I am the guy i didn't want to be again.

The one who tries to save a dying relationship.

The one who knows that i did nothing wrong
this time.

I am the guy i hate to be.

The one shuffling half a deck of cards
hoping my queen of hearts is in there
somewhere.

How could she deceive me? The deception of having my child
and not wanting to be with me feels nothing short of traumatic.

She is bringing the poetry out of me. My escape to counter her escape.

She has told me all the common breakup cliches yet we are still
together.

I know i should move on but i don't want to stop loving her.
My torture is Love. My love is dying. my dying is unjustified
in my eyes.

I give her the world.

Only when i look in her eyes i see she wants the universe.

I don't get it.
I was king!

She was none less my queen.

We could see face to face.

Nowadays with her pregnant
she just wants her space.

All i can do is hold on because i am not trying to see
my other option.

I am refusing to let go!

I guess it is because i am having a baby in 4 months where everyday
i feel closer to this woman thinking about my son inside of her.

i wish i could call her my love
yet she is making that feel awkward.

I feel like i could have picked a better woman for a relationship even though
she is a great mother.

She is really broken from all her years of partying, abuse, drugs, neglect and
whatever other weight she carries on a daily basis to burden her down.

I miss our faces.

How we would smile and laugh as if all we wanted to do was hold on to one another
and never let go.

I know what she wants and what she thinks she wants and they are too different.

A sacrifce has been made.
I have become less clingy because this is what she wants.

I love helping her and doing things she doesn't even ask me to do.

It is ironic considering i used to consider myself very self-centered.

Now i am just the opposite.
I prefer giving love as opposed to receiving.

Realizing this, I know i have changed.

If only she could see what she is losing and understand that no one knowing what i know
would be as easy to love and love her as much as me under our circumstances.....

I just want to fun back. The drama is too much. The hormones are raging. I hope that
there is hope with us only i feel that our son..... Connor.... is going to suffer the most....
Only i know... it will not be my fault.

I will be the great father i always wanted to be.

I will be what she always wanted
or always wants.

I am ready now for fatherhood in my thirties unlike my twenties.

I consider her kids my kids and our son, lucky to have two great parents.

Even if..........

gawd that pic is Hawt...umm..Ill go back now and read ....

Well I read it..It is full of emotion.

Oh Sweet ((( J )))) Heart tugging...

Love & Light

Tells a story that is both happy with anticipation and heartbreaking.

Heartfelt- our longings and wishes sometimes surprise us with the dreams we envision....nice J.

I have Mick Jagger's voice in my head now ... "You can't always get what you want ... you can't always get what you want .... but if you try sometimes ... you just might find ... you get what you need"


yeah ... sometimes I just wanna smack him...


Feeling you on this one ...