I finally decided to upload youtube videos about issues I'd like to discuss. Any ideas would be appreciated.

I'm trying to fix the static sound in the mic..but I just got this laptop and I'm clueless. Any help?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOV8uK356yc

Thanks everyone :)

hi
i have been in 2 abusive relationships
what actually are you wanting to know

I just want people to see that they deserve better. Help make it easier for someone to get away from that situation. I have a close friend who's in a very abusive relationship ( I just found out today) and I want to try and encourage people to find help.

What made you stay in those relationships if you don't mind me asking.

the first one was when my daughter was 2yrs old
i had been with this guy for about 4months
he was a big time mamma boy and we always argued mainly about money
and this one day i was babysitting my nephew and my sister brought me back home. and i went in and i had my daughter sitting at the table for i fix her something to eat.
and i went into the bedroom and we got into the argument again
he got up and he went and got his mommy
i had gotten on the phone with my sister to talk to her and while i was on the phone, the bf at the time came back with his mom and he came in with a dang knife and his mom just stood there did nothing and i was yelling on the phone with my sister. my sister called my my mom, and my mom bf called the police and im not sure how my dad got involved i think my sister called him. and i moved out that day.
he never hit me which was good... and i didnt go back to him..

and the other was this guy i had only was with a week. he wouldnt even leave my side. he was very controling and emotionally and physically abusive.
he had to go to court which i wasent sure of why. and when i went with him the judge said something about assult and battery and there was a restraining order on him. later i had ask him what was with the assult and batery and he said oh my po just mad at me... yea right.. well any how he flip out on me later and accused me on cheating.. but how was i able which i wouldnt had sense he wouldnt leave my side.
he threaten to give me a black eye which he never did but he hit me in the mouth..
i finally told him i needed a asprin for i had a headach and he let me leave. i didnt go far i went to my neighbor and she knew right then something was wrong she had her daughter call the police and he arrested shortly after.
i eventually track down his ex gf as to find out he accused her as well on cheating out of the 4yrs and he also abused her.as to find out he cheated on her. and to learn he was on drugs. the girl he cheated with, he got her into drugs where he hit her but she didnt press charges, but the 2nd time he hit her the hospitol pressed charges as he had hit her with a tire iron..
when i had him arrested.. he actually tried calling me collect that nite... and no i didnt accept any calls from him
and a few yrs back i got a letter from the da on him. and i called to find out why. as to learn he assult a 62yr old lady
i havent heard any more and i really dont care.

i was in a 3yr relationship where the guy was emotionally abusive.. he had a great heart and i broke up with him 4 differnt times thinking he would change..the reason as why he was that way was because his step dad and his mom were the same way...
(he died a little over 3yrs ago)
i still talk to him mom every now and then to see how she doing
i have a mp3 song that he made for me and every now and then i will listen to it so i can hear his voice... the week he died i sware i played that song about 50times.

I was in a 1 abusive and 1 neglectful relationship..
reason I stayed was fear of embarrassment,and failure, also my girl was a baby at the time of the abusive one it was her dad,i was scared to let him have custody at all, My fears were well founded, I waited til she was about 6 before i left him, then fought 4 full custody the next 4 years til she was ten.. So many times i wish I would have had the courage to just run away, Wanted to go to Alabama to find a long lost love/friend, was willing to do anything to get away. But I was so afraid that i would not make ends meet for us, If it was just me it would not have mattered, But I did not want to take the chance of letting her go hungry or worse..Shes almost 15teen now.. And does wish I would have ran away..

That's intense. I'm glad you were able to walk away from those situations.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I won't put it all out there, however I was in one. I only stayed because I thought with 3 kids I couldn't do it on my own and because I did truly love him. It was awful and I have been single for 10 years because of it.

People DO learn to go on with their life, but it's what they choose to do afterwards that matters.

What makes them stay is a combination of low self esteem, fear and wanting to believe the men or women love them still.

They have to make the move to leave and will usually return a couple of times before they will realize the kind of love this man or woman is offering is not a healthy one.

