Saw something on another site that I hadn't seen before.

There was a girl who said something along these lines in her profile: "Don't hesitate to write me. Even if we don't end up dating, we could be good friends and fix each other up with people we know."

OK, I have seen the occasional "I'm setting up this account for my mother because she needs to find a good man," and such -- the "intervening third party" concept. But I've never seen anyone make the suggestion that people could just get to know each other on a dating site and fix each other up.

The idea intrigues me because a.) pretty much everybody I've ever been involved with was someone I met through a friend, and b.) I do get e-mails from people who say things like "My friend likes you but she's intimidated by your writing," etc.

I'm just wondering if anybody sees this as a viable option.

I'm skeptical because the "fixer-uppers" I knew in the past were people who really knew me. They were like sisters to me, although I never had an actual real-life sister. But I knew they weren't going to hook me up with an arsonist, for example; which is exactly what the first girl I met from a dating site turned out to be.

And there are a few people -- only a few -- I feel I know well enough on line to be able to trust their judgment about this sort of thing, although it doesn't really matter since they all live too far away to provide any useful connections....

I've always preferred the "meeting-through-friends" option because of the inherent "screening process" that you simply don't get meeting people on line. And I'm not sure that an "on-line-friends-screening-process" would necessarily be as effective as the real-life version.

But I don't really know....

I've seen a couple like that, and POF has a button that you can recommend people for your friends. I thought it was totally odd.

But then, I've never let any friends I know in person set me up with anyone, since they tend to run towards strange tastes anyways, so...

Shows how much attention I've been paying to POF....!

But, when I was younger, I had two friends who were introducing me to new prospects on a regular basis. None of them were what I would call "serious long-term material" -- but they were never arsonists or phony bank tellers, and only a few had drug issues.

It was mostly a series of innocuous, short-term entanglements that were more distractions than relationships. I suppose, if I'm completely honest about it, that was all I really wanted at the time.

Real life is different now. I don't know anyone who would have the remotest possibility of knowing someone I might actually be interested in. One looks for options.

Yep. Much as I love my friends, they really don't understand what I seek. And while short-term can be just fine, I can still safely say they wouldn't have the slightest idea as a short-term thing. LOL! And they actually have a better idea of who I am, which I really can't see with an online friend, even if it was someone you're chatting over the phone with and such.

Hmm, well, okay, maybe there's one friend, but she's in Scotland, so that really would be difficult to get set up with anyone by her. LOL!

I have had many friends, have me meet their friends, but have to be honest not many know me that well to chose for me.As for on line friends hmmm nope not really a good options either. Not that I have better luck chosing myself but odds are better.

That's like the 'I'm really not going to lower my standards for you, but I do have a needy friend that you are perfect for and I get to hear all the gory details' option

Well, that part wouldn't bother me at all, given that I understand standards are entirely subjective anyway.

The part that bothers me is the fact that I just don't see anybody suitable anywhere I look; maybe if I knew some people locally, my chances might improve.

I have found when looking you need 3 things tho, communication, trust ,honesty.With out one you have nothing... as for the rest I can lower my standards, as we all change year to year. I tend to run into people that are just all words blah blah blah , and nothing to back their word.

I agree with you, in theory. But I've only found communication with one person, and have never found trust or honesty at all. Does that mean I should stop looking? I'm not sure.

Yes.
And get a fire safe.

You know Lex.
They are probably all around you.
You just cannot see them.
That is why "friends" often fall for each other.
They are always around, but unseen until..a moment happens.
Enlightenment.

So, is this the idea?
You hook up with a person as a friend who then tries
to hook you up with their friends?
Isn't that what you are doing already on Mingle?
I mean.
If I knew someone that met your, uh, loooooooooooooooong
list of requirements, I would forward them to you :-)

So.
Probably not a bad idea.
But I think you are already on it.
And I am thinking you are not the kind of dinosaur that
would be good at the superfluous friends.

