Ok, let's say your are alone and let's say you've been alone for several months...maybe years. So let's throw in some dates here and there, and then also meet up with friends, but mostly you are just living your own life, you got everything arranged around you for your liking and so on.

Wake up in the morning..brush your teeth, go to work, come back home and you have this "rythm" formed, that changes only a few times, family visits or you go somewhere, but basically it all falls in place.

Now imagine you start to talk to someone and then start meeting, and you start to neglect certain things, because now she is kicking up the "order".

Ok, so not too bad so far, but now you start seeing her, then she shows up at your place and for a while it's all ok.

But then she starts telling you what she doesn't like and how to change things..start rearranging things that were perfectly fine for you and now she starts complaining about things you do (or don't do) and now you feel like you are being "told" to stop this or start that and do this and do that.

And now things just arent' the way you like it and you suppose to "adjust things" you don't want to adjust, and if you won't then she will give you an attitude to make you feel bad how the way you have done things for years are now suddenly no good.

Or now, you can't even rent your favorite war movies, because she will say "you always watch these crap and not what I like " or " you always eat this and never that" and so on.

Eventually now you are just fighting to get a smile out of her, try to figure out what have you done wrong again when she gives the sour face about something or for the question "Honey what's wrong?" she says "nothing" so now you supposed to feel guilty about something that you don't eve know about.

Now....you actually just WISH she would go somewhere, whatever..store or find something interesting to do so you are not "required" to be hanging in her neck, otherwise she's gonna say, "looks like you love this ____________ (fill in anything you like) more than love me."

At evenings you begin to wonder if she actually wants to sleep with you anymore, so you try to figure out if she is angry or moody or maybe you have done something bad again you don't know about...should you touch her or just leave her alone or what?

The more it goes on..the more you feel like you are "serving" someone and even room you really liked and lived happily for years as a single - you can't even recognize it- you might even hate it now, and all things you liked , you have a given temporary time to do , "what is allowed" without getting her all moody and start asking again if you actually love her or not and regardless what you say, get ready for a 100 explanations for the whys but at the end you just can't win anyway.


Now you end up yearning for the time being single, you didn't have to worry about all this , everything made sense to you and you did all the stuff you liked and never had to worry about someone else telling you if it's good or bad. But now you can't get out, because you got feelings for her and you like her and you gonna be hurt and you know it...it was better when you had nobody and while it can be depressing time to time, it was temporary and it doesn't have such consequences such as your room rearranged or watching movies you don't like but you must and doing various things that just doesn't make sense.

So now...what did you get out of the whole romance thing?
1. You have a woman around who perhaps likes to clean so sometimes it's not you who empties the trashcan
2. A Woman touching, kissing and sometimes even sex when she has the mood.
3. If she cooks, it's a plus..but if not, then it's nothing.

So all that..just because you didn't want to stay single and you wanted sex more often and someone kissing you sometimes..you gave up all the pluses and extras, and she turned your world upside down.

This is pretty much my whole life up there.."being in a relationship"...every single one of them ended up like that.

Hi

I didn't read any of that, it's WAY too long

Wow - I guess you just haven't met the right kind of woman yet. I know my ex of 10 years would tell you in a heartbeat that I never dictated to him what he could or couldn't do. I'm not saying I was perfect in the relationship - I mean we did break up - but it wasn't because we kept each other from being individuals. I hope you find someone who understands and accepts who you are as a person.

well, maybe tomorrow. Come on Myka..it's a good read, gives an insight about what goes through my mind when I get close enough to get into a relationship with someone. It kinda plays off in my mind like a movie film and I slowly start taking backing out.

In every good relationship you both have to sacrifice a little even if its just renting a movie or cooking a meal you both like or each having things in your home that might not be to the others taste.

Its all about sharing a life together.Although it is still important to each have your own interests away from each other or you will end up suffocating each other.

However if you are feeling the relationship is all one sided and the bad stuff is outweighing the good then they are not the right person for you.

When you find her you wont care about her bad taste in ornaments or the fact she makes terrible lasagne and you won't need to question wether she wants to sleep with you at night...You will just know you WANT to be together.

Please don't let past experience make you feel all relationships are like the ones you have had or you will carry that negativity into any new ones.

I wish you the best of luck

Man, how depressing. Dating is one thing. Keep it light and hold yourself back...a lot...a whole lot. But real love is accepting and it sets you free. You don't mind the small adjustments because they are small and because you care so much for each other you don't even realize you're adjusting. The type of person you just described didn't make you happy and obviously you didn't make her happy. You were wrong for each other from the start. Cut it loose. Find someone who will let you be you and you can let her be her. Find common ground. It's not all bad out there...just remember to hold back and wait for the one who is right for you.
Leah

Well, except for the sex part you've basically described my dating/relationships.
So I suppose it works both ways. I yielded to the guys I was dating and basically got nothing in return except loss of Self and debts.

