"TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS--OLD SANTA WAS PISSED. HE CUSSED OUT THE ELVES AND THREW DOWN HIS LIST. MISERABLE LITTLE BRATS, UNGRATEFUL LITTLE JERKS. I HAVE A GOOD MIND TO SCRAP THE WHOLE WORK!
I'VE BUSTED MY *** FOR DAMN NEAR A YEAR. INSTEAD OF "THANKS SANTA," WHAT DO I HERE? THE OLD LADY ******* CAUSE I WORK LATE AT NIGHT. THE ELVES WANT MORE MONEY-- THE REINDEER ALL FIGHT. RUDOLPH GOT DRUNK AND GOOSED ALL THE MAIDS. DONNER IS PREGNANT AND VIXEN HAS AIDS. AND JUST WHEN I THOUGHT THAT THINGS WOULD GET BETTER THOSE ******** FROM THE IRS SENT ME A LETTER, THEY SAY I OWE TAXES, IF THAT AIN'T DAMN FUNNY, WHO THE HELL EVER SENT SANTA CLAUS ANY MONEY?
AND THE KIDS THESE DAYS, THEY ALL ARE THE PITS. THE WANT THE IMPOSSIBLE, THOSE MEAN LITTLE *****. I SPENT A WHOLE YEAR MAKING WAGONS AND SLEDS, ASSEMBLING DOLLS... THEIR ARMS, LEGS AND HEADS. I MADE A TON OF YO YO'S, NO REQUEST FOR THEM! THEY WANT COMPUTERS AND ROBOTS. THEY THINK, I'M IBM!
FLYING THROUGHT THE AIR... DODGING THE TREES, FALLING DOWN CHIMNEY'S AND SKINNING MY KNEES. I'M QUITTING THIS JOB THERE'S JUST NO ENJOYMENT. I'LL SIT ON MY FAT *** AND DRAW UNEMPLOYMENT
THERE'S NO CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR, NOW YOU KNOW THE REASON.
I FOUND ME A REDHEAD.
I'M GOING SOUTH FOR THE SEASON!

Very different