I have this friend (female) who I would call fairly attractive. She has been dating the same guy for the last 6yrs. This might sound crazy but she is having a problem where everywhere she goes, she gets hit on. She is also partially disabled and uses a power chair but she takes very good care of herself. She dresses her best everywhere she goes. Not scantily or anything, but she believes in looking 100% no matter where she goes. Even the bus drivers who she relies on to help her get around town are constantly hitting on her. It is a special transport bus and they take advantage when she is the only passenger. One of them even slipped $200 in her purse when she wasn't looking.

How would you deal with this if you were her?

What does being disabled have to do with anything? I'm not sure about that $200, but otherwise I'd take it as a compliment.

Honey.....


they can slip me $200 anytime their little hearts desire!

I'd talk about her behind her back on chat forums...

Take the $200 and hit the strip clubs!

If I was her, I would graciously accept the compliments I was receiving. If the gentlemen in question were to cross the line or become vulgar, I would politely explain my boundaries.

I don't understand the $200.00 reference here. Was this done for a specific reason? Or, was this a gesture of kindness with no strings attached?

i have 2 agree with u **** i'd take the complaments and take the money and go shopping hell yeah

It's not behind her back if she knows I'm doing it. She asked me what I would do so I am asking others what they would do in that situation.

As for the $200, I don't really know why the guy was trying to give it to her.

And she is flattered by the attention but some of these guys don't give up. Every time they have her on the bus they keep asking her to go out with them. And most of them have made it quite clear that all they want is to find out how she is in bed. I mentioned she is disabled because they mention wanting to find out what it's like to sleep with someone like her.

If it's if they just want to know how she is in bed, then she should give them a swift whack in the sacks and say "Something like that".

It is sad that when a Woman who is also disabled, especially if she is really got it going on as far as appearance, goes out in public there are a certain portion of the men who think it is cool to enjoy their vulgar fantasies and verbally harass her or insult her by giving her money under the guise of sympathy. People with disabilities don't need pity.

I am not talking about a well spoken compliment or even asking for a date; because able bodied men do talk to/date/marry women with disabilities every day. She has a right to be flattered by the gentleman who keep it in line. However it does not sound like she knows how to recognize or handle when the line is crossed and goes into the unflattering even dangerous zone. That is not particularly a good thing. Neither is her possibly trying to include you in the scenario if it is not to help but only to make you jealous. Women with disabilities are still women and some women play games.

Part of this problem is that some women with disabilities and able bodied pretending to be disabled have participated in porn and pin-ups and this fuels the problem. As the fact that some women with disabilities, like their able bodied peers, do resort to prostitution to support themselves and idiot people see the disability and for get there is an individual who makes choices as an idividual. Many disabled women do not comprimise their right to choose who and when they want to have intimacy soley because of disability or financial hardships. Or even low self esteem; which may be part of your friend's problem.

Something to take seriously is that disabled women do report an significantly higher number of violent sexual assaults so she wants to be very careful about her saftey. Sadly many disabled children have been violated and are desentitized to abuse by bullies and molesters in the caregiver, school, and medical settings.

What your lady friend wants to remember is she is a protected minority and she does NOT have to tolerate sexual harrassment or assualt and she can and shoudl report it; especially in the public schools, transit systems, or the work place. She can go to her local Independent Living Center ( will be glad to find one for her they are in all major cities now) and get referrals for free legal resources to put a screaching halt to this abuse. She could also take free classes on how to assertively handle these creeps and even defend herself if necessary.

What she does NOT want to do is engage this behavior or accept money because then she is liable for charges of "soliciting" and or "begging" which could get her banned from mass transit or even jailed. Fortuneate for her this is not a new problem for mass transit managers and by reporting and requesting help in allowing her to travel in peace they will usually be very proactive. It is considered a Hate crime in most cases to intimidate or assualt a obviously disabled person so these low-lifes could find themselves is DEEP water.

Her local Mayor usually has a Special Board but United Way Listed in the phone book) will also have trained counselors that can give her phone, address, and computer access to all sorts of free resources. If not tell her to contact and organization called ADAPT or Gray Panthers and I guarantee she will have plenty of "help" in "discourageing" these creeps.

Thank you for being her friend and asking for input. Public education is essential if all Americans (for that matter citizens everywhere) to have freedom to enjoy the access that is now available.

Which also means that people with disabilities can live independently of public support if they can get to school, work, shopping, and accessible houseing.

Thank you, first of all for taking my question seriously. I will definitely be looking into some of the things you suggested and I will talk to her about it.