After 2 children and some very challenging times, mostly due to money and my wife's hoarding, the time has come to make a decision.

We have 2 beautiful children, one in grade one another less than a year old.

Our relation started out as many others, and we had an average sex life. Unfortunately, that area suffered so much that for months, we were not intimate at all.

I have emotional and physical needs and like most men, feel more connected if we are intimate. Unfortunately, my wife feels disconnected, will not initiate any cuddling, intimacy or leisure activities. She says she needs to feel love in order to do all of those things.

We went through an extremely difficult time with money, mostly due to her spending. At one point, our only vehicle was temporarily repossessed, collectors were calling and I went through such a challenging time that I had to check myself in for a psychiatric evaluation.

My wife spent money on new clothes, new toys for my daughter and other things, unfortunately, mostly on credit. She hid her spending from me until the calls started from collectors.

Eventually, we were able to speak with a (no-cost) credit counselling service, and were able to have the interest stopped, so we are paying principal only.

Now, our financial situation has improved somewhat, but it is nowhere near perfect. Of course, this caused such stress on our relationship that it doesn't appear to be reversible.

I am on this site only as Im looking for answers from people who may have gone through the same thing and survived it all. If my separation is permanent, I may look into to dating again, but it would certainly have to wait for a while.

Does anyone have any opinions or advise for me?

"Confused and seeking answers"

just be honest with yourself and others, seems like you are doing the right things(seeing a counselor, trying to understand things,,)

Just take your time. Deal with one problem before creating more.

IMO staying together for the kids doesn't work. The adults end up resenting each other.

You either need to work it out or move on.

Sorry you are going through this. It happens

Thanks for your reply....

I do have some hope that we can still work things out, and hope that this break will only be temporary.

I think we have too much to lose as a family if we don't first try "dating" and getting to know each other again.

Only after some serious effort and after some time to breathe separately will I know conclusively that I must move on. Only then will I date others.

If someone else special comes into my life, although it might be tempting, I'd have to decline on getting closer until I've done everything to first save my marriage.

I will always encourage people to work out their problems before giving up without trying.

I think you need to take it slowly and don't expect things to be fixed over night.

Just have patience.

awesome attitude, wish more had it,, good luck!!

Focus on your children...Not sure who they live with now, but always put them first and every other decision is like pie. And make sure it makes sense to start dating. Don't ever do something if it doesn't benefit your children or your mental health in the long run. Unless their mom can show u that she's a responsible adult (financially), don't waste your time. Your kids will suffer from all the back & forth-ness so to speak. I been there, done that, but it wasn't a financial issue so much. Hang on....

Not to mention he will keep getting free nookie if he stays with her! Leave it to me to always think of the bright side of things!

Also try spicing things up. Goto your local swingers club, that works on a lot of marriages!

Michael, I think you don't need any more advice regarding your situation. You have the right attitude and it's great that you're trying to seek help that could benefit your marriage. Just keep things realistic and positive. I truly wish you luck and I hope everything works out for both of you.

Tammys thoughts:


Besides credit counseling......get couples and individual counseling


i dont think mingle is really the place to take serious marriage issues

You seem to be doing everything you can to save what you have....the best of luck to you. It's nice to see someone that actually wants to save their marriage instead of simply walking away from the problem

Thanks.... She's worth keeping. The problem I have is that when I bring up important issues like money, intimacy and how to deal with the clutter (she has trouble getting rid of things), the conversation hits a brick wall.

I like to deal with things now & not go to bed angry. She, on the other hand, would rather "talk about it later". Of course, the issue is swept under the rug, which just makes things worse.

Of course, these issues fester and cause resentment. It's difficult to talk through a brick wall.