Daddy issues.
Wish you were still here.
More than just memories with beer
and teared up tissues.
You disappeared.
Escapist.
Depraved divinity defined
in awkward lines as the pine scent twists.

And, oh, the casket.
When I went to touch you...
My hands shook and got me so cold
someone told me to hold on to the mahogany
so they wouldn't turn blue.

And then the wake.
The sadness.
The loss, it passes.
A burnt out car with children covered in scars,
no matter the road, it gasses
out and about. I'm about to shout
at all these half-assed strangers
who love you now
but wouldn't help us out

when the heat got shut off.
My mouth went into a cold cough.
And you cold-cocked me
knocked me in my balls
to the point it dropped me.

I tackled you against the wall
and said, "It's over."
You struggled for a second
as I pressed your throat against my shoulder.

And this is what I remember.
Tomorrow's my birthday.
No five dollar bills in cards,
it's hard to learn it your way.
Alone.
Patient.
Aching and ancient.
Surrounded by women who see you less as a man but a patient.

Forgive me, father.
I have sinned.
I guess I lost your lonely grin.
And in the bottle let emotions spin.
'Til I was cleansed by pens
ginseng and gin.

Want to collapse.
Perhaps its best.
I paid my cost,
got lost, found home,
still roamed,
I passed your test.
You made me a man.
You held my hand
and pulled a gun on my girl's
ex-man
when I