Yeah, I've been telling myself that for years. It just gets worse. At this point I'd rather be an alcoholic than an addict for some reason. To me they're both the same, but being called an alocoholic doesn't seem so bad for some reason.

I think because alcohol is legal, so it doesn't carry as much stigma. I've never been addicted to alcohol or drugs, but I've had to force myself to stop doing other things that hurt me. Once I decided to stop, it wasn't so hard. I hope you get the strength to do it.

Yeah, maybe I've become a weaker person.

If I was living by myself, I wouldn't be drinking as much, which is kind of weird.

I really do a lot better when I'm by myself. I need my alone time, and it's not the same if I have my own bedroom. I need my own place.

I can't leave my mom now. She's still looking for a job, and she has my nephew to take care of, so I have to help her and him.

We all have vices, in one way or another. Doesn't mean you're weak, you're human. I'm sure it'll work out in the end.

It should get better. I just wish I could write or do something artistic with it. That would be so amazing if I could.

Writing helps. That's why I do so much of it. Better to have it out of my head than in it. Just write it down, don't try to control it. Whatever you're thinking or feeling, just write it down. I don't do art anymore, which kind of sucks. I guess it's my writing season.....

My nightly call just ended and now I'm off to have sweet dreams *sigh*

Goodnight, Lori.

Yeah, I wish it could help me. I wish I could just write things down. I would probably feel a little bit better If I could. I'm OK with that right now though. I have to find whatever it is that can make me happy, but there's nothing. Drugs and alcohol seem to be the closest thing I can find to happiness, but I don't want to find happiness in them. I want something better than that. Something real.

What's stopping you from writing them down? It doesn't have to be a poem or anything. It doesn't have to be organized. All of my poems are written in less than 10 minutes, I just start typing and edit later. The important thing is to get the words out, it sounds really simple, but trust me, it works. It's like the words are all jumbled up there and once you spill them onto the page or the screen or whatever, your head clears. Or at least mine does.

You said you like music, immerse yourself in that. I'm listening to music right now to drown out the other stuff. It's my way of escape....

My people perish from Ignorance ...

... You strain at Gnats but swallow Camels whole!

I should be getting my bath right about now, but noooooo, instead I'm drinking from a sunshine yellow glass and thinking about.....things.

Totage - helping your family is great but should not be at your own expense. Maybe you could help her from a distance so that it isn't such a strain. Besides, you can't really be helpful as an addict and your happiness is just as important. jmo

I will never drink cheap Gin ever again.

thinking about getting rid of my current virus scan since its blocking games that im trying to download!

It's not McAfee is it? That chit is the devil, I had to get rid of it because it made my cpu fan run all the time.

I used to have mcafee but got rid of it once the free trial was over, now using panda internet security 2010,It`s free though...

Transparency ...

How such dirty windows can still be seen right, unclean through!

I have avast, it's free, too, and I love it. I switched briefly to McAfee because my ISP "recommended" it. Never again, that crap needs to be discontinued...