I'm sorry i complain so much.
I have been single for 3 years, and i dont know how to escape it. Other peoeple, people who see me every day(not even my friends), look at me and wonder why I am single. it is embarassing and i have no answer to give them. Now one of my students is taking me clothes shopping on friday because he is convinced that my clothes are to blame.
My self esteem is zero, I can't see any part of me that is worth much of anything, so I don't really have anything to offer a potential significant other. I know it's hard for someone to love you when you hate yourself in the first place, but I feel very trapped and I can't stop whatever thinking is inside me that is destroying everything.
All i ever wanted was someone who I could share life with. Someone I could care for, provide with support in every way and defend with my life. I don't know how to find her when I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I don't understand where i went wrong.

ps - I am very sorry that I wrote this and threw it at you guys, I don't expect anyone to solve my problems! I just needed an invisible friend to vent at and maybe someone out there has been in a similar situation.
If you have read this far, thank you and again, i'm sorry.

well my good man, now that you've let it out, reread what you wrote and you will see your problem. i've been divorced since 1997, and like you i am looking for the someone who I could share life with. Someone I could care for, provide with support in every way and defend with my life. thing is i'm still looking. the difference is i love myself. the way i walk, talk, laugh, work, everything about me. i don't appeal to some women because of my appearence, but they can move on and look for someone else. that my friend is the difference. you shouldn't care if she comes, lays, stays, or prays. you live your life. you are a handsome guy, and your feelings matter. now believe that and show some chica that. you've got this bro, and if you change clothes to attract some girl, you may end up attracting the exact one you don't want. be yourself, and if you need help take a loser as a wingman the next time you go anywhere so you look good by comparison. peace bro and you are definately in my prayers. bulldog.
p.s. if you want to change clothes, now do it because YOU want it.

confusius say: esebulldog is wise, and, clothes don't make the man young grasshoppa.

dude, that was probably probably the most useful thing i have ever heard someone say to me.
When I broke up with my last girlfriend I figured it would be smart to use the time to get back to myself... I don't think I ever really did. I still have to figure out how to like myself. Since I dont have a choice of being me or not being me, existence will be pretty miserable if i don't like me.
Thank you for taking the time to write, friend.

@bastet126: you're right, he's a very smart guy. btw i love your photo, its mesmerising.

i am glad to hear that, but i must ask you for a favor. the way you feel now is much different than the way you felt when you first posted (i hope). so you must do me a favor and if you ever have the opportunity to touch someone else the way you were touched, don't even think about it, just do it. thank you, and you truely are a friend.

You need to love yourself before you can expect anyone to love you. You also need to believe in yourself and have faith in what you do. If you need someone to care for, other than yourself, get yourself a pet. A cat or a dog, or both. They are great company, especially cats (I may be biased having grown up with cats my whole life.) Then you'll have someone to care for and to protect. Good luck!

after i posted, i read the forum rules and found a section that said youre not allowed to post if youre fishing for pity... I felt that my post could have been taken in that way, so on top of everything else, i felt like a heel for even trying.
thank you for responding to me. youre right, i do feel better than i did. before it was just mindless flailing, now i feel like there is something i can do.
and dont worry my friend, i never think twice about helping others! my profession allows me to help injured workers retrain and return to work... so that i am thankful for. next time i help anyone i'll think of when you helped me!

@thayet153: thank you, and i do have a cat that i love! for you, i posted her picture in my photos section... her name is jade!

How are you liking us so far, IchabodCrane?
We know how to send in the big guns :-)

Such a pretty name for a pretty kitty

@soufiehere: no kidding! i've never found this level of community support anywhere online before, i wasnt expecting this. i've been visiting for one day and i'm already in love with all of you!

@thayet153: jade has one ear that became folded over... so now i call her Earie sometimes...

She is still adorable. Always have to be grateful for the company pets provide us. And they show their gratitude in their own ways.

Live the life you want to live, do the things that you want/like to do.
Don't make it dependent on whether or not you are in a relationship.
Get to the place where you are OK with who you are right now.
Have a life to share with someone, then you can build something together.
I didn't rely on just the internet either. I dated from work and church too. I tried to stay busy, not doing the activities in hopes of meeting someone, but keeping my eyes open to who ever I might meet along the way.

All easy for me to say now since I found someone special.

"That We Ought Not to Spend Our Feelings on Things Beyond Our Power"

"If a thing goes against another's nature, you must not take it as evil for you. For you are not born to share humiliation or evil fortune but to share good fortune. Prove yourself affectionate, but see that you observe this rule: If this affection of yours or whatever you call it is going to make you a miserable slave, it is not for your good to be affectionate. We ought not to let anyone make us miserable, but let everyone make us happy."

wow, thanks guys... inspiring stuff...

Please...never apologize for needing a shoulder...that is what most of us are here for....to not only be supported, but to support. You look so sad. I have been there many times in my life....I hope you get better. I will say a prayer for you and keep you in my thoughts....I hope each day you find something to smile about....never know....someone just might smile back

Let me say something about clothes. You need to find a style that suits you my friend. I understand the saying that clothes do not make a person. But they do, point of fact, give you an identity. Trust me. I'm a blue collar guy but I am able to dress in a manner that I don't look too rough. Away from work, if I go out, it's all about my style. I don't go by what people say I should. I wear what I like, feel good in it, and because I do feel good in my clothes I feel good about me. I know people who dress Goth and it makes them feel empowered. My point is that if you do find a style, then it can help you. Because if you like what you wear, then you like who you are even more. My opinion, and some may disagree, but hey....that's why we all give our own opinions.

i agree you should feel good and comfortable in your shoes!! i was one that said 'the clothes don't make the man' meaning more 1) that's not gonna be a fix all, unless we're talking 'how can i look smokin for the homecoming dance' and 2) having someone else pick out what he should wear is nice, but probably not entirely helpful or could exacerbate his identity issue.

truely, if the man feels good in his clothes, all the better. but, it's what inside the clothes that matter most, and i mean that in a clean way...

Of course you do. I'm sure you were talking about a dudes heart. Awwwwwwwww. How romantic!!