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| Topic: Why.... | |
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is that people want to tell you after that fact that you have been cheated on? Why is they can not tell you about the deceit you are living, so you can end it then. And what is the point of upsetting someone after the fact, by finding out they were deceived later? I think if they are disrespectful enough not to tell you while you are together, why rub it in afterwards? I am not attempting to justify someone else's actions here, but... it's a no win situation for the friend... If they tell you while you are "in it" you just may shun the friend in lieu of your "new or current love" If they tell you after the fact, the same can happen... It's a no win for anyone... the person who is really at fault it the cheater... the rest is simply collateral damage... Luck to ya! $.02  I have to agree. If I were your good friend and I knew about the cheating, I'd have a very difficult time telling you for fear of losing your friendship. Many, many times throughout history when the friend tries to intervene they are either "jealous" or accused of not wanting you to be happy. The friendship ends up in quarrel and breaks up. I'd have a hard time telling my friend. If anything, I'd try to prove it over anything else. I am the opposite, this person will not be my friend for not telling me. I would have appreciated my friends honesty more. And if they had told me and I continued anyways, it would have been my fault for staying with the cheater. Just how I feel about it. |
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Oh, this is easy. People suck. Next question....... LOL how are you Krupa? Just being bootyliscious darlin. That's how I roll. Sorry ya got dumped on. Tell you what might help. You and I get hooked up and you can use me like a cheap floozie then dump me. Might make ya feel better. I am always willing to help. |
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Oh, this is easy. People suck. Next question....... LOL how are you Krupa? Just being bootyliscious darlin. That's how I roll. Sorry ya got dumped on. Tell you what might help. You and I get hooked up and you can use me like a cheap floozie then dump me. Might make ya feel better. I am always willing to help. I have had alot of those offers and much closer. If I need to I will call ya. LOL. Men, sigh!! |
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is that people want to tell you after that fact that you have been cheated on? Why is they can not tell you about the deceit you are living, so you can end it then. And what is the point of upsetting someone after the fact, by finding out they were deceived later? I think if they are disrespectful enough not to tell you while you are together, why rub it in afterwards? I am not sutre why people are like that , might ne the "better you then me " syndrome  ?... not sure  .. sorry  .... but its even worse when they tell you , after the fact , that it was them , doin it  ... yup...truly happened
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Well I have lived this from "the friend's" perspective and it was a no win situation for me. I worked with a good friend's husband and while I never had concrete proof of his cheating, I did overhear him and his buddies at work talking about some "piece of a**" he was currently screwing. Note - I was his friend first and she later became a good friend also. My concern here was where my loyalty should lie considering he was my friend first. However, I felt since he was possibly being deceitful and lying to her, not to mention putting her in danger of STD's and who knows what else...I decided I should tell her what I overheard. Well needless to say, as soon as I told her, she confronted him and he of course denied, denied, denied. She basically told me to mind my own business and we never really were able to get back our friendship. In the meantime, he also told me in less friendly terms to mind my own business and also never really got back our original friendship. I later left the company where I worked with him and moved to Oklahoma. I found out several years later that she actually caught him with someone else and threatened to divorce him but never did. They are still together and I probably can guess that he is still cheating. So that's great that you "say" that you would rather your friend tell you while it was going on than after the fact, but I bet if you would ask that same friend of mine, she would have said the same, but then when it actually happens, things can change. I lost two good friends over that and will most likely just "mind my own business" from now on!
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is that people want to tell you after that fact that you have been cheated on? Why is they can not tell you about the deceit you are living, so you can end it then. And what is the point of upsetting someone after the fact, by finding out they were deceived later? I think if they are disrespectful enough not to tell you while you are together, why rub it in afterwards? One word: Ego.  Think about it though, people want to be better than you and everyone else by nature. This, in a way, is one more step above you, they knew and you didn't...they are already ahead of you at this moment. This is generally how people think, which is why, as Krupa put, 'people suck.' |
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Well I have lived this from "the friend's" perspective and it was a no win situation for me. I worked with a good friend's husband and while I never had concrete proof of his cheating, I did overhear him and his buddies at work talking about some "piece of a**" he was currently screwing. Note - I was his friend first and she later became a good friend also. My concern here was where my loyalty should lie considering he was my friend first. However, I felt since he was possibly being deceitful and lying to her, not to mention putting her in danger of STD's and who knows what else...I decided I should tell her what I overheard. Well needless to say, as soon as I told her, she confronted him and he of course denied, denied, denied. She basically told me to mind my own business and we never really were able to get back our friendship. In the meantime, he also told me in less friendly terms to mind my own business and also never really got back our original friendship. I later left the company where I worked with him and moved to Oklahoma. I found out several years later that she actually caught him with someone else and threatened to divorce him but never did. They are still together and I probably can guess that he is still cheating. So that's great that you "say" that you would rather your friend tell you while it was going on than after the fact, but I bet if you would ask that same friend of mine, she would have said the same, but then when it actually happens, things can change. I lost two good friends over that and will most likely just "mind my own business" from now on! Sorry that happened to you and they are the fools not you. I would be blessed to have a friend willing to tell me the truth. |
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Just want to say thank you for the replies and the support.
