Topic: Orlean Eyes | |
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Edited by
kc0003
on
Wed 02/03/10 08:07 AM
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Shemekia Copeland was pulling tears from my heart
Dr John was coxing the keys along, as if he invented them The Neville Brothers made me see angels It was cold in New Orleans that night But it had nothing to do with the weather I was there to help... ...and I needed help Help understanding how it was, that in the club, we were all brothers yet, the streets were filled hatred Hatred and fear Right there for everyone to see in plain ol’ black and white When the waters receded they left behind a residue of neglect and mistrust No dam can fix that There’s no relief for it either There is only truth and the truth is, we should all be ashamed of our selves I stepped over bodies I got robbed at gunpoint I saw a celebrity make sure he was in focus I watched the police beat a man who was doing nothing wrong And I heard the gunfire, aimed at the rescue workers Humanity at is best... My time in a city I once loved has hardened me I still see the sorrow when I close my eyes I haven’t returned Not as of yet but, I’m not sure I will It wasn't smells The death The confusion Or even the lack of organization You see, it’s the eyes I can’t forget ...I’ll never forget Young or old, they were all the same Those damn eyes Blank starring, hopeless, resentful eyes Hollowed out sockets More befitting aliens Oh, those eyes... They keep me up some nights They remind me just how far we have not evolved as humans It could have been much different there We all know that But it wasn’t And it change me And it should have changed all of us |
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heart felt..I understand
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,, Shortly Valentines day , do not forget about me ,
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,, Shortly Valentines day , do not forget about me ,
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,, Shortly Valentines day , do not forget about me ,
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,, Shortly Valentines day , do not forget about me ,
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,, Shortly Valentines day , do not forget about me ,
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,, Shortly Valentines day , do not forget about me ,
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i'll try not to forget anyone....
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,, Shortly Valentines day , do not forget about me ,
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This is poignant and brilliant my friend
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kc i as a writer have learned from this poem
this is poetry this my friend is awesome |
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Edited by
kc0003
on
Wed 02/03/10 11:59 PM
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kc i as a writer have learned from this poem this is poetry this my friend is awesome thank you my brother as someone who dabbles i am grateful for your generosity and your patience with me and if i am to be honest, i too learn from your work. here's to learning a craft that is under appreciated... |
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Always interesting to read, my friend
Interesting you draw out what is never talked about. Thank you for that point of view. Tameria |
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Superb write my friend.Godspeed!Cy
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A well written and eye opening telling
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After the reading, the crowd raised, faces shocked with astonish mens, as they one by one, started their claps of praise..
Great one MAN!!!! |
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kc, I'm going to approach this one here as I would on our writing site. This one started for me at stanza 6. The rest is written in jive and it doesn't ring true to me. It's not you. From stanza 6 you start a point of view that's believable and heartfelt. And even then you're still in the jive mode much of the time. I myself would do this one not from the first person vantage but as an observer. I think it's about 88 percent in it's growth. It's really good. But it could be great.
See how much I love you my friend? I come on here throwing myself out there for rocks to be thrown at me by giving you honest criticism. *smiling* |
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Edited by
s1owhand
on
Thu 02/04/10 06:13 PM
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wings foam rocks at Wizzy!
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kc, I'm going to approach this one here as I would on our writing site. This one started for me at stanza 6. The rest is written in jive and it doesn't ring true to me. It's not you. From stanza 6 you start a point of view that's believable and heartfelt. And even then you're still in the jive mode much of the time. I myself would do this one not from the first person vantage but as an observer. I think it's about 88 percent in it's growth. It's really good. But it could be great. See how much I love you my friend? I come on here throwing myself out there for rocks to be thrown at me by giving you honest criticism. *smiling* that's part of the reason i you. you have always thrown yourself out there for me. i would be terribly disappointed if simply patted me on the back and didn't let me know how you really felt. i'm not sure if i can change the perspective though, i was more than just an observer here, i spent 4 months there and it did have an affect on me...but i will take a long look at this and see what it says and can say to me if told in a more effective way |
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