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Topic: How to handle my GAY friend?
SnazzyGeek Joined Tue 07/13/10 Posts: 35	Wed 07/14/10 11:28 AM
Hi I am guessing this is the right section for this, but feel free to move my topic if not. Ok here is the issue I have a friend who is gay. We just recently became friends, and I think he is cool, nice and I like him, except for the part of being gay. Which I think it is his own business, and I have always kept my thoughts about gays to myself. However, I believe it is my right also to not want be hit on by another man. At the same time he is my friend and I wanna be nice to him, but don't want to give him any hopes (I only knew he is gay recently). Worst part now we were chosen to work on a project together. This require us to meet a lot. Since I came to the US I have worked with gay people on the same projects and our life was great. We had good time, they kept their gayness to themselves, and I kept my thoughts about it to myself, but this person is single. I need your help guys. Shall I confront him and tell him that I want to be friend with him, but I hate to be hit on by a man? Or shall I just ignore what he his tries? Or I am making big deal of it?

OKCUTIE67 Joined Fri 04/02/10 Posts: 2118	Wed 07/14/10 11:34 AM
I would just lay it out there for him. Tell him you appreciate that you and he are friends but that is all you are interested in. That you are not interested in any other type of relationship and he shouldn't waste his time hitting on you. If he can't keep it strictly platonic, then perhaps he should excuse himself from the project you are working on together? This is just my opinion and I tend to be pretty honest and blunt so....

Goofball73 Joined Mon 11/05/07 Posts: 33913	Wed 07/14/10 11:34 AM
I think you are making a big deal out of it. Gay men will know if you are gay. Be yourself, work on the project, be a friend to him or just be able to work with the dude because both of you have to. Don't over think it.

Gossipmpm Joined Tue 03/03/09 Posts: 19414	Wed 07/14/10 11:38 AM
Damn it's 2010 if he hits on ya. Ya just tell him your not gay! It's that simple! Ya talk about gay men like they are different than other men they are not believe me he's not gonna attack you in some lust frenzy

FearandLoathing Joined Fri 12/28/07 Posts: 30121	Wed 07/14/10 11:40 AM
he's not gonna attack you in some lust frenzy No, but he might spoon your eyes out with a spork.

Totage Joined Sat 10/13/07 Posts: 24210	Wed 07/14/10 11:44 AM
Hi I am guessing this is the right section for this, but feel free to move my topic if not. Ok here is the issue I have a friend who is gay. We just recently became friends, and I think he is cool, nice and I like him, except for the part of being gay. Which I think it is his own business, and I have always kept my thoughts about gays to myself. However, I believe it is my right also to not want be hit on by another man. At the same time he is my friend and I wanna be nice to him, but don't want to give him any hopes (I only knew he is gay recently). Worst part now we were chosen to work on a project together. This require us to meet a lot. Since I came to the US I have worked with gay people on the same projects and our life was great. We had good time, they kept their gayness to themselves, and I kept my thoughts about it to myself, but this person is single. I need your help guys. Shall I confront him and tell him that I want to be friend with him, but I hate to be hit on by a man? Or shall I just ignore what he his tries? Or I am making big deal of it? I have gay friends and have even went to gay bars went them. They know I'm straight, and there has never been any problems.

FearandLoathing Joined Fri 12/28/07 Posts: 30121	Wed 07/14/10 11:49 AM
Hi I am guessing this is the right section for this, but feel free to move my topic if not. Ok here is the issue I have a friend who is gay. We just recently became friends, and I think he is cool, nice and I like him, except for the part of being gay. Which I think it is his own business, and I have always kept my thoughts about gays to myself. However, I believe it is my right also to not want be hit on by another man. At the same time he is my friend and I wanna be nice to him, but don't want to give him any hopes (I only knew he is gay recently). Worst part now we were chosen to work on a project together. This require us to meet a lot. Since I came to the US I have worked with gay people on the same projects and our life was great. We had good time, they kept their gayness to themselves, and I kept my thoughts about it to myself, but this person is single. I need your help guys. Shall I confront him and tell him that I want to be friend with him, but I hate to be hit on by a man? Or shall I just ignore what he his tries? Or I am making big deal of it? I have gay friends and have even went to gay bars went them. They know I'm straight, and there has never been any problems. Gay bars play the best music.

mightymoe Joined Sun 11/19/06 Posts: 37362	Wed 07/14/10 11:50 AM
tell him how you feel... if he's not friends with you after that, then he just wanted you booty anyway. just because he's gay, does not mean you don't have a right not to be gay.

