Ok well here's my story. I have recently
been talking to a really really close female
friend of mine. We dated in 6th grade lol
and shortly after we had split way back
when both of our familys went to hell,
drugs, devorce, domestic abuse. Needless
to say, we helped each other through
some pretty wicked **** all the way through
about jr year of highschool. She has a
habit of finding boyfriends that promise her
the word and then follow through by
treating her so so at best.
Her last relationship ended a month or two
ago. Durring the end half of that
relationship she would call me in tears and
upset over something he did or did not do
that any guy worth his stones would do. So
I'd go get her take her out on the bike
or a 2am dennys run or anything to get her
mind off of it and cheer her up.
Now remeber we have always kinda had a
thing for each other and always detest the
others bf/gf because they were never good
enough.
She came to me and told me she loved me
(Which was fine we say that to each other)
but she made it crystal clear that it wasn't
just the same, that she can see herself with
me and can see us moving in together. So,
WTF do I do? Sacrafice a priceless
friendship for a shot at forever? Or leave
it as a friendship and miss out on what
could be perfect?

It really depends on how you feel about her. If you like her in the same way, i say go for it. What more can you ask for than to be in love with your best friend?

I'd give it 3-6 months. Both of you go it ALONE. She might be hitting you up out of neediness or deperation or afraid of being alone, and since you are always there and help each other out, you've both become co-dependent on each other.

Get over your exes first, before trying anything so you both will know you really want each other for each other, not as a rebound.

There's nothing wrong with keeping in touch, but ease up on the desperation responses. Otherwise you both keep up a vicious cycle.

WOW 2 really interesting responses!!

You are getting some hellaciously good advice here my friend!

It IS a delicate situation but I will give it a much better
chance of success than 3-6 months. Why? Because you have known
each other for so long and have such a sincere friendship and
knowledge of each other. Real caring.

There is NO BETTER foundation for love. NONE. So yes, be aware
that she is in an emotionally vulnerable situation. And, also
discuss it with her. If you love her (and it sure sounds like
you do) then tell her. She may have fallen for you too. And,
I am happy to say, this has happened to me. At first I could
not believe it at the time. I actually could NOT believe it.

She had just come out of a multiyear relationship and was
definitely in a vulnerable state. But I fell in love with her.
And we took it slow - I was particularly worried that I was
just going to be her rebound guy - because I've been the
rebound guy before as well.



But, as I said, cautiously we spent more and more time together
and it became obvious that this was not a rebound thing but was
actually a great and enduring love.

Being in love puts you both in a very vulnerable position - but
there is no other way.

So, tell her how you really feel, and be aware that she may be
quite emotionally needy right now. Be there for her and you have
a chance, a really great chance, it is only a chance, for a most
elusive and rewarding experience of a lifetime.

Sure, on the other hand, you have been friends for so long and
somehow it never made it to the next level. So there is a very good
reason to be cautious. But, it is never at the next level until it
is at the next level....and then, EVERYTHING is different.

All the best luck to you in your new adventure!

I have never seen shacking up turn out too well so I don't recommend doing that.

Being there while each of you put your life back together as individuals sounds like the best way to give your future together a good foundation.

When you have had a crummy family life and find a sense of family with a peer it is not the same as the sense of family you have with a true mate. If you each would establish a successful "family" relationships; even if it is a church family or a team since your own families don't sound too healthy it may help you sort out your feelings.

Not saying a long standing relationship can not transition into the real thing but I would give it some time to sort itself out so you have the best chance at a good future.

There is a reason premarital counseling is so wise. Sometimes it helps people plan the lives they really want. If it is together great if it is just remaining long term friends you have a better chance of not ending up enemies.

Well... I haven't read all the posts....

but here is a couple things to conside....


if she just recently left a relationship... she needs time to work through that.... getting into a relationship right after leaving one generally isn't the best idea.


secondly, you have to realize that you are her 'go to guy'... she goes to you when her relationships sucks... she goes to you when life isn't fair... she goes to you.... see the pattern? I would give this some time... cause you just maybe sucked into her pattern and get hurt.

third, you really have to decide if pursuing this is worth it, right? You talk about that you don't want to ruin the friendship. But this is a long standing friendship here.

Fourthly, you might want to ask yourself... why didn't she pursue more of a friendship before this.

Give yourself some time to think about the whole situation.... ask some tough questions... and see things for what they are... not what you want to see them as.

The only thing I have to say about this ( because I agree with the rest of your post ) is this...

How many times do we wind up thinking that someone is what we really want, only to find out that's not the case??

She may very have " seen the light " and realized that this guy is what she actually wants. Someone she can rely on and someone she knows will always be there for her.

Just a thought.

I had to go sort through some bad relationships and wind up with things that I didn't want, before I finally got to the point of really knowing what it is that I DO want.

Slowhand...I don't think Equus was actually giving a relationship between the two of them 6 months. I think she was referring to the fact that they both should wait that amount of time before getting into one with each other.

I am not discounting the fact that she may have 'seen the light'... but it's just a point to be cautious of... something to think about.

tanyaann and justaguy are dead-on. Listen to them. I agree.

I know you weren't discounting it, Tanya.

I just figured I would play Devil's Advocate a bit and bring it up...lol

well stop being a pain in my rear!

I think it is really good that the OP is getting some valuable guidance. All I am saying is that I have been thrown into a maelstrom of emotion when my gf at the time was exiting a bad relationship and I was the go-to guy and in fact it turned out to be a great match.

In my case however we had only known each other for about 6 months so it was a little different.

But.....nothing ventured nothing gained. One must ultimately risk the heartache of rejection and love or be doomed to spend one's life in quiet desperation.

I think the OP is aware of the risks and that is why he posts. He is not sure that her feelings are durable and he knows he/her/both of them may get very hurt and that it is a risk to their friendship.

Well ain't that just the way it is.



Bonzai! Bonzai! Bonzai!



P.S. Sorry Equus - I think I did misread your comment. I agree with you that they should try to keep it under control for a few months before diving right into it! That is what I tried to do in the above mentioned similar situation. Didn't work though for us. Too many emotions and it was like a hurricane.

Well said there is nothing i can add says it all Anna x