Sluvious Answers Santa's Mail

sluvious-Hey bob you won't believe this
Bob-what's that sluv
s-I just got a whole bag of mail addressed to santa
b- damn that's strange
s-maybe the fat guy needs some help this year
b-don't tell me you're gonna open his mail
s-yep, and I'm going to answer them to
b-that's a federal offense
s-please, who would prosecute an imagination
b-arnold swartznegger
s-good point, but the hell with it....
b- I gotta go to the store, you need to send those back to the post office
s-naw, I'm gonna read and answer them
b-have you no pride
s-pride, I don't even have a heart let alone pride

The Letters:

From Johnny, Dear Santa. I want an ipod, an x-box 360, a basketball, and a drum set

Sluvious-Dear Johnny, sorry, but all the ipods are gone, want an x-box?, leave your girlfriend, as for the basketball, your neighbors left one out in the back yard, and speaking of your neighbors, they would never tolerate you having a drum set....

From Nicole, Dear Santa. I would like my parents to get back together again, I'd like the new Eminem cd, my brother to stop picking on me and those new boots that all the girls have, but we can't afford.....

Sluvious-Dear Nicole your mom is so fridged she should be working for me at the north pole, your dad has no intention of returning, your brother will stop picking on you when you stop playing those dumb *** eminem records, as for the boots you want, size 7...your friend Cathy left hers in her locker at school, the combination Number is 12L-16-R-4L

From Timmy, Dear Santa, I want my best friend to stop hurting himself and could you please send me a little brother for Christmas, I'm so lonely...

Sluvious-Dear Timmy, don't worry your best friend doesn't even like you and he only hurts himself to make you feel sorry for him, as for sending you a little brother, send me your Mom and I'll see what I can do....Merry Christmas, from Santa

Brought to you by a disturbed and demented mind

Finn...you've outdone yourself this time.....
lump of coal for you in that stocking,mister...
teasingbrunette

I LOL'd....Nice one Huckleberry...

Nice

Nice work!

Please come back,an back your action?