that people change and it is okay for them to change over time. Is it
dangerous to yourself to believe that you can have a life long relationship with someone who is suppose to change over time?

I believe that the hope for us all is that we each change but it is still complimentary to our partners.

What do you think?

my parents did it for about 50 years...

They are the exception but congrats to them.

In my marraige, we changed but that was after moving west, and it wasn't for the better. After we divorced tho, we both became very introspective and changed again, both for the better.

Everybody changes over time, relationship or not. Anyone who is afraid of changes or changes in her or his partner should not get into any relationship at all.

I agree.

Baring some sort of traumatic incident happening in your life, and even then, I don't think most people change that much over time. I believe your core, your true self, stays mostly as it was formed in your early years. You may tweek a thing or two here or there, experiment, try something different for the sake of change, but your core remains.

I've never been married but I've had several 5+ year relationships and in my experience, my partners core self did not change. However, we grew apart and our relationship with each other changed over time.

That's one of the reason I don't think it's a good idea for people to get married before they are 30. You change A LOT before that.

Yes, hopefully we continue to grow and change for the better. If someone changes for the worse, then it may be that you have to end the relationship. For instance if they develop a drinking problem or gambling or some other destructive habit.

But, most people, hopefully, change for the better. We mellow with age.

Wow, it's almost like a copied you motown.

WHEN this model is HEALTHY it seemingly takes profound attraction (on many levels) and an incredible love, faith, dedication, communication, tolerance, flexibility, perspiration and connection ...


I've no doubts it was not necessarily easy, certainly not just 'luck' either ... They believe in it and make it happen!


The unhealthy models of this are founded in fear, apathy, complacency, settling and denial ...



Edit: typos ...

I disagree halfway

I believe that life events change us, even the small ones.

I believe that we believe we are the same.

When I think back to my younger years and how I am now, I can see change.

It is hard for us to see ourselves objectively so I figure if I can see some change there must be more that I cannot see.

I also feel that men are more likely not to change than women, I could be wrong but it seems that way to me.

So for you what you said is probably more true.

Have I confused you yet? I think I am....lol

That without change there is no growth.....without acceptance, tolerance and no expectations, there is no lifelong relationship.

I agree.

If the change requires the relationship to end, we outgrow each other or whatever. Acceptance is definitely necessary.

Change isn't always bad.

Change can be wonderful...
Change can be horrible...

No expectations. No promises.
It's hard work, every single day - but the rewards are great.

Just my 2 cents.

This is why Man invented pre-nups.

As I said, we may tweek a thing or two here or there, but our core structure, our base course, our compass, who we really are doesn't change. Even looking at change itself. Some are, and have always been, open to it, even embrace it, while others will resist any kind of change, even if circumstances force it upon them. Some people have addictive personalities, to what doesn't matter. They may even change addictions but they still are addictive. Some have a need to dominate or submit. Again over what or to what may change over time but the core remains. Even how we handle trauma. Some folks are stoic, others panic.

My dads parents just had their 50th anniversary not that long ago and and my moms parents have had their ups and downs (he is an alcoholic)and yet they are still going strong.

Everyone changes as time goes on and it's just a fact of life. Some people just have a hard time accepting change. There is always going to be something or someone that has an impact on us.

It's not dangerous to think you can stay with one during changes. Were here to evolve and grow, I wouldn't want to be with one who isn't 'changing' to some degree..

When the core values shift is when the then problems start...feel.

Even after changes, were all 'more or 'less' still who we are.