12yrs with the same person can do the world for u it can also mess u up when its finished...never had to meet new ppl but here i am drop me a message if u wanna chat... also any advice on gettin on with life after a long relationship would be cool as well L8R

hey there, Just take every day as it comes make new friends, and come on here and talk if you have a problem.

So welcome to the crowd.

thanx amy its hard real hard but i know the more i talk to ppl the better it'll get... i have been betrayed by the one person i thought would always have my back and because she has moved on with her new "friend" they expect me to do the same but it hurts to even see them its been only 2 weeks and of course there are kids involved who i know need their mother.... but hey thanx for taking the time to post hope to chat to u soon maybe

Its really a pain in the butt when someone betray us.. They just dissapear into thin air leaving behind the pain they cause to one.. N when we see them again, we feel more pain.! So i say you move on, life has many things to offer, just be cool enough to face the hard times.. But, but there will be a day when we'll get past all the pain and sufferings.. So my mate, enjoy life what it offers..

hah, just as kind n sweet as her mum.. :)

but my sweet sis, i tell you what., this world is a bad place to live, people take advantage of each other, there's hatred n jeolusy.. Im young but not that dumb. I have experienced that.. But not all people are like that, so you be aware of that, your mind will figure it out.

i was betrayed and to make it worse its my fault.... so she says!!!! unfortunatly she's partly right, i put too much time into work and not enough time into the family... but i grew up with a father that never worked and i never wanted to be like him....i wanted my kids to have the stuff i never had and its cost me bigtime!!!i still have my older 2 kids with me and she has the youngest... it tears me up to think that i will no longer be his male role model and as much as she says i will always be his dad its gunna be hard only having him 1 day a week!!!
heres the story!!! i was asked to move out of the family house on tuesday 8th of feb, i moved out and was staying at my mums, i kept coming back to the house pretty much doin everything i was doin cept living there, everytime i kissed her everytime i held her she made me believe i was moving out to sort out my ****, i mean get into a better routine and that that would solve our issues...i offered on thur10th to take the kids out sat12th but she told me not to bother cause her mum was taking them out for the day.... now as i said i had been goin to the house and everything seemed ok so u can imagine the shock when i knocked off friday night came home unannounced...she meet me at the front door and tolsd me i couldnt come in....now hang on this is my house y cant i come in ...answer from her i have someone here!!!!!!!!!!!! i lost it stormed inside and there the bastard was on my bed...i took my eldest kids after much yelling and screaming...i asked the guy how long she told him we had been separated he said 2 months woyt a joke it was 4 days....this loser has no licence hes a single dad who has his kids cause their mother was a drug addict been to jail himself for stealing a taxi and beating up the driver.... wow that feels good!!!! i have been done over bigtime and by a total loser he knew her in highschool and they had a thing for each other.. so of course he made up aletter he said he had kept all these yrs16 to be exact even thoughh he had his own wife abd 2 kids i caught them on fri11th and he pulled an engagement ring out 3days later i later found out that hey had been on facebook chatting since 6th jan behind my back!!!! they deserve each other both a pair of losers so now its kids n work... i am a manager in hospitality and have never looked at another woman in the 12yrs we were together so my social skills r lacking with the oppisite sex hopefully i will move on eventually i have convinced my self i dont need her and that i am better offf but its hard

Ok...firstly, hello...and welcome, and all that stuff.

Next....I can imagine the sense of betrayal you feel right now, and I applaud you for so quickly acknowledging your part in where your relationship may have started coming undone...you and your children's mother have only been apart a couple of weeks, and for you to see your part in it, is amazing!

How you found out is really hurtful, and painful, and quite a shock, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, however, as time crawls forward you may learn more and more, and the knife will feel like it's twisting deeper and deeper.

Please....although it is extremely difficult to do...DON'T start a score card of wrongs...it just delays you in moving forward sanely, and can also impair your capacity to be there for your kids, and may affect your work.

I suspect you feel robbed, perhaps even foolish...and no-one likes to feel foolish...and most people tend to get angry. Try, please, to not get stewing, brooding angry, it will only hurt you and your kids...and please remember they are the victims here...both you and their mother are the grown ups and you both had choices...the kids had none, and will love you both, together or apart...