And yes, I ask al the time if its worth it. I still haven't gotten a decent answer.

I read these comments, seems an old story to me.

You decided to settle, NO ONE can do anything to you, short of killing, with out YOU allowing it.

Don't like the company YOU keep, change it.

Otherwise, live with your decisions & quit complaining.

Just how I see life.

You've either not found the right gal (which sounds accurate in this case) or you're just one of those "grass is greener" type of dudes. Possibly both.

You have your happy content life with your routine. No matter who you throw into the mix, it's not just you anymore and things are disrupted. When you find the perfect person, the disruption will not be a negative thing. Of course you'll always have to compromise on certain issues, and sometimes you'll have to do some things or watch some movies you don't particularly want to do or watch, but that goes for both people. Maybe once in awhile you'll have to waste two hours of your life watching some piece of garbage Secrets of the Ya-Ya Traveling Pants crap. But at least you're hanging out with someone who you respect and love. She should do the same for you, or go do something on her own and let you enjoy things you've always been into.

Being in a relationship isn't about changing that person. I am aware that some women try to do this.

For me, I'm in a relationship with someone because I love who he is and I love everything about him. If he wants to play video games or do something I'm not into for awhile, cool. There are a million things I like to do that he's not into.

This hits the nail on the head for me. It really isn't, and never has been, worth the effort.

I've been in a lot of relationships and the pattern has been the same in all but one. They start out telling me what they think I want to hear; and once the relationship is "established" in their minds, which usually takes about 90 days, their agenda suddenly changes and they start trying to turn me into someone else.

Since I can make a reasonable assumption that the next one is going to do the same thing, there's a sort of inherent reluctance on my part to bother with going through the preliminaries, going through the motions, anymore, just to get to the point where Day 90 kicks in, she says "I've been thinking, wouldn't it be great to settle down and start a family?" and I shake my head, look at my watch, and say, "Oh yeah, right, that's TODAY."

Being alone is not the ideal situation for me. But being with someone and WISHING I was alone is worse.

In the end? More trouble than it's worth.

If someone actually feels about being in a relationship the way you do, give or take 1/2 the stuff you say happens in yours (I've never had most of the problems you wrote in your diatribe )

Then I would say you should stay single. Seems you do not enjoy sharing your life, your world yada yada.

Honestly Atlantis, I don't mean to criticize but you don't seem happy with dating or relationships from any of your threads.


Perhaps you really should just enjoy your freedom?? End of story.

When and if you meet the one that doesn't make you feel like you're compromising yourself, then it will definitely be worth the effort. If you give up, though, that will never happen. I still believe there's someone out there that will add to my joy and happiness (and I hers), rather than take away from it.

I agree with the above post meeting someone where you don't feel you are compromising yourself.

Can be a vicious circle. I've known many relationships that have turned out to be just as you described, Atlantis. I think it's just a matter of, yet again, not being with the right person. For whatever reason, your lives don't mix well. That's what the process is all about -- getting to know each other well enough to see if you mesh. It's a process with no guarantees.

Damn computer!

The worst is when they misrepresent themselves at the beginning and then, all of a sudden you're in the relationship with someone who isn't what they told you they were. The truth always comes out -- why can't they realize that?

What's bad about it is I just can't understand why people aren't honest about what they're looking for to begin with....?

So they pretend to be on the same page with me in the beginning, and as soon as they think they've got me hooked, it's time to change me....!

But there are certain things that are NOT going to change. If I could just meet someone who knew that and accepted it from Day One, then maybe THAT would the one who was worth it.

Unfortunately, I think those people are now extinct....

Well I don't think I've really avoided it as much as I like my space and make sure to keep it .. guess my relationships are a bit different in that sense. I believe in compromise between 2 people also, so I never let someone take over my world.

Make no mistake .. they can ROCK it, just not RULE it

Also, no one would be allowed to come in and change everything in my world, my home .. yada yada because I don't live with a guy unless he puts a ring on my finger and that's only happened once Course maybe Atlantis isn't referring to living with/just having over all the time?

I honestly can not imagine someone doing this "take control" thing, and I certainly would not presume to do it to my guy either. I respect people's parameters. But if it's 'cool' sharing is then appreciated not annoying. IMHO


I do appreciate you stating how you & others DO relate .. that's cool. Maybe I'm the anomaly not Atlantis?



Wouldn't be the first time