Okay.... how do [us] single parents date and have relationships?

Dating and particularly relationship seems to have many more complications and issues then when we didn't have children involved.

(First, let me preface that my son has ADHD which has it's own set of issues on top of this.)

So, last night, I and my son went with my boyfriend to a friend of the family's house. (From my prespective) Owen (my son) was good (for it being Owen). Until we went to leave and he ran into the road with a car coming. (which he has never done before and personally make me really upset and I severely scolded my son in front of my boyfriend and his friend).

When we got home after I finally got Owen into bed, my boyfriend and I had a discussion (which of course) I got upset about.

My boyfriend was upset by Owen's behavior. Stating that he didn't behave and that he wouldn't take him anywhere anymore. (which most likely was a blanket statement, and wouldn't be a forever thing).

However, this upsets me, not because I disagree with the concept, but because I feel like it punishes me. I am almost always with my son, just part of being a single parent. When my son is not in school or in the rare cases that he is at someone elses house, my son is always with him.

The other dilemna is that my boyfriend is use to being a single guy, where he can decide to go and do what he pleases when he pleases. I have had about 7 years to adjust to not having 'freedom'; do having to plan my life and have flexiblity to my son.

My boyfriend is understanding that being a single parent isn't easy. And is trying to understand that Owen's behavior isn't going to be perfect. However, he still compares Owen's behavior to other children (most of whom have both parents).

However, part of this that I personally take responsiblity or feel like I am at fault or a failure for my child not being perfect. I don't think that he doesn't understand that my son is me, is part of me, is connected to me.... I don't think that he understands my bond with my son. Which will be there for life, granted not was strongly as my son ages.


My friend Jeff is a single parent and is in a relationship with a single mother. So just the other day, he called me. He has been venting to me about his difficulties with adjusting to having her and her children living with him. I have told Jeff to give his girlfriend some slack because I can completely relate to her as a single mother and her children's behaviors.


SO.... I would like to hear from other single parents....

What have been your experiences?

Just is just take time and patiences, to adjust to each other?

Have/did you just decide not to date until your children got older?

Nothing with single parenthood is black and white / cut and dry.... so, I would really like to hear from single parents who have had experience balancing their life, responsiblities, and love.

Single parenting and dating is not easy. I have three children, two boys and a girl. My older two are from my ex-husband and they visit him every other weekend. So, I get a break then.....sort of. My youngest son is from my boyfriend, sadly he died in 2007. So, I have my youngest all the time. At times, I let him visit his father's parents. But 99% of the time he is with me.

My oldest son has ADD, just trouble focusing, no behavior problems. My youngest, wild child, has ADHD and ODD, along with behavior problems. He has so much energy/hyper is crazy at times, but he is a sweet, loving little boy.

The thing I find hardest about dating is finding time and someone that understands that you can't stop and drop everything to go out with them. I did date one guy last summer that tried to be a father to my youngest and that did not go over well. After he hit my son, that was it.

Your boyfriend needs to understand ADHD kids compared to kids without it. Maybe give him some information on it, couldn't hurt. Some kids with ADHD are not that bad and then there are those with ADHD that have behavior issues or other issues. My son's doctor said that kids with ADHD can have another issue as well, such as my son having ODD.

Ask him this, what if your child did this.....does that mean he would never take his kid out? You just have to do the best you can with kids like this, it doesn't mean we are bad parents. Plus, they really aren't that bad of kids. Sure mine is hyper, all boy, and always ready to go, go, go. Still, doesn't mean they are bad, just a little different.

Both of my boys are on medicine. Even with the medicine, it doesn't mean they'll be perfect.

If your son only ran out into the street that evening and nothing else, that isn't the end of the world. Granted running out into the street is not good, but still, he is a kid.

It was so hard for me too. I ended up just bagging it for a long time, wasn't worth all the hurt feelings, frustration, discussions. Seems the men always wanted to save me from my sons...letting me know what they think is best for them.

We know are children best, we know what works best for them. I don't think any man should step in and assume the role of daddy and I don't think your parenting should be criticized.
Open to discussion I suppose if their around enough..ultimately we have to go with our mother instinct and do what we want and with my past experiences that never flew smoothly.

It's a tough gig...

I did the same thing. I quit dating for a few years. Have dated some here and there, but seem to attract the worst of the lot. Honestly, I think being single is so much better.

I'm wondering... did you ladies share custody, or did you have sole custody of the kid(s)? I have 50/50 custody of my son, so I just keep the dating activities to the days/weekends I don't have him with me. Admittedly, it's hard to find someone that understands it unless they're a single parent themselves, and then you have to find someone that can match your schedule. I don't want to have to give up on dating altogether, though...

I had sole custody...no one was ever beating the door down to see my boys, they were pretty much abandoned. So I never got the weekends off, evenings out. When I did see one in particular the boys always became an issue...so I gave it up for 10 years. Now their grown up and I can't find anyone

I am a single mom and I actually have one son with ADD and one son with ADHD. My oldest son outgrew the hyperactivity so just ended up with ADD. Is it a struggle in our house? No, not really because I don't let it become a struggle. IF I meet someone and they couldn't handle my children..well, they wouldn't be there long!!
Honestly, I don't have problems with my boys and I never really did..even when they were smaller. I had very strict rules and we have a very strict routine, I think you have to with ADD and ADHD children. If your life is chaotic, then they become very chaotic!! This is why my home is drama-free!! IF I do happen to be with someone, they have to be able to be around my boys and be mellow!! They can not be rushed all the time, we need our house to be relaxed but strict!! There can be NO tension BUT all of the rules have to be followed!!
Right now my boys are 22 and 15 so my life is very easy. I am currently NOT dating because that is what I choose to do. I had cancer in 04 so my issue's have been my health. I have decided NOT to date due to me, NOT my boys.
Honestly IF I had a boyfriend and he actually told me that he refused to take my son anywhere...he would NOT be my boyfriend for long!! I don't want to offend anyone when I say this BUT ADD and ADHD will only make your life crazy IF you let it!!!
Good Luck

My son's father has only been in his life in total of less than 6 months in his 7 years.

I do not have family support... so if I want time off. I have one friend that will take my son without charging me... otherwise, I have to pay to have time off.

Thanks for posting! I thought it would be a lost thread.

I did get some information for my boyfriend from CHADD; he has yet to read it. I probably won't get him to read it until he has a day off of work.

Single and dating, yep difficult to say the least.

My recommendation would be to keep the two lives separate for as long as is possible to ensure that the children will not be hurt every time "it doesn't work out well".

Even though us women start picturing our lives with this new person almost immediately after meeting them, we need to fight the urge to start playing house too soon.


Just a little advice from someone who didn't heed this advice when dating and my children grew attached and then had to let go too many times.

your so right on children getting attached take slow date while the kids are not present if you can i know its hard belive me im still single lol its been 6 yrs sence my divorce and i have full custody of my daughter....steve

I would have to agree a man should not step in and try to take the role of daddy. I am a 23 year old single mom of a 4 year old boy. I have been having problems of men trying to take the role of daddy with my son. I try not to let men come in and out of my son's life but dating is really hard these days. The men around my age group don't really want a relationship with a woman that has kids. It is like they don't want the baggage. The way I look at it is if they don't like the fact I am a single mom they don't have to talk to me. My son always comes first and always will.