By all means, vent your feelings, but with a trusted mate, or a trained counsellor, alcohol free, and without the kids around....however....taking mate's advice can do more harm than good...also it doesn't hurt to get some basic Family Law advice, on shared care of the kids, financial support, property, access, custody etc...and get specific advice on Western Australian law...from a professional...most solicitors don't charge a lot for a first visit...but they are not a therapist, and aren't there for the emotional stuff...just the facts pertinant to the law...so make a list of legal questions, your rights, your obligations, etc, and write down his answers or ask someone to go with you to help you remember everything.

Anyone can tell you..."Forget the B * T Ch"...but it isn't constructive, it won't help you in the long term.

I know you are here on a dating site, and of course you are welcome,as is everyone, partnered, single, married, whatever...but I ask YOU, are you really ready for a new relationship of a romantic kind?..What would you bring to the table right now?

Perhaps friendship is what you are seeking?...not a relationship right now?

I hope you feel less gutted soon Soul...

mmm to jess my thanx how is it u can know so much about how i feel and plz dont take that in a bad way, i guess coming on a dating site was probly more a revenge thing and a way to prove to the ex i could do with out her, what hurts the most is the fact she moved on so quikly (before we split as far as i know she had made up her mind a long time ago i guess) and made it near impossible for me to do anything to get her back, over the past 3-4 weeks i have been on emotional rollercoaster and i aknowledge its not good for my children but i am getting better(i still cant understand y she gave the older 2 to me so easily), there are so many things that remind me of her and time will heal....i hope...unfortunatly at the moment i still love her and bringing someone into that situation deep down i know is not good!!!!!to be honest i'm not sure y iam here but it has been good to talk n post with peepz that dont have a vested interest in either side....i keep beating myself up for taking her for granted and wish i had changed my ways yrs ago but i cant take back whats already done......i am not an innocent victim but i didnt deserve it to go down like it did!!!! i'm still working and this has impacted on my work, but they have been understanding!! i now find myself in a battle to get the children thru the centrelink nightmare and i wish i earned enough money to not have to go there!!!!i have only recently found out in the last few days that my 5yr old and 2yr old(which is in her care have never had thier births registered and so they have no birth certificate)....its just a NIGHTMARE of red tape and its not what i need at the moment....
once again jess thanx for the post any advice is appreciated whole heartedly......shane

Good morning Shane...


How can I know what it is like for you right now?....perhaps I have shared moments in my life that are similar to yours, or have had people close to me experience similar to what you are experiencing.

I know it isn't helpful, however, your situation is not unique...BUT, how you manage it is.

Be gentle with yourself, don't beat yourself up for all that you could have, should have or would have done...instead, learn from what you feel is your part in it, and develop ways to be more of you, to yourself, your family, and your general life, and apply the better you to it.

The younger children's birth certificate would be the first part I would tackle...go back to their hospital of birth (if they were born in hospital) and access the hospital records, then the school or daycare they have attended and get copies of their records....if not born in hospital, or attended any form of care or school, I would start collecting statuatory declarations from government type people who know you,and your children, as well as family, friends, doctors etc...make sure the stat decs are witnessed by a JP...most important!...then you call births, deaths and marriages and ask them how to go about the process of registering your kids.


Emotionally it is madness for a while, usually a couple of years after a long relationship...but I promise you it eases.

Revenge is a wasted energy...although I do understand it...you're hurt, furious, and out to have her experience what you are feeling...it is pointless, sorry...and just shows how powerless you felt at that moment.

A more healing way to manage your hurt is to be constructive....do all that you can for you and your children, take care of yourself, physically and emotionally, eat well, exercise, discover what your likes are, and do them, stay away from drugs and alcohol as much as possible...a quiet beer on Mum's back porch after the kids are in bed is different to a blinder at the bottom of a Jack Daniel's bottle...


Stay on the site, chat to people.... the other different forums are interesting, and there's a whole gammut of interesting and intelligent people on this site, from all over the world...funny people, silly people...you name it they are here...and it can help when that sense of loss and lonliness kicks in...