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Well I have lived this from "the friend's" perspective and it was a no win situation for me. I worked with a good friend's husband and while I never had concrete proof of his cheating, I did overhear him and his buddies at work talking about some "piece of a**" he was currently screwing. Note - I was his friend first and she later became a good friend also. My concern here was where my loyalty should lie considering he was my friend first. However, I felt since he was possibly being deceitful and lying to her, not to mention putting her in danger of STD's and who knows what else...I decided I should tell her what I overheard. Well needless to say, as soon as I told her, she confronted him and he of course denied, denied, denied. She basically told me to mind my own business and we never really were able to get back our friendship. In the meantime, he also told me in less friendly terms to mind my own business and also never really got back our original friendship. I later left the company where I worked with him and moved to Oklahoma. I found out several years later that she actually caught him with someone else and threatened to divorce him but never did. They are still together and I probably can guess that he is still cheating. So that's great that you "say" that you would rather your friend tell you while it was going on than after the fact, but I bet if you would ask that same friend of mine, she would have said the same, but then when it actually happens, things can change. I lost two good friends over that and will most likely just "mind my own business" from now on! Sorry that happened to you and they are the fools not you. I would be blessed to have a friend willing to tell me the truth. Thanks...I remember I pretty much told him off when it happened and cursed him for putting me in that uncomfortable position. Not that he cared. Sadly enough, later...when I found out about her catching him I sorta just thought...well...I tried to tell her and she dropped me like a tater so she gets what she gets! Terrible thing to think about someone who once was your friend but....live and learn I guess! |
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sometimes it'd be better to wait to tell your bestfriend about her cheating boyfriend/husband cos u just didn't want to interfere with their relationship/marriage.
what if u forgave him, but then he'd twist the facts and made her look bad to u? then she'd lose her friendship with u. it happens all the time. i'd be very careful of not interfering with my bestfriends relationship. tmo, it'd be better if a close relative broke the bad news instead. |
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Edited by
Seakolony
on
Tue 05/11/10 02:03 PM
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sometimes it'd be better to wait to tell your bestfriend about her cheating boyfriend/husband cos u just didn't want to interfere with their relationship/marriage. what if u forgave him, but then he'd twist the facts and made her look bad to u? then she'd lose her friendship with u. it happens all the time. i'd be very careful of not interfering with my bestfriends relationship. tmo, it'd be better if a close relative broke the bad news instead. Just so you know, the person that did not tell me from the beginning is no longer my friend after 21 years of friendship. I would have listened to this person. I think honesty is honesty in any relationship, friendship or otherwise. I thank you for your input. |
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is that people want to tell you after that fact that you have been cheated on? Why is they can not tell you about the deceit you are living, so you can end it then. And what is the point of upsetting someone after the fact, by finding out they were deceived later? I think if they are disrespectful enough not to tell you while you are together, why rub it in afterwards? Friend or foe, none of us wants to be "That guy" or "That girl" who had to break the horrible news to the one cheated on. In theory, if you are a friend to someone who is being cheated on, then yes, as a friend you would think you would say something. But nowadays people live in their own world, and do not want to get involved with the lives of others, especially when something like cheating is happening. Sad? Yes it is. But most people will "Say" they would do it, but when the real deal happens???.....they fail to step up! So very true when my ex was cheating it was a best friend that finally told me. But.........I already knew and it is hard to believe that one does not have that feeling that something is wrong unless they have blinders on. After wards they seemed to come out of the wood work from others that decided to add to what they saw him do. Did I write them off as friends no for many don't want to get into another's business. When it all comes down to it most women/men have a gut feeling something is wrong. I have seen it many times even when they were told about the other one cheating they did not believe the person that told them anyway. Therefore it makes a lot of friends shy away of telling them. It puts them between a rock and a hard place. More of less they are damned if they do and damned if they don't...at times it is a no win situation.... So far I have been lucky enough not to have to be the one to tell a friend. Would I tell them sure I would but I would have to really think about it and make damn sure what I accuse them of is absolutely the truth. But it would pain me to know I had to tell them. To be honest even though a friend told me that was not enough for me I'm one that has to see it with my own two eyes. Even though I told my friend I believed her she knew I would as well see it first before I took action.... |
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I had no idea, we worked oposite shifts, and there was no problem in that arena or lack thereof, when I trust in someone I do not doubt them unless there is reason to. I will not change that about myself nor will I let one bad man in my life cast doubt on the rest of the good men out there. I will forever be blessed that, I will not let one incident cloud my view of love and life.
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I hear ya but I worked a totally different times then my ex as well. But then it is more obvious to one when you live with them then if it is separate arrangements.
Just saying don't take it fully out on your friends I have actually seen a few friendships break up due to they did tell their friend and they did not believe it. That is a hard choice to make. One may not think it is till it comes down to they are the one that must tell their friend. For at times they are afraid what if they took the situation wrong and it was not what they thought it was tough call at times..  I'm glad mine did for even though I suspected it it made me dig deeper to find out for sure... |
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Suffice to say that person will never be my friend because I find it decietful not to tell and my friends know my views well enough, that if they are my true friends, they should respect them. This person knew me for 21 years and knew my views well. This person is deceitful as well. I will not have it in my life, or this person, period. Friend issue done.
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A real friend will not stand silent if they know for sure you're being cheating on.
I personally have been in a situation where I tried to tell a friend that his Girlfriend is not a good person and she’s cheating on hem, he got mad at me and didn't want to believe it. |
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