when my girlfriend and i broke up, the last thing she said to me was "you will never find anyone else like me". Thank god for small favors.

my girlfriend came home one day, packed a bag of clothes and said she was leaving me, i said "oh sure, now you want to do me a favor."

my girlfriend and i split up, we had a dis-agreement over sexual positions. My favorite sexual position was doggy style, and hers was with another mother fu*ker.

my girlfriend and i re-invented doggy style, I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.

I nick named my girlfriend "tornado" cause when she comes over there's alot of sucking and blowing and when she leaves my car disappears.

*words of advice-- if you hit your girlfriend/wife it's domestic violence, if you have a friend come over and hit her, it's only simple assault.

my girlfriend passed away last week, i didn't even realize it until i noticed the dishes had piled up.

I was very particular when i chose my kids mom, I wanted to be comfortable with who my kids spend the weekend with.

my girlfriend and i both got life insurance, now it's just a waiting game.