Please take care of you, Shane, your kids need you to.

thanx again jess, over the last month i have been trying to get myself councilling and have had no luck....unfortunatly only being able to talk to friends and work mates is not really helping as they all take my side and i never wanted there to be sides....its not constructive i guess... i do have friends at work that have been thru similar things and have been helpful in pointing me in the right direction concerning THE RED TAPE :most gov departments give me differing advice and i think this has set me back a cpl weeks...being treated more like a number than a person really sux bigtime....at the moment i do have a plan on what i need to do, no drugs so that isn't a concern alcohol is though and i am slowing realising this is a catalyst for feeling down, i dont drink to excess but i dont just have 1 at mums either :) probly somewhere in the middle, this i need to keep an eye on, and then....1 get kids birth certificates done...2 get a shared parenting agreement written up...3 get child support assesment done....4 sort out centrelink, i would like to think that once i have the kids sorted i will be in a better place (emotionally and financially). i thought originally that i would need to go thru mediation and then court but now i have a form 11 that is filled out by both parents about shared arrangements then lodged with the court making it a legal document. i cant really do anything else but follow this plan and if anything else changes i hope it wont put me back further...i have both the form 11 and the birth certificates to do this week, community legal services are helping with the form 11 and although i dont have the chilrens birth certificates i do have the original registry papers form the hospital so hopefully wont be too much a drama...i havent written it down before but doing it now does make me see that eventually i will get thru it. getting over the other stuff will just have to wait for a bit...
finally jess much thanx to you!!! its hard to find such a caring soul willing to give me their time and support, especially towards a complete stranger and youv'e helped bigtime...i really cant thankyou enough............................

oh and 1 bit of good news, my yr1 boy Deacon was given his word test at school during last week (30 Words that they should know)and he passed so the teacher gave him the yr2 test and he passed she then gave him the yr3 test and he got 22 outa 30. she said there would be no reason y he shouldnt be reading at a yr4 lvl by years end....i was so happy and proud of him when she told me that i was glad i had my sunnies on :) so not alls bad.....

Dude, without you putting the hours in your family wouldve been missing a whole chunk out of their lives. You sound like a good an who was stuck with a woman that couldnt appreciat the good in the things you done. Sounds more like she was trying to pin the blame on you to make herself feel or sound like the one who wasnt in the wrong. Fact of the matter is she was the one who tore your heart out along with your childrens hearts too. I come from a broken family, and its heaps hard to deal with that as the child in the situation. I say you keep your head up knowing your a top bloke who got screwed over and find a bunch of mates who can appreciate your good traits and take it from there. Goodluck on your journey friend :)

thanx for the kind words mate... it seems every 2nd person comes from a seperated family these days... i also fit that mould...my parents split when i was 14 and it was messy... the night they split they had been drinking and mum decided to go with dads best mate...it was round midnight and dad got my 3 brothers and myself ( i being the eldest) up and asked us who we wanted to go with...he then said shane by the way i'm not your real dad......................this had a very bad effect on me and i blame it for me being a bit of an emotional blackhole and this shows through to this very day....although after hearing the bad news i decided to stay with my dad and was the only 1 of the children that did...i know my mum had reasons for leaving and now history seems to be repeating itself....its just another reason for beating myself up...i thought i would never see dark days like that again but have unfortunatly but with the help of friends and more importantly family i am making progress....i still love my ex and would be willing to do anything to have her back but thats unlikely to happen... once again thanx for the kind words :)

Shane....onwards and upwards, and really, why would you want your ex back?

I suspect you want the FEELING of security you had when you were all together...perhaps not her specifically.

I like your plan....and the way to thank me is to check in every now and again...then I know and more importantly, YOU know how far you have come in a really short time...

AGAIN, be gentle with yourself, develop good habits, the ones you want your children to develop, and be the role model you always wanted to be.

thanx jess since i last posted alot has happened!!!! i finally have kids birth certificates and have sorted out the redtape concerning payments i dont want that to sound like a major thing but it helps, work is goin well as i have just been made manager on salary!!! my ex is now taking me to mediation though which can only be a good thing in my view, the kids mean the world to me and have only recently found out that she allows her new partner to smack my 3 yr old this nearly did my head in but i put it down to her goading me into something i will regret later i sooooo want to move on bigtime!!! but is it time!!!! there is someone i would like to see but i dont know how to go about it its weird! being with the same person for soooo long has left me a bit nervous round females? wrong word probs!!! i hope u know what i mean!!!!! hope to hear from u soon later jess