Totage Joined Sat 10/13/07 Posts: 24210	Wed 07/14/10 11:53 AM
Hi I am guessing this is the right section for this, but feel free to move my topic if not. Ok here is the issue I have a friend who is gay. We just recently became friends, and I think he is cool, nice and I like him, except for the part of being gay. Which I think it is his own business, and I have always kept my thoughts about gays to myself. However, I believe it is my right also to not want be hit on by another man. At the same time he is my friend and I wanna be nice to him, but don't want to give him any hopes (I only knew he is gay recently). Worst part now we were chosen to work on a project together. This require us to meet a lot. Since I came to the US I have worked with gay people on the same projects and our life was great. We had good time, they kept their gayness to themselves, and I kept my thoughts about it to myself, but this person is single. I need your help guys. Shall I confront him and tell him that I want to be friend with him, but I hate to be hit on by a man? Or shall I just ignore what he his tries? Or I am making big deal of it? I have gay friends and have even went to gay bars went them. They know I'm straight, and there has never been any problems. Gay bars play the best music. I don't usually pay attention to the music, I just try not to drop any quarters when playing pool. J/K

mightymoe Joined Sun 11/19/06 Posts: 37362	Wed 07/14/10 11:56 AM
Hi I am guessing this is the right section for this, but feel free to move my topic if not. Ok here is the issue I have a friend who is gay. We just recently became friends, and I think he is cool, nice and I like him, except for the part of being gay. Which I think it is his own business, and I have always kept my thoughts about gays to myself. However, I believe it is my right also to not want be hit on by another man. At the same time he is my friend and I wanna be nice to him, but don't want to give him any hopes (I only knew he is gay recently). Worst part now we were chosen to work on a project together. This require us to meet a lot. Since I came to the US I have worked with gay people on the same projects and our life was great. We had good time, they kept their gayness to themselves, and I kept my thoughts about it to myself, but this person is single. I need your help guys. Shall I confront him and tell him that I want to be friend with him, but I hate to be hit on by a man? Or shall I just ignore what he his tries? Or I am making big deal of it? I have gay friends and have even went to gay bars went them. They know I'm straight, and there has never been any problems. Gay bars play the best music. I don't usually pay attention to the music, I just try not to drop any quarters when playing pool. J/K i just stay out of gay bars and i won't have to worry about it... i have noooo business in there whatsoever.

horzman Joined Tue 05/04/10 Posts: 263	Wed 07/14/10 12:04 PM
I had the same problem few years before I got married, I felt I was being hit on, but I wasn't sure, so when we’re in a public place, If I see a beautiful girl, I would admire her beauty out loud or even try to get that girl’s phone number…. After a while, being around him didn’t bother me or make me alert, maybe because he stopped hitting on me, or maybe he wasn’t hitting on me to begin with, I was just being insecure about it. I think first you need to distinguish the difference between him hitting on you and just being friendly. Because is it a sensitive issue, sometimes a friendly gesture could be taken the wrong way… so he may not even be hitting on you.

pmarco41 Joined Wed 04/30/08 Posts: 2163	Wed 07/14/10 12:06 PM
... However, I believe it is my right also to not want be hit on by another man. At the same time he is my friend and I wanna be nice to him, but don't want to give him any hopes (I only knew he is gay recently). ... I need your help guys. Shall I confront him and tell him that I want to be friend with him, but I hate to be hit on by a man? Or shall I just ignore what he his tries? Or I am making big deal of it? hahha...sounds like something I heard from a female friend who had a male friend/coworker...

Shasta1 Joined Wed 09/09/09 Posts: 3308	Wed 07/14/10 12:15 PM
When I was younger, I had a friend who was gay, but this was in Florida and so they kept it pretty quiet (lat 70's). Her girlfirend kept hitting on me and finally i just said, I respect you, please respect me. They left me alone in that aspect and we stayed friends.

Thorb Joined Mon 06/28/10 Posts: 505	Wed 07/14/10 12:25 PM
... However, I believe it is my right also to not want be hit on by another man. At the same time he is my friend and I wanna be nice to him, but don't want to give him any hopes (I only knew he is gay recently). ... I need your help guys. Shall I confront him and tell him that I want to be friend with him, but I hate to be hit on by a man? Or shall I just ignore what he his tries? Or I am making big deal of it? hahha...sounds like something I heard from a female friend who had a male friend/coworker... lol ... so true ... in the workplace ... relationships and hitting on eachother are not good for business. Gay or Straight or Perverted ... no matter. also ... if you are confident with your sexuality then he will know and will not hit on you because he will know it would be a waste of time and may jepordise employment and friendship

SnazzyGeek Joined Tue 07/13/10 Posts: 35	Wed 07/14/10 12:50 PM
Thank you everyone I think most of it is the cultural differences and I was not sure how you in the US handle this situation. Where I come from we don't even consider it and I was afraid he might misunderstood me because I had no idea he was gay otherwise I would have been more careful. Anyways, I thought to ask before I act =]