So, I've got a dilemma. I've always been dependant upon the men in my life. Married young, had babies, divorced young, married again, divorced and dependant upon the boyfriend. I've had jobs, but never had to support myself.

Well, I'm in a situation where I need to grow up, get a "real job" in a market where jobs are scarce and to top it off, I need to help my daughter (17) her husband (18) and baby survive. The housing situation that was promised us fell through, and so we are scrambling to get that taken care of. I was offered a job (YAY!! I am happy about it!) but it doesn't pay a whole lot.

My mom just called. She offered to let me come live with her while I get on my feet. Downside? Her home is 1) not big enough for all of us to show up to and 2) over 2000 miles from where we are right now. I know that if I go there, I can get into school (which was the plan until these plans blew up!) and probably not really have to worry about money/roof over my head/food on the table until I get on my feet.

How do I abandon my child again? They could go live with his mom, but that situation is toxic! His mom has medical issues, and is a chain smoker. The baby was born a wee bit premature, and the smoke in the house would NOT be good for her.

What would you do? Leave your child to fend for herself? Risk damaging that relationship for maybe a better life for *yourself* or stick it out, hoping things get better where you are?

(I must be crazy to be posting this here, but some unbiased opinions would be helpful. My best friend wants me to stay here, but she doesn't want me to leave again after being away for 2 years!)

Wow! You are in a tough situation. I understand your feelings for your daughter. You don't feel like you can bail on her due to the child. Do her or her husband have job(s)? Maybe you can help them get established for a while, I don't know, 6 months to a year and then, you can move into your Mother's house? Somebody has to work and you have to start building a life for yourself. It is so hard to be alone. I got divorced 3 years ago and had a lousy, blood-sucking boyfriend that I finally got rid of after a year. Just looking around for something better now. Good luck!

Becky

Take the job. Have your adult child and her husband take any jobs they can get. Find the cheapest place the four of you can find to live in. Work it out. In order to better your situation all of you need to get as much education as you can fit in. It's not going to be easy but it can be done. You can't live the rest of your life mooching off of others. That will lead nowhere.