Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and thier spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually this is not the case.
There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is better to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character.

It is not easy to change, Thus, having expectation on changing a spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.

IT WOULD BE LESS PAINFUL TO CHANGE OURSELVES AND LOWER OUR EXPECTATION RATHER THAN TO CHANGE OTHER PERSON PERSONALITY. THE BEST THING IS TO LEAVE IT THE WAY IT IS AND MANAGE OURSELVES AROUND IT.

I agree with everything except...lowering your own expectations. This involves a fundamental change in your own behavior in order to better suit another's that you are with...this will also lead to a failed relationship.

Pick soneone that you already like, not someone you want to change.

I agree with you nus. One can change ones own behavior when they realize something that is wrong with their behavior. You can't change another person, one can only change themselves. Lowering expectations would result in diseaster for sure.

Nusalor, tks for ur comments, if you keep your expectation lower and get higher from the other person, you will be thrilled indeed, but on the other hand if you keep ur expectation higher and receive lower, then you will be regretted more, so the best bet is to keep yourself at the lower end from the beginning.
In women case remember bro, there is no win win situation, lol

Frank-if you have a healthy ego and sense of self there is no need to lower your own expectations for any endeavor in life. To do so would be to disrespect your own values.

Keeping ego and expaectations at the level you desire will only attract the ego and expectations and respect from others that you deserve.

"Lowering" expectations sounds like last call at the bar...

If one lowers their own acceptance levels in order to avoid a failed relationship...then that person would not truly have what they want...what sense would that make?

You are not choosing a car here...lol...although the 2 to 5 year expectancy IS remarkably similar to choosing a car that you were not happy with...Hmmmmm...

Harmony and Agreements are not possible if two opposite sexes are pulling each other all the time to overpowering each other egos and don't let any occassion to pull each other legs just to prove that I am better human than you.

To try to change someone, you risk resentment and rebellion. If you love someone, think of what made you fall in love with them. Why change perfection. Loving someone means, this person is perfect for me. Can you change the color of the sunset, to suit your color scheme, or the tides that flow in and out? Accept or find what is more to your liking.

Frank, I respect your sincerity...

I am reminded here of myself...and all that I tried to do in order to make it work in a bad relationship of past...it all led to deeper hurt...I did everything I knew to do...and then some more...and then some more...accepted things that I knew better than to accept...things that did not...do not...and would not ever please my heart's spirit...made excuses...overlooked...loved as best I could anyway...

Which was NOT the best that I can...without all the other variables

I have found out that one cannot "prove" love to another...there are some people that you just can't reach...

I will never again allow myself to be in a situation where I have to "prove" my love...when I have done nothing wrong

If it is right...I believe that it is near effortlessness ...without resentment for enlightenment...on either part...two grow...two love...two accept...two learn...and it only gets better...not lower

i agree too but like nus said... wouldnt lower...

Buttons...you need a shave!

Frank, That doesn't make sence..
Yea what they said gggeeesshh!

I think one point is being overlooked here, some people seek an overpowering or dominating person because thats what they want and feel they need. Many people gravitate toward someone stonger than themselves w/o even conciously know they are doing it. Just some food for thought

Relationships grow from desire. To seek a dominant partner is to fulfill a need that should be addressed in some other way.

interesting thread frank.

i'm thinking that to love is to dominate
but also to submit. which means of course
that one is asking the wrong question!

i think the essence of this comment, and
perhaps of the chinese saying is that love
is a giving of oneself more than accepting
something from your partner...

kind of like "it is better to give than
to receive" or "the best gift is the gift
of yourself"

anyway, you may have caught me in a contemplative
mood but it made me think - along with the
interesting responses from the others here.
i guess you are all right! at least i agreed!

now, frank do you know this saying in Chinese?
if so please spell it out in a post using the
english alphabet. i would like to run it by
some friends who speak Chinese. Do you know
where it comes from?

One tip: Get to KNOW the person before you "pick" them. If there is anything you can see that you might want to change about them in a relationship, RUN.

I don't want to have to train a man, I want them to already be a good person. IF there is something about them that I see that could use some work, I ask them if thats something they are willing to be flexible about. If the answer is yes, then we are in business. If its a NO, then sorry for ya, I'm out!

lowhand, tks for the thread analysis, no i don't know this saying in chinese language