That may have been true at one time.

But I have no friends in real life anymore -- they all abandoned me after the car accident last year.

Which is OK -- because at least now I know who's who. And who's not. A hard lesson to learn, but better now than later.

There really is no one around me, in any sense of the term.



Falling back on a historical trend -- that was how it always happened. It was a different environment, because I was heavily involved in music back then -- I think that made certain aspects of the operation a lot easier.



It would be nice if that were possible. Unfortunately, there is no one close enough here to talk to about that sort of thing. People have written and said things like "My sister would be perfect for you except she lives in Helsinki," or that sort of thing. I have no interest in LDRs.



And, because you and I have communicated quite a bit, I would tend to take your recommendation seriously. However, there are not many I could say that for.

Again, not addressing the ubiquitous distance issue.



I am trying to evaluate its potential as a viable strategy. Hence the thread.



Don't have the time nor the interest for superfluosity. There is a certain benefit to being a recluse.

I wouldn't let my friends set me up

1. if the relationship doesn't work out, then there could be friction
2. Most of my friends are guys, so they wouldn't pick out a good guy for me lol
3. I would always be wondering if this was back back for something I did to a friend

I don't want anyone choosing someone for me.

It would be a way to lose friendship, you know?

Also, if the guy is so great why aren't they dating him themselves (single friends that is)?

Ideally, I would tend to agree with this. But the reality is that I haven't been able to find anyone even moderately interesting for over a year now. I have always been of the opinion that there's nothing wrong with asking for help when one needs it.



Never worked that way for me. My two "fixer-uppers" were wonderful friends. They eventually moved away, to other parts of the world, but I will never have anything but love and appreciation for them, despite their inability to find me anyone I could be with for more than a few months!



There were valid reasons why it would not have been feasible for me to date my "fixer-uppers." That did not prevent them from trying to help me with my situation, and vice versa.

Hummm lately my sisters boss seems to have this mission to set me up with dates shsh her husband works for the Railroad. But I have yet to find one of them that has really caught my attention and been able to hold it.

Soooooo not so sure that is the best thing. But then it seems to be a better reality then what I have found online. Shshsh have I found some real winners so far

A year is not that long (believe me I know of what I speak). It may be what you seek is right in front of you, or what you really want may in reality not be what you need.

As for staying with someone more than a few months. I can relate. I tend to become bored very easily. Not blaming the person I would be involved with, it's just the way I'm wired.

I have people trying to fix me up constantly.
I tell them I'm not interested and they do it anyway.
Needless to say, these people are no longer my friends.

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain.
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.

So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time.
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over,
Thought I'd something more to say.

People tend to say this a lot, and maybe in some cases, it's dead on -- but I can assure you, there is nothing and no one right in front of me.

As for the want/need thing, I have a pretty firm grasp of that. There has been more than enough trial & error (mostly error) to clarify this beyond any doubt in my mind.



Same here. I get bored very easily, and the minute the domestication agenda kicks in, I'm out. It isn't that there's necessarily anything wrong with my exes having HAD the domestication agenda; it's just that it's definitely not for me.



I've had a few make such suggestions recently, but these were cases where it was clear from the beginning that it was a bad idea.

All I'm saying is I wouldn't necessarily be opposed to the idea, assuming the other stuff added up right.

It sounds like you and I are in the same boat.

I believe that I am so set in my ways, it's gonna take one heck of a man to deal with me on my terms.

Not many guys interested in a strong woman that's not afraid to share her point of view.

For me, it's not even so much about being set in my ways. I have a handful of absolute "musts," but I'm basically flexible on everything else.

The problem is that my "musts" tend to run counter to the inertial societal-expectation "musts" that most people seem bound and determined to live by. It's a conflict; but for me to try to live their way would be a greater conflict, and I won't do it.



If that's true, it's a very sad situation. It just seems that many people would rather be told WHAT to think, WHAT to do, and HOW to live.