I have recently come to a conclusion. It is impossible to please anyone (especially family), by trying to be "normal" when it is clear you aren't. At the same time, it is highly IMPOSSIBLE to gain any approval when you decide that for old times sake you'd like to be even more different and step outside of the box a little. And just .. breathe

It took me this long to start finding myself again. In a sense, I did loose myself ... what I stood for, who I was, who I was suppose to be ... for a few years now. And now that I start feeling like .. me again .. I'm going to be criticized, and shot down. I believe I am surrounded with enough negativity as it is .. why add more? Why are families the root of all things negative? Why do I deserve to be stereotyped and shot down when I decide I want to be a little darker some days? (appearance wise) I don't judge them OR anyone else for that matter.

I think I am done trying to be approved by my own family. I'm finally realizing negativity will always reign over any positiveness with them. I should not care. I should worry about me. Am I wrong?

Are you obligated to the bloke who sells newspapers?...in how you behave, dress and think?


Family is no different...you are an adult in your own right...you get to be YOU....they get to be THEM...

and if they are uncomfortable with the WHO of you...their loss.

Be the BEST you, that you can be....


....for YOU.

Thanks. I get what you are saying. I just wanted a smidgen of approval on something .. only because I don't think I've ever gotten any .. even as a teenager. But now that I am an adult, I suppose it's time to just deal with that factor and realize ... that it shouldn't matter.

The problem comes in when you start using other people's standards as if they're something you have to conform to.

The problem gets worse when you start using other people's standards as something you have to rebel against.

See the common factor here? Other people's standards.

You have to find your own.

You can waste your whole life trying to please everyone else, and you'll never do it. Why bother? Do what's right for you, be who you are.

I think it was always the fact that I am sensitive. Really, who wants to deal with sarcasm and criticism and harsh remarks every time you stop to see those particular people? I think it just hurts a little. It hurt worse when I lived at home.

<---------my parents, inlaws, brothers, relatives would cross the street to pretend they didn't know me, wearing this getup...


...and they would lose out on a hug, a laugh, and a moment of pure joy...

advice for what?

a solar pump....

ha ha thats great

Different is always hard to pass off.
People do not like different, they are more comfortable with the same as them.

I recommend, with as short as life is, you do what makes you happy.

Happiness comes from within each of us, noone on the outside gives it to us.

I hope that helps.

I have to say, we seem to have this innate need for approval....and especially from the family...


BLECH!

Are they perfect humans? Completely Mother Theresa, Gandhi-like?

I'm guessing the answer would be ...'no'...


in all my fluffing about here, I am attempting to share with you....you require no approval from anyone, and when you stop requiring it...other people's criticisms will roll off without a dint.

It doesn't matter! You can't please all the people all of the time and there's a point where you have to realize that you shouldn't have to... If people care about you they approve of you b/c they love you and if they don't then so what! Be true to yourself and approve of yourself.. That is all you need.. In the end, if you do all that makes everyone else happy are you happy?

Don't take any wooden nickels...........

I have found that even if you try to be like them ... it doesnt matter because there is still something you are doing wrong. I am realizing, after all this time that I should do what makes me happy. I have been .. it hasn't been approved, but yet I have not cared. I just wanted to take it up a notch to make myself complete.

I am at that point of realization. I don't know. I've never found that end that has been possible to make everyone else happy. Maybe that's what has drained me all this time.

The drainage is so not worth it.. I learned that long ago (well not sooooo long ago) but I came to a point where I realized the truth in a great quote "those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind"... You have to put you first and your needs first (this is not saying in front of children or being cruel to others.. I'm sure you're not just clarifying my thoughts)..

That's a decision you make, and one that you permit to control your thoughts and behaviors.

Get past the idea that anyone else has any right to set your standards for you.

Of course, it's easy for me to say, I don't have any family -- but even when I did, I realized at a young age that they had no idea who I was, or who I was trying to be. Ergo, no input into the process.

I spent many years wishing that my 'family' would treat me better. What a waste of my wishes. Had I realized earlier that each of them was broken in their own way, I could have saved myself a lot of time and energy. But, we are all here to experience life and learn, right? Perhaps you are meant to learn how to handle it when someone stereotypes you. Or, perhaps you are meant to learn how to handle 'negative' comments gracefully. There's always a lesson in our pain.

The toughest thing for me to learn was how to forgive them (each of them) for the role they played in my life and to forgive myself for the role I played. Had I made better choices, I wouldn't have hurt so much. So, perhaps you are meant to learn how to forgive yourself and/or others. (shrugging shoulders) It's just a thought.

And don't eat the yellow snow

Thank you for that kind of insight. The thought has crossed my mind in the past, but it has been in my mind more lately.