Because "Anal, Bacterial, Conjunctivitis, Diarrhea, Ebola, Fleas and Gonorrhea" just don't have the same ring to it.


Why does my cat always know when I'm awake in the middle of the night so he can perfectly time his annoying meows to make me feed him?

Because he is secretly plotting to kill you.

If olive oil comes from smashed olives, how do they make baby oil?

some flour, eggs, sugar.. oh wait, that's to make a cake


how long can you hold your breath?

Holy crap, Tribbles, I think you're right! My cat just started meowing again, and I open the door to see him sitting there hunched over a torn apart wattle bird. Wing here, some feathers there. He likes to let me know he's eating things, and he does the same thing with lizards. He'll meow at my door until I open it and watch him eat the damn thing.

It's like he's threatening me...

He does like to chew on my eyebrows and arms after I get out of the shower. (No joke. He really does.)

Are you getting Valentines Day gifts for anyone?

no

Do you think you could capture Cupid and make this whole Valentines Day come to an end?

No. But it does end at midnight.

How many chocolate covered strawberries can you eat?

depends on where she places them
do dogs enjoy lickin themselves

I don`t know.

Don`t you think you ought to ask them first?

Yep. Did.
That was some fun.

Ever heared an eagle fart?

Hi Ravennah

welcome to mingle.

No, I have never heard an eagle fart, ezxcept for on payday.

Have you ever had the eagle burp and fart for you?

no
if an eagles beak is to short, do other eagles tease him and say he's got a small pecker?

Only if they are "pecker" wreckers.

Ever had your "pecker" wrecked?

wild sex nite...yup
ever stop at a green light?

all the time.

Ever go at a red light?

yup
ever run a stop sign?

yep.

Ever been to a rodeo?

once
ever get chased by an angry rooster?

nope.

Ever see "1000 ways to die?"

I reckon.

Ever gone down yonder???