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| Topic: Hypothetical Question. | |
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Let's say there is a guy...
This guy was with the same woman for 11+ years, but never got married. The couple had a child together. The couple split up...woman took child with her. Due to no marriage...there was no divorce. No divorce, no court order for custody or visitation. Woman leaves the state with another man. Woman hides whereabouts from child's father. 8 years pass. Father has looked for child without success. _________________________________________________________________ So...after 8 years....this father has to make a choice. Does he.. 1) Continue to actively seek his child ( who has recently turned 18 and is on the way to college ) and disrupt the life the child is used to. or 2) Just let sleeping dogs lie and hope that the child will eventually try to contact him. |
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Let's say there is a guy... This guy was with the same woman for 11+ years, but never got married. The couple had a child together. The couple split up...woman took child with her. Due to no marriage...there was no divorce. No divorce, no court order for custody or visitation. Woman leaves the state with another man. Woman hides whereabouts from child's father. 8 years pass. Father has looked for child without success. _________________________________________________________________ So...after 8 years....this father has to make a choice. Does he.. 1) Continue to actively seek his child ( who has recently turned 18 and is on the way to college ) and disrupt the life the child is used to. or 2) Just let sleeping dogs lie and hope that the child will eventually try to contact him. kudos for trying. i say let her come to you. but if you want to look for her, i wouldn't bother her during school semesters. . . . |
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If I were the child I would want to know him....the child is a grown up
now. It may take the child off guard for a minute but the truth always needs to come out and father and child deserve to know each other. jmo |
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**** no! He would have every right to move foreword with his search and I'm sure the kid would be just as glad to know what actually happened to it's dad.
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i guess i see things differently.
i grew up without a father and never knew my biological father, and never wanted to. . . . |
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I would not have let 8 yrs PASS that's COLD!
 But what can you do? 
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I would not have let 8 yrs PASS that's COLD! But what can you do?
It's not like ( hypothetically speaking ) the guy actually had a CHOICE in the matter. |
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I would not have let 8 yrs PASS that's COLD! But what can you do?
It's not like ( hypothetically speaking ) the guy actually had a CHOICE in the matter.
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Did ya miss THIS part???
Father has looked for child without success.
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Did ya miss THIS part??? Father has looked for child without success.
[/quote NOPE I did NOT miss that.......... |
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Then what, exactly, gave you the impression it was HIS choice to " let " 8 years pass???
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I say do what's in your heart, but you gotta keep living. Sadly, if and when you do find her, she or the mom could then come after you for all those years of child support.
There is no easy answer. Kudos to this hypothetical man for all the years of looking and caring. If it were my kid and the ex took him, I would never stop looking. She was probably told so many lies if taken at the age she was, and she has the right to know the truth. Best of luck. |
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I lived a very similar scenario, only the saga lasted 15 years. Eventually, she sought me out, and we've had a very close father-daughter relationship now for the last 2 years.
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Keep looking !Nothing more needs to be said !
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**** no! He would have every right to move foreword with his search and I'm sure the kid would be just as glad to know what actually happened to it's dad. I agree. What if the child doesn't know anything about his father. What if he was told this other man was his child. |
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From personally experience, I would want to know my dads side of the story.........I have yet to hear it and I am 30 yrs old.
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My dad took off when I was five, and I didn't see him again until 11 years later, six months before he died. I used that six months the best I could and will still like a couple more days.
That's my experience along those lines, I don't know if it helps, but I hope you get something out of it. |
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The " hypothetical " is no longer.
Most of you may have guessed that I was referring to my own situation. Well...last night, I found my daughter after searching Facebook with no luck. I typed in a couple of other things, and found her MySpace profile. My girl friend thought that maybe it wouldn't be such a shock to be contacted by another woman rather than just have me suddenly pop up out of nowhere. So she messaged my daughter letting her know that I had been looking for her. My daughter replied to her tonight and after some questions and answers to prove that I am who I was telling her I am ( VERY smart woman ) I wound up talking to her for close to two hours through the IM feature on MySpace. The thing that I feared most was that she would want nothing to do with me. But it turns out that she had been wanting to contact me somehow, but wasn't sure if I would want her to because of the things she had been told over the last 8 years. This is, without a doubt, one of the best days of my entire life. 
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I think you must find her. Never mind that 8 years pass, maybe she'll forgive you and understand, maybe not, but you must to try. It's my opinion.
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Edited by
Mishlen
on
Fri 06/25/10 01:07 AM
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Good luck to you!!!
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