october 8, 2009 through the eyes of my oldest son.


Marino bub, go tell daddy i said
breakfast is ready, time to get out of bed

ok mom,

Daddy, mommy said get up
daddy, get up, thats what she said
come on dad, I'm gonna jump on the bed
i know that makes you mad,
when i jump on the bed, doesn't it dad?
daddy, daddy come on wake up
daddy quit playing, get up
dad, come on, i said breakfast is ready
daddy, daddy, come on wake up
your starting to scare me daddy wake up!
daddy stop playing! your scaring me wake up!
please daddy, please wake up!
why are you doing this? just wake up!

Marino, buddy, whats wrong why are you crying?
mommy, daddy wont wake up!
I tried like you said, i even jumped on the bed
mommy go wake him up, he's scaring me mom
mommy daddy looks sick, and he won't wake up!

Joe, get up hun
Joe wake up, Your scaring your son
Joe, come on wake up,
Joe, JOE! oh god, no, Joe hun wake up
Oh god, joe don't this, Joe hun, wake up
MARINO!, get the phone ,
dial 911
Joe, babe, please, please wake up
just open your eyes if you can hear me!

here mom, here's the phone
the lady on the phone wants to know whats wrong!
why won't daddy wake up?
Marino go wait in the livingroom!
hello? I need an ambulance, my husband won't wake up!
please hurry! his lips are blue!
he has a drug habit, all his pill bottles are empty, oh god!
Joe, how could do this to us?
damn you! how could you do this?

Mom! the ambulance is here! let them in mom!
tell them to help my daddy!

Marino, get dressed
were gonna meet daddy at the hospital
mommy, why wouldn't my daddy wake up?
i even it said nice, i said, daddy please wake up.
But he wouldn't, is he sick? is that why he's going to the hospital?

Yeah buddy, daddy's sick, he's real sick.
mommy why are you crying? your making me cry!
I'm crying cause i don't like it when your daddy's sick

mom, there's a doctor, go talk to the doctor
ask him if we can see dad! tell him i want my daddy now!

Mrs. Eldridge? your husband is gonna live
but, he overdosed on prescription narcotics
he's not out of the woods yet
there is permanant respitory damage
you and your son can go see him for a few,
but he has a long road ahead of him

Daddy! your awake now! daddy you scared me!
oh god Joe, how could you? I thought we lost you.
Daddy, mommy was crying, I cried too dad. we don't like it when your sick.

Marino, give daddy and i a few minutes to talk
ok mom but only a few, cause i gotta talk to dad too, ya know

Joe what the F*,k is wrong with you?
you were dead when your son found you!
was it worth it? was your F*<kin buzz worth it?
how many pills did you take this time Joe? 10, 20?
how F*<kin many? tell me!

Daddy, I just heard what mommy said! is it true?
did you take pills again? they weren't yours were they?
you weren't sick were you? were you! don't lie to me daddy!
what do you always tell me? huh dad?
you don't take pills unless they are yours! and a doctor gives them to you!
what if the ambulance people couldn't help you?
you would be dead right now daddy!
daddy, I love you so much!! please don't do that again
ok dad? me and mommy won't be mad anymore ok?
just promise us ok? right mom?
tell daddy we won't be mad anymore, mom tell him!
see dad were not mad anymore, i told you dad.
me and mommy were just so scared,
all i wanted was for you to come have breakfast with us dad
thats it, but its ok, your ok now,
and your not gonna do that again, so we can have breakfast together tomorrow, ok dad?
daddy we have to go, the doctor says you need rest,
I love you dad, mom loves you too
she is just too upset to come tell you
bye dad, remember were having breakfast together tomorrow, don't forget.

One intense story right there all too crazy in life

After reading some of your stuff here like this one.
I can only say that if you do have children,,I truly hope your putting as much effort into them,,as you do in these stories,,as they would need much love to make over, their fears,and tears.

This has much heart, and much meaning through reading it.
I grew being abused, I know a kids mind,,,and this is not a good flash back,,unless their's a new beginning to their lives.

It is in its way,,written well...I hope you have peace inside you.

to be honest, i wish the stuff i wrote were just stories. But, the sad fact is everything i write involving my children is all true. I wrote all of this stuff to rip me to pieces everytime i read it. so i don't forget how i felt when i wrote it. and so it reminds me of how I've grown as a person. I have 3 boys and they have had difficult lives. but i use that as motivation to learn from my mistakes, and be a better person for them.

Good to know your honest with yourself I had a rough childhood and my parents have done some dumb things probably one of the reasons I enjoy fighting I dont know

But my parents mistakes made me a stronger person just like your mistakes will make your kids better in the long run especially if you are better now so have comfort in knowing that brother much love man and thanks for sharing

Brilliant writing joe..

AMEN Brother,,,May I say that I am very proud of your efforts to be a new YOU,for you and,for THEM. As they grow with you through ALL that you guys have over-come,,and hold your determinations to always FIND and SHARE that LOVE...
Every effort is a gift to you and them to really feel the bond you all have inside...These words and your writing skills bring out the pain and the heart felt in them,, they are REALLY GOOD...
You have a talent and a HEART,,,and your boys will look back after they have grown and KNOW,,,,all of what they and you went through to find,,,EACH OTHER,,God Bless and keep your write flowing,
Good Luck with ALL that YOU want to GAIN,,,

i appreciate all the positive feedback. I let my oldest son Marino read this earlier and he lost it. and it made me realize how far we have come as a family even though my kids don't live with me anymore and i'm no longer with their mom. I wrote this, based on everything he told me about what happened that day. he was only 8 years old when he had to suffer through that experience, but believe it or not there was some good that came from it. Since that day, Marino and i have had such a positive relationship and i honestly believe that if i had died that day, i would have went to hell for hurting them so bad. it eats me up that i could have been such a irresponsible person. Thats why in most of the stuff i write, i point out my flaws and my wrong doing instead of still pretending i was a good person, i guess its my way of being accountable for my actions. thanks for reading.

hey man,,WE ALL have,,for many different and SAME reasons,,been to HELL and Back,,,so YOUR NOT ALONE on here with that..
I filed for a divorce when I was 24 because my ex was NOT being a good mom to my kids when I was gone working,,so what happened,,we divorced and the Judge granted HER custidy,,because I had no PROOF of her hurts and pains she caused them,,My boys then were four and two and ahalf,,,,I LOST IT,,,THAT WAS,,my closet time in life to
lose my mind,THEY WERE MY LIFE!,,I thought about just taking them and running away with them,,so SHE wouldn't scream at them anymore,,or smack them again,,,I didn't,,and I had THEM through visitations every weekend,,,and after two years,,,she GAVE ME custidy of them on paper,,I HAVE NEVER LOOKED BACK,,and PRAISE GOD STILL for that to come about...
And truly,,,Believe in YOU,,and YOU can have a life with them,,always like YOU HAVE NOW,,,a GREAT BOND..and a LOVE that ONLY FATHER AND SONS CAN EVER REALLY FEEL INSIDE!! Very cool to see that
your life is around them and their's around YOU,,

It sometimes troubles me to read your postings. Only because a few years ago I was YOU!! I know what you've gone though only because I've been there myself. Not a fun place to be is it?

AND,,,YES you did,,,,
and ARE,,,,,,and THATS SO VERY COOL TO,,,,,Hugs

Very Very powerful words joe, like i was standing there with them, i could feel all of the emotion.