I was reading this NY Times article about the phenomenon of extreme shut-ins in Japan...

http://tinyurl.com/7gysn

And it rather chilled me how much I found myself personally relating to it. The writer claims that Hikikomori is a specifically Japanese syndrome, but I don't think that this has national borders. I know I'm a sort of extreme case but there seem to be a lot of people like this in the USA as well.

So I'm wondering: and let's be honest here...How much social life do people really have outside of the net? How well are you doing economically? Do you find it is really hard to get by without staying with your parents?

I live by myself but really, it's not living, because I do not have enough money to eat and I don't have anything at all left over after rent and bills. What's more, employment is a bit of a problem for me. Far more qualified people than me have trouble getting entry level jobs and it seems anything I find ends up being temporary, and when I get canned, it's always because of some vague non-personal reason which seems to tell me it's actually a very personal reason. (I have always remained straight when I have a job and I'm at work. It just doesn't seem either right or fun to get high when I am supposed to be doing a job...)

I'm quite literate and feel that I'm a good writer, but when it comes to just making the sort of dumb small talk people like you to be able to make in a job setting, I just fail massively. I don't share interests with the sort of people who keep track of sporting events, soap operas and suchlike, so I can only answer conversation about these subjects with a blank, vacant stare, which is easy for people to misinterpret as either me being completely out of it, or being a snob.

I don't WANT to come off with a supercilious attitude, but the bottom line is, I don't find this sort of thing interesting to talk about or engage in as part of my "pursuit of entertainment", and the effect of this, socially, is to isolate me from co-workers and turn me into "that person no one likes" in any work setting.

Has anyone else ever experienced any similar situation in their own lives, and if so, how have you dealt with it?

I think isolation is something that we do to ourselves.

We lead ourselves to believe that the "approval" of others is needed to be social. It isn't true.

In a conversation about something you know nothing of or have no interest, you basically listen and ask questions about how the person felt about it or if the person thinks that means such and such, etc...

You don't have to have watched the program to engage a person who wants to talk about it.

I do agree though that with the economic status people are more homebound and are probably doing more non social socializing on the web.

I am a social butterfly. I have a large core of long-time friends of 15 years or more. I have a great career and I have an exuberant social life. I can’t relate to societal dysfunction.

If I could wave a magic wand, I would “cure” everyone from being publicly awkward.

I wish I could put that sentence on a mental Sticky-Note and affix it to the edge of my mind, so as to make it something that I'd always remember when finding myself in this sort of situation.

You're right...it doesn't need to be as difficult as it gets made to be, when distorted by fear of consequences...Socially adept persons know this by heart and literally never have to deal with it...while neurotics like myself "squidge up" whenever they get a little overwhelmed by their own perceptions of inadequacy. 87% or so of that "squidgy" feeling is probably completely bull. I wonder where it comes from, and why...

Fear, I think.

Fear of rejection maybe.

Some people seem more prone to this fear than others are. I used to be that way. I finally thought about it and realized what happens to me if they don't like me, nothing.

So the investment in making them like me went away and then I could really just be myself without worrying about it. When you relax a bit, people respond positively to it.

I don't recommend having a slew of "friends" anyway but having a few that really are your friends is a great thing.

The term Agoraphobia is frequently used for people that are afraid to leave their homes. They feel only safe at home and may have panic attacks if they leave home. Treatment is required after the diagnosis is actually made. You may have something totally different.

Yeah, I'm not intimidated by running into people on the street or riding the bus or in the grocery aisles...It's just that in the past 5 years or so my urge to go to parties, shows and suchlike just completely evaporated.

I wasn't always like this. When I was in my 20s I was a total clubber type, for a few years, and had several circles of friends that I'd interact with. Those were the pre-internet days...I suppose I would never have found staying at home and watching TV to be as interesting as I find looking at websites and messing around online to be.

A lot of my sociability in the early 90s had to do with my being in my 20s and not having the bloody "midlife insecurity syndrome" that some folks inevitably end up with. It's all about youth everywhere you look...and that can sort of rub off on the mind sometimes.

Although in reality a lot of the things I did and ways I behaved in my youth were really a lot more daft than I remember them being, I did look better, and had more energy to spend, back then. Sometimes I think after age 25 or so, life is really just a really slow process of dying...it's what anatomical science tells us: our cells grow at slower and slower rates when we hit our 30s and 40s. It is ridiculously negative--yet hard to ignore sometimes. (And females have that menopause thing to look forward to...AAACK.)

In Japan do they have a name for those who are on social sites 24/7?

Is their a name for the folks wh make online their only life and have more friends here then in real life cause this must be a fairly new thing

My social life in the world is great thank god and to be held up in the house is scary to me Sometimes I think the internet has really contributed to the whole crazy way prople can escape from reality and declare thier lives and loves to those online

I mean are there really prople out ther e that believe that their onlline life of sitting in their home talking by typing and texting and only on the phone is real? I guess its easier than going out the door and making it in the real world(I'm talking bout those that are on ALOT-like all day and night!) I almost became one of those when I first started but was a strong enough person to see it

I came to this a little later in life I see the younger people much less social in the real world because of it. Thats why my girls were not even allowed a comp in the house until awhile ago.

Am I ranting?--Am I even on subject?--sorry if I am not It is early and I needed to say this---why?--I could not tell ya (all just my opinion)

I have almost none at all. I was in a major car accident last February and had to move to an area where I don't know anyone, and where it doesn't appear that anyone is interested in interacting with newcomers. All of my real-life "friends" disappeared at that time.



Not great, but not terrible.



My parents have been dead for a long time, so that is not an option! I have no family left.



I understand the whole "isolation" aspect -- I spend the vast majority of my time by myself; this actually helps sometimes -- when I need to write something -- but I do miss having someone around at times.

I enjoy isolation to at times

like when I need to think and solve a life problem

Otherwise


I need and want people around me!

To see to touch to hold to have fun with

I can't imagine being in the house all the time-------it would kill me----------it would kill my personality---------it really would be a slow death for me!

"You limit yourself, nothing and no one does it for you."

--Unknown

I know, because I do it. I'm constantly sickened by humanity and all of the selfish causes that it chases, and in that, I'd rather not meet anyone new. I know the people I want to know, I have a girlfriend, soon I'll have a job and even go too school...but I have absolutely no interest in meeting anyone else until which time humanity can show me that they are worth it in the long-run.

It isn't a syndrome...that is just an excuse, much like ADD is to a placebo. Like blaming music for every single shooting, or the movies for violence. Either deal with it, or change it...not difficult.

How much social life do people really have outside of the net? How well are you doing economically? Do you find it is really hard to get by without staying with your parents?


My social life is mostly my family, there are plenty of us and many of us are extremely close in age and relationship. I have always actually enjoyed my own company when not with family so never really had the motivation to have 'friends'. I have had a few friends, best friends, in my years on the earth but always just ONE at a time because I wasnt into groups or cliques.

I asked my husband for a divorce last summer, shortly after losing my job, so yes,,finances are difficult right now. I have two children and I moved from the home where my husband and I split the expenses(he withdrew finances, naturally, after I requested the divorce). I moved with my mom into a newer bigger home where the plan was to split the lease and the bills but work for me has been very undependable, so its rough.

I get through looking at the bright side of things, that I have a loving family, that my children have their grandmother, we have food and shelter,,etc,,, and in regards to current struggles, this too will pass.