I fell in love once. Her name is Jenny and she is beautiful. She is
eighteen years younger than me, is raising four children, and is
married. And I just plain old fell in love with her. As she did with me.
Last fall I took some classes at the local technical college to
gear up for a new job in medical transcription or health administration.
Turns out Jenny had the same plans. It also turned out that we shared
the same class schedule. Go figure. Then I fell in love.
From the first class we had together, the first time we saw one
another, the first time we spoke, we gravitated to the other. We simply
sat next to each other and the conversation began. A conversation that
was to last the entire semester. You see I fell in love.
At times I would carry her books. Other times, she would sign me in
on the attendance sheet using my real first name. There are very few who
get away with using my real first name. Jenny was one of them. I was in
love with her.
At school we studied together. In class we debated each other.
Between classes and at break times she would tell me about her life and
I would tell her about mine. And there was nothing forced. It was
all-natural. We just fell into a rhythm as though we had been doing this
all of our lives. We shared secrets some couples take years to
reveal…but we weren’t a couple. She was married and I fell in love.
Eventually she started telling me about her husband. He was not
pleased that she was in school. He wanted to be the provider, wanted his
wife at home raising his children. I merely listened…I’m very good at
that. She needed to talk it out. Hell, I would have listened to her
recite the phone book! I was in love with her.
One day she told me that her husband was getting mad at me. I asked
her why, I didn’t even know the man-never met him! She told me that when
she talked about school while at home she invariably ended up saying “JB
this…JB that.” I told her to stop talking about me at home. She told me
that it was kind of late for that. I didn’t care. I was in love with
her.
Another day she told me that she had almost emailed me the other
night. Nothing to do with school, just some interesting observation or
another that she knew I would enjoy. Then she told me that she was glad
she didn’t. What if I responded? She shares her email account with her
husband, and if he found that we were talking online…Yes. I was in love
with her.
Then one night an email came. She was having difficulty with an
exam question and wanted my input. She asked if I would help her by
emailing back my thoughts. This I did, but just my thoughts on the exam
question. I was in love with her…I wasn’t stupid.
Now we had all the time together at school and exchanging our
thoughts in email. She told me more about her life. I told her more
about mine. We were in love. But we never spoke about it. We never acted
on it. Ours was not an attraction that shouted at us to remove our
clothes and become intimate as soon and as often as possible. Ours was
an overpowering sense of belonging together. Together in a situation
unspoken that both of us knew could never be… could never last. It was
like the first time you lay eyes on a great painting. The first time you
read a great novel. The first time you see an excellent movie. You may
be able to go through the motions again, but nothing recreates the
original experience.
One frozen eve after class let out we were heading for the door to
the parking lot. An ice storm earlier had glazed the outdoors as fine as
any skating rink. I held the door for her and as she passed through, she
grabbed my hand. The first and only time either one of us had touched
the other. We walked in silence to where we had parked next to each
other. Standing by her driver door our hands were still interlocked. She
peered into my eyes with a look I had never seen from her before as a
warm blush flooded her cheeks. I was mesmerized. She leaned her lips in
close to mine and as they parted I gave her hand a gentle squeeze, her
arm a gentle tug.
“Good night, Jenny.” I said.
“Yes…good night…JB.” she replied as she turned and climbed into her car.
We never spoke of that night.
The next semester she was nowhere to be found. An email confirmed
that her husband wanted her at home and that she would be studying
online. So we continued via the Internet, never talking about our
attraction.
Then one night I received an email form her that started “This will
be my last email to you. My husband has requested that I no longer
continue talking with you. Please do not respond but also know that he
will never read this one.
I’m in love with you JB. And I know you’re in love with me. We both
know it will never go any further than that. I will remain in my
marriage and you---I wish you luck in anything and everything you do for
the rest of your life.
Goodbye,
Jenny

I fell in love once. I never spoke about it. I never acted on it.
But I enjoyed every last second of it.

I have never attempted to contact her…and yes. I miss her.

And yes…I would do it all over again. Nothing even mirrors the
first time…

That was beautiful!

yes it is!

very pretty nus

(((nus))))
What a Beautiful Love you two shared,, I have read your words three
times and each time I feel the Love you shared with jenny,, Thank you
for sharing your story with us,, Beautiful,,,

((((((NUS)))))) You Rawk!

Wow Nus! A beautiful story. Thanks for sharing....

I agree, that is a beautiful story

that was so beautiful

JB....

I could feel the love that you shared with Jenny. May you find that same
kind of love again. Not ever to replace her...just to get the feelings
back....


-Joanne

Nus -- Very beautiful, and very powerful. I hurt for you, my friend, I
know what it's like.

Just know that your story made an impact. A huge and bittersweet
impact.

I feel fortunate to be able to read your writings, to be one you share
this with....

I truly believe it will get better.

There is so much to see and feel through each road of life that
we travel, this road had a big fork in it for you both but as in all
roads lead to another and maybe still one day the road you both are
driving on will once again take you into each other? Life hurts, but as
your ending stated, you
gladly would take the pain again as to never have felt the love in
making magic happen.

Nus,

That was so sweet...I have goosebumps from reading it...may the day
truely come that you find another love so deep and pure. As you say,
"nothing mirrors the first time" but maybe it will be just as rewarding
for you.

You are a great guy and I am proud to call you my friend!

Eileen

That was beautiful Nus, I can only hope to feel that way about someone
in my lifetime.

omgggggggggggggg nus i am crying!!!!!! i hate
crying!!!!

i know what you mean Gypsy...it's bad enough i've cried alot with this
pain but then i come here and cry happy cries.

Nus I had tears in my eyes reading that.

Beautiful
I don't know another word to describe this
Simply beautiful

OMG That was beautiful.