I understand that. I'm glad you're out of that situation.

Very true. When kids are involved or financial dependence play roles in this situation it is harder.

The reason women stay are varied

but

they can only help themselves there really is not much you can do

you can scream but the abused woman can only walk away on her ownaccord

just be there for her when she does!

That's very true. No all I've done in situations like this before is listen and be supportive of them. I want them to know they aren't alone.

thanks :)

even if there were kids why stay in a relationship if your not happy or even if there is a issue with emotional,physicaly abusive there is no point on staying.you can find a way out

my daughter was with her kids dad on and off for 10yrs before they even got married and when they finally did. his own mom stated she would give them a yr and she was right. they split up right before there 1st annerversary.. and he was abusive towards my daughter.
she saw something that we didnt

and she got into a lesbian relationship last yr
and everyone incudling her friends saw the abuse. my daughter didnt listen. and in every readinbg i gave my daughter it showed abuse, brake ups and she took my grandkids and moved over to tinian with her partner(now ex0 and right before they were leaving i told her i would see her in 6months she laughed about it... i was right my daughter and her ex partner broke up and they were back home in the 6months i had said

Because some women can't leave. Not everyone is the same. They may feel they can't or don't know how to. They may also want to work things out or don't want to lose "love". Some think it'll get better.

You seem to be pretty logical and educated in this Xkon. I am very impressed. Not a thing you have said I would disagree with. You got my vote 100%!

Thank you =] I'm hoping to focus on this area in sociology. It means a lot :)

Ahhh...Now it really DOES make sense. I like it

For some of us, you're more afraid of what he will do if you leave and he finds you than you are of staying and knowing what to expect.

I saw during the world cup a man, a soccer player, run for a ball that he was clearly not able to catch. There was nobody around him to challenge, the ball was long, and he still continued to run until the ball reached the side line.

I think women and men stay in abusive relationships for exactly this very same reason.

The ball was long, and the player ran. He realized it would be foolish to chase the ball. But unfortunately for him he stepped two steps too many in his run. If he had stopped two steps ahead, nobody would have noticed anything, it would be a natural course of action. But those extra two steps were over the limit of what anyone who knows the game would deem worth running. The extra two steps committed the man to run all the other extra steps afterward.

He realized that the extra two steps made him look foolish. He had to decide to look foolish by stopping after two extra steps, or to look foolish by running for a long distance for the ball he clearly could not catch.

He had to make a decision under pressure. 120,000 people in the stadium had their eyes on him, and another 200,000,000 people watched him on TV. He knew that.

He had to run the course after four steps. He would have really looked like a goof if he stopped after four extra and too many steps.

Two made him a fool. Four did not increase his degree of foolishness if he kept on running, but it would have increase his degree of foolishness if he stopped beyond the fourth step.

So that's why men and women continue in relationships, in marriages, sometimes. The families' eyes are on them. The parents told them not to go into that marriage. They defied their advice givers, and married the loved one nevertheless.

Two years into the marriage, it already looked like a long ball. Two and a half years into the marriage everybody in their circles knew about the longball, i.e., that the marriage is foolish to continue. There were no challengers: the family would have sided with him or her, and the partner was ready to kick the marriage bucket, like a bucket of piss. The partner was no more happy there than the victim.

There is pride, however. True, there is also love; then there are the kids, there is the house, there is the life insurance, there is the car payment.

But mainly there is the sense of foolishness they fear they would have to endure by the communal mind of the parents, siblings, co-workers, church members, if they divorced.

By the time these unfortunate souls divorce, their minds are numbed, pride and disgrace is the least of their worries, and they need a very long time, sometimes decades, to recuperate from the experience. Sometimes full recovery very sadly is never achieved.

Your friend needs to get out NOW!!!!!!!!! It will never end, regardless of what the man says. I have seen it and grown up with it. Tell her to get out now regardless of how difficult it may be. If she has to live with someone like a family member, friend or even co worker, she will not regret putting an end to it.

Sorry to hear.