Well I think this is the forum for jokes,
so I will, put up a few for you all, hope you
like.....................


New vac cleaner
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be
confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good
morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your
time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum
cleaners. "**** off!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money" and
she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged
his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he
said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with
that, he emptied a bucket of horse **** all over her hallway carpet. "If
this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse **** from
your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder. "Well," she
said, "I hope you've got a ****ing good appetite, because the
electricity was cut off this morning."


Cute story...
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the
dealership and past the Tim Horton's. Taking off down the Trans Canada,
he
floored it to 120 kph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little
hair
he had left.

"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the highway, pushing the pedal to
the
metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the RCMP behind
him, red and blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away
from
him - no problem!" thought the elderly nut case as he floored it to 130
kph, then 140, then 150 kph.

Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this
nonsense!", pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the
Mountie
to catch up with him.
Pulling in behind him, the officer walked up to the driver's side of the
Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30
minutes.
Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that
I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The man, looking very seriously at the Mountie, said, "Years ago, my
wife
ran off with an RCMP officer. I thought you were bringing her back".
"Have a good day, Sir," said the Mountie.


The Zipper
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, he became aware
that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height
of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she
reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this
would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the
step,only to discover that she couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to
unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the
step Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to
unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked
her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled,
"How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree
with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured
we was friends."


Wedding
A wedding took place in Newfoundland . In keeping with tradition,
everyone got extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families had a
storming row. They began wrecking the reception room and generally
kicking the living daylights out of each other.The police got called in
to break up the fight and the following week, all members of both
families appeared in court.
The fight continued in the courtroom until the Judge finally brought
calm with the use of his gavel, shouting, "Silence in the Court!" The
courtroom goes silent and Paddy, the Best Man, stood up and says, "Your
honor, I was the Best Man at the wedding and I think I should explain
what happened".
The Judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy began his
explanation by telling the court that it is tradition that the Best Man
gets the first dance with the bride.
The judge says, "Okay. Continue."
"Well, said Paddy, "after I had finished the first dance, the
music kept going, so I danced to the second song, and after that the
music kept going and I was dancing to the third song when all of a
sudden - the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the
bride an unmerciful kick right between her legs."
Shocked, the judge instantly responded, "Lord Thundering Jesus, that
must have hurt!"
"HURT?" Paddy replies, "HE BROKE THREE OF MY FINGERS !!!!!!"
"Everybody is born right handed......only the brilliant can overcome
it!"


Now this is not a joke, but for some of you country folk, here's a
charm, I know you'll love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQPEsa5e7K0
<javascript:ol('http://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3dLQPEsa5e7K0');>


You like................that's what I thought, hahahaha. See ya'slaugh:
Noden:

yes, Gypsy...I sure would! Noden...loved 'em!!!!!!

Hahahahahahhahahaha, too funny!!! :)

Thanks....I thought you's like at least you that have posted a comment
are not shy

thanx for the laughs a great way to start any day

A wife is standing naked in front of her mirror and tells her husband:"
honey, I feel fat , and have wrinkled skin, please say something nice to
me." The husband replies:" you have perfect eyesight". He never saw the
shot coming.