it means you got drunk and married that woman....

warning..warning....warning....

sorry..but u better start over.....somebodies parents will love you...

It will make life so much sweeterrrrrrrrrrrrr.....

or u could stay single......

Like US......xo

Any adult who allows their family to run their life is someone I would never get involved with. Period. If you were teenagers and her mom and dad hated you and forbade her to date you, I'd say yeah, fine, she's underage, whatever. But you said she's 37? I'm 37 too, and no one runs my life. If I decide I want to date an axe murderer, that's between me and the axe murderer.

I don't ask for anyone's permission and I don't accept anyone's advice on my life. It's ironic that you're dating an "older woman" but she sounds extremely immature and more than a bit unstable. It's up to you whether or not you choose to stay with this person, no matter what anyone else on here says. If you think she's worth all the drama and heartache and possible danger involved in such a volatile relationship, by all means, have at it. I wish you luck.

ohhh we r talking about an adult..Hmm I should have researched before I answered....

Thats ok..no one ran my life....but hell..I should have asked...cause I'm hearing a lot from my past from my family.
If it had been in the open....I would have run fast.....something like that...

I was just speaking for myself, it's fine if other people want approval from their family or someone else's, it's just not my thing.

it would be pointless if somebody's parents liked me, but the woman herself did not.

Melody Girl, thanks for the reply.


"Hi! First, sorry I misread your statement that you DO understand why some members said to run away. I read, "...can't understand..." tongue2

I can't define what "real love" is for you or anyone but myself."

Yeah, I understand that...

"I know that my expectations in a partner are HIGH and I would never allow even a friend in my life with as many problems and dysfunction as you have described."

That's a bit intolerant isn't it? what if someone has a few issues, but turns out to be the total love of your life who adores you in every way you have ever wanted?

""Normal" is subjective to the lifestyle in which we live or were raised. Some people think its normal to steal or feign while others would never consider this pathology."

Yesss...that sounds very open minded!

"I personally don't put up with drama; no, I don't believe relationships should have drama. If people allow it then they probably think it's normal. For me, drama and baggage is not normal. That is the way I choose to live my life."

Don't take this the wrong way, but I think it's a bit unrealistic of you to expect there not to be any problems in a relationship, EVER, without challenges, how do you learn and grow? I admit, that I would have preferred the challenges I face not to be so hard sometimes, but it is what it is.

"I have a quick trigger and a sensitive BS/red flag meter. I have a big red circle, with a diagonal line through it, on my forehead that rules my world. How I came up with my idea of normal is only valid in my life. You will develop your own ideas of what is acceptable and what isn't as you experience life."

Perhaps you have had a difficult childhood that has caused you to have a very strong defense mechanism? I just don't think it's realistic to expect relationships without any dramas at all, life just does not work like that imho. people will be human. I mean look at this way, if I was a kind of guy that would accept only a girl that would totally worship and love and adore me, and give herself to me completely in every possible way (body, mind, and spirit) and not complain about anything, EVER, you would think I was a selfish pig. The biggest complaint I hear from women is that the guys in their life only care about one thing.

"When you ask for opinions on a public forum you will have a different answer from each person. There are no absolutes. Use common sense and think about consequences rather than thinking emotionally. How you handle this will, of course, shape your dating future and dictate your relationship skills (or lack of skills)."

lol...

"Enabling: allow, facilitate, make possible
Co-dependent: mutually supporting, mutually dependent
Basically, the two of you will encourage and support each other’s bad habits or abnormal/impaired behavior."

What is wrong with being mutually supporting? As for mutually dependent, well no single person is an island, I agree that too much dependency can be a huge weakness though.


"Personally, I would rather shoot myself in the foot that get envolved with anyone like you have described."

Describe a relationship you have been in, that hasn't had any dramas whatsoever Melody. And if there is one, are you still in it, and if not, what made you choose to leave?

"Remember, this is YOUR life and no one will look after you but YOU. Life is too short to be miserable or to constantly ride a rollercoaster of other people's garbage. It’s better to be single than to be in a toxic relationship. Relationships are not difficult with the right person nor should they cause you to post for help on an internet forum. winking"

Have you found the right person for you?

"Best wishes with internalizing this situation. flowerforyou"

thanks for the flower.

Think to yourself is this woman dating you or her parents? What matters the most is what the one you love thinks. Sit down and talk to her and let her know how you feel.

she tells me each and everyday that she loves me

And on the flip side...

While she needs to make her own decisions, her parents might have a legitimate view of things.

Mine absolutely disliked my long-term bf. So much so that he was not allowed to come over after the first year, and I was written out of the will until he died (18 year difference). I ignored it as much as possible, but when I finally broke up with him, his very first comment was how soon they'd put me back in their will.

Can I say WOW! That was so out of left field I was reeling and appalled that they were in fact correct in their views.

So, while you can rightly or wrongly profess your innocence, no one can really say anything without knowing both sides of the story.

I'm not going to dissect each point you outlined. I will try to summarize.

I don't care if I seem "intolerant" to you. Since this is my l life, I get to live it however I wish. I am happy. Again, it’s better to be single than be in a toxic relationship. When I make this statement I think of the saying, “When you pay my bills then you can tell me how to spend my money.”

I was not damaged as a child; my past relationships were fairly normal and just simply ran their course.

There is a difference between conquering challenges in a relationship vs. being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t possess common sense; or who lacks life skills; or lacks communication skills or who has a criminal history, drug addictions, or who is a serial cheater, etc.

No, I have not met anyone with whom I care to spend a significant amount of time. I have so much going in my life that I don't sit around and think about dating, love, and if I will ever get married.

thanks for your opinion melody girl. got no further comments or questions at this point though, so thanks.



okay, so what when wrong with that relationship?? what could he have done so bad, that you were left out of your parents will?

i can honestly say that she is hurting more than you are over this ,she is caught between family and the man she loves,but if you are treating her right and love her to,then her choice should be simple. time will eventually stop the parents nonsense when they realize you two are inseparable but then she has to seperate herself from her parents first if not then i agree with most haul A$$ out of that mess.

OK, I just read this whole post and I find A LOT of red flags going on! The first thing I assume is that she is living with her parents? If so, she is putting them in a position to where they can stick their nose in her business...she needs to move out and pay her own bills and then they have NO say so!
She said something about killing her parents? OK WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS? BIG RED FLAG HERE!! Is she some kind of crazy person who is trying to make you think things are so bad that maybe just maybe YOU might kill them for her? Hey, it does happen you know!!
Drama...NO, not everyone has drama in their relationships!! If you have drama, something is wrong. Love is not suppose to be a painful experience! If I meet someone and they have drama in their life..trust me, I don't let them hang around me very long!! My life is very peaceful and I like to keep it that way!!
There is nothing wrong with an older woman dating a younger guy BUT do you have things in common? Is she your sugar mama or something? You said that you could never match her financially...why is that? Its called getting a full-time job and sticking to it!!! Maybe that is why her parents don't like you, maybe they think you are trying to take advantage of their daughter.?.
Ok well I said what I wanted to and probably more then I needed to...Good Luck with this messed up situation!!!

ps. i have know idea where this came from it even shocked me after i read it a couple of times...i was like "i posted this,right on

gratitous Bump for posterity

ps stephen,
RuN,Run for da chopper!

Say a prayer.

unsure, I am looking HARD for a full-time job, or at least another casual job to match with my current working hours. no luck yet, there's been a recession going on, remember?

i warn you, what i'm about to say is a bit loaded, and i ask members that choose to read on to be the non-judgemental, objective types.

i had a bad childhood and felt like killing my father many times for the way he treated me, i never acted out on it of course because of fear of jail, he died anyway though. The point is, I can relate to her feelings of feeling trapped, given how she is not super woman, and her moving out on her own, giving the rising costs of rentals is not that easy for her.

She is NOT a sugar momma, while i do admit that I generally have slightly more respect for a woman that actually makes an effort to do something in society then one that just wants to sit home all day and expects a man to go to work and provide EVERYTHING for her (that's way too traditional for my liking, not even my parents did that and they were very traditional-my mother was a teacher), when a woman is working full-time yet has grown up with outdated 1950's values, that makes it very hard. It's been hard enough to find and keep my current job.

RKISIT I think you have hit the nail on the head with this one, so thanks.

They didn't like him, the fact that he wasn't working, and he was a smoker. Mom said he'd asked her some odd questions about the place and when they died, and it set off bells. Some of his comments about feeling like he was "owed" because he had been in the military, and that everyone was picking on him because he was white. So he was uninvited to any future events. She didn't like the vibes he gave off.

well I not a smoker and I got NO interest whatsoever in girlfriend's money. money corrupts, i prefer to earn my own way in the world

I do have to disagree with the comments of living with parents. I know there's plenty of reasons why that happens, and that's not even getting into the economy.

I do. Mom has Multiple Sclerosis, and dad is currently traveling a lot with work, as he's really wanting to retire. I get to play chauffer, as the MS has affected mom visually and with regards to her balance.

While, more then likely, I'll get a cabin put up on the back of the property, the animals are mostly mine, so I have them to deal with. And since the folks have the acreage, it's a tax write-off for them.

It's whether the parents are controlling the person that is the issue. Just living with them isn't bad.