best role model for me that he could. Basically, if a man falls in love with a single mom, that is why he will be with her. Like has already been mentioned. You never know who you will fall in love with. So, to over think this, and to worry and wonder about it....you aren't doing yourself any favors. Nice Goofers... My dad (step-dad technically) was the same way.. I've never admired a man like I did/do him.. Unfortunately he passed away when I was 19.... |
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Why wouldn't he? You're still a woman.. You're still human.. People date and fall in love with women/men with children all the time... It's about the person you are and the person he is that is going to matter, NOT if you have a child or not.... It just seems like guys are fine with the single part but not the mother part. haveu tried seeking other single parents/men who also have kids or who object to you having them? don't worry about the rest As the saying goes, been there, done that and so on... :) I met a couple of people but my daughter wasn't around until I got to know the person better and see what they were like with and without their children. Most were at a different point in the brake up then I was. They asked for feedback and I was objective and shared some of my story. It helped me to understand from a fathers veiw. |
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Why wouldn't he? You're still a woman.. You're still human.. People date and fall in love with women/men with children all the time... It's about the person you are and the person he is that is going to matter, NOT if you have a child or not.... It just seems like guys are fine with the single part but not the mother part. haveu tried seeking other single parents/men who also have kids or who object to you having them? don't worry about the rest As the saying goes, been there, done that and so on... :) I met a couple of people but my daughter wasn't around until I got to know the person better and see what they were like with and without their children. Most were at a different point in the brake up then I was. They asked for feedback and I was objective and shared some of my story. It helped me to understand from a fathers veiw. ya I know what you mean I have a been there done that attitude toward some stuff too I guess it's harder when kids are young- I've heard people say they just leave the kids out if it unless it gets serious (my choice) - as far as meeting each other's kids I've also heard guys say that they like women w; kids when they are responsible moms because it shows they are responsible to those they care for |
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First of all, there are many guys who DON'T want to be with a single mother. And, as I am sure you probably know, the main reason is due to these guys believing that "she only wants a baby daddy, sugar daddy, etc". But not all guys are like this. My dad, the man who raised me, is my step-father (in legal terms). But make no mistake. That man is my father. And I am his baby son. Biologically, we are not father and son. But that does not matter. The reason I mention this is because my dad met, and fell in love with my mom. She and I were a package deal, and thus, he accepted that. My biological dad was not around, so my step dad was all I had. And I thankful for that. He didn't have to take me in as his own. But because he fell in love with my Mom, he fell in love with me too. To him, all he wanted to do was love my Mom, and be the best role model for me that he could. Basically, if a man falls in love with a single mom, that is why he will be with her. Like has already been mentioned. You never know who you will fall in love with. So, to over think this, and to worry and wonder about it....you aren't doing yourself any favors. Thanks Goofball, when I hear about stories like yours, it gives me hope to not give up on finding the right one. I didn't know my father until I was 13 and the guys that my mom had hanging around weren't what most would think as role models unless it was about who could make the biggest @ss of themselves when drinking. There weren't many single parent families where I grew up, most stayed together through think and thin because that's what marriage ment to them. My daughter is 9 and she knows who her father is and that's not going to change. Before we moved 800 km away from him, he was only spending time with her so he could try to find out who I was talking with. (He admitted that after we moved.) I got as much legal advice as I could possibley get and I made him aware of it all but it didn't do much. Anyways, I know it's easier on the child if the parents can still get along for the most part. We didn't deal with the courts, I just wanted and still want to move on with my life and still be the mother that I always was. I don't know what it's like to have someone in our lives that's there for the both of us (he brought in the paycheck so his day was done as soon as he walked in the door and when i worked, he seemed even more ticked off about it) and I'm not scared to get out into the world and support myself and my child. I guess it'll be nice to find someone who wants the same things as much as I do but I can't help to still think about it. |
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Why wouldn't he? You're still a woman.. You're still human.. People date and fall in love with women/men with children all the time... It's about the person you are and the person he is that is going to matter, NOT if you have a child or not.... It just seems like guys are fine with the single part but not the mother part. haveu tried seeking other single parents/men who also have kids or who object to you having them? don't worry about the rest As the saying goes, been there, done that and so on... :) I met a couple of people but my daughter wasn't around until I got to know the person better and see what they were like with and without their children. Most were at a different point in the brake up then I was. They asked for feedback and I was objective and shared some of my story. It helped me to understand from a fathers veiw. ya I know what you mean I have a been there done that attitude toward some stuff too I guess it's harder when kids are young- I've heard people say they just leave the kids out if it unless it gets serious (my choice) - as far as meeting each other's kids I've also heard guys say that they like women w; kids when they are responsible moms because it shows they are responsible to those they care for As I mentioned before, I got to know them before I would even think of bringing my daughter around them. As strange as it might sound, some of my new found friends didn't even meet my daughter at all. We hung out and chatted when I was able to get a night to myself. Some would spend time with us but it was like I had 2 children in the house.. lol |
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If you have to ask, it's probably best if you don't know.  Well I like different points of view. :) |
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being a single mother myself i know finding a serious relationship is hard. ive come to find out dating men with kids is an awesome option. my last boyfriend had a daughter the same age as mine, and he was very understanding of the fact 99% of my time was for my baby. just thought id throw that out there.
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being a single mother myself i know finding a serious relationship is hard. ive come to find out dating men with kids is an awesome option. my last boyfriend had a daughter the same age as mine, and he was very understanding of the fact 99% of my time was for my baby. just thought id throw that out there. therein I think lies the issue for some people. we know that potential partners with young children are only going to have limited time for a relationship, so it will take longer to put in the necessary time to bond and develop a relationship. Some will be more accepting of that than others. Some young singles and older singles, are enjoying a "single" lifestyle and may want someone else in a similar place in life. That's why I like ur idea of dating someone who also had kids I don't mind guys with kids as I have 4, but they are older and don't take as much of my time these days -so to date someone with really young children would be difficult - not that I wouldn't - but I forsee issues regarding availability and cancellations that I would understand, but wouldn't like |
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Being a parent is like holding a mirror up to your selfishness. Ultimately, it can make you a person others want to be around all on its own.
Bearing this in mind, you can then decide why this particular guy is interested in you. You might be a great person and he might be a great person ready for a relationship. Or, he might be looking for some comfort not commitment. Or, he might be a creep on the take. Who knows? The answer to that question is: You. You probably already know. As you think about this, you can start to allow your intuition to develop and, as you do this, your ability to feel more certain will get stronger and stronger. |
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being a single mother myself i know finding a serious relationship is hard. ive come to find out dating men with kids is an awesome option. my last boyfriend had a daughter the same age as mine, and he was very understanding of the fact 99% of my time was for my baby. just thought id throw that out there. I have tried that, ended up being friends and talking for hours on end but nothing more could come of it. |
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Thanks everyone for responding to my post. I've figured it out and things are going well. :)
Time to myself has been great and it's also great having people on here to chat with. |
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Maybe try thinking about other things every 10 seconds. Lol
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I would like to here some honest opioions on this. I've been able to give this advice but when I try to follow it myself, I hasn't worked out to well. Maybe I'm just to hard on myself or maybe I'm just thinking that one day it could possibly happen for me, like I've seen it happen for others. I'm a single mother and I guess I'm just wondering why a single guy would want to try to start a relationship with someone that has a child. I've been through a lot over the last couple of years and over coming the hardest times is what helped to makes me stronger. I would like to be in a relationship once again but to even try and meet someone new is a challenge for me. I just can't figure out why a guy would want to date a single mother. Can anyone explain this a little, please. Thanks :) some do, some don't.... out of 3 billion guys on the planet, i'm sure there one or two that won't have a problem with it.. |
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I would like to here some honest opioions on this. I've been able to give this advice but when I try to follow it myself, I hasn't worked out to well. Maybe I'm just to hard on myself or maybe I'm just thinking that one day it could possibly happen for me, like I've seen it happen for others. I'm a single mother and I guess I'm just wondering why a single guy would want to try to start a relationship with someone that has a child. I've been through a lot over the last couple of years and over coming the hardest times is what helped to makes me stronger. I would like to be in a relationship once again but to even try and meet someone new is a challenge for me. I just can't figure out why a guy would want to date a single mother. Can anyone explain this a little, please. Thanks :) Personally, the children don't bother me. I have had friends warn me away from single moms though. Although I can understand the problems my friends are cautioning against, I still don't understand poo-pooing the idea of dating a single mom. They are women....Like everyone else, they want to be loved. If the family they have is not enough to satisfy that, then just like the rest of us, they deserve to find someone special to fill that void. Being that I have no children of my own, I don't have the complications that another man who does have kids faces when dealing with two families. Why shouldn't I consider dating a single mom? I can see a few potential problems, but not enough that I should just write a mom off. Each situation is different. I just need to make sure I fit the situation I get involved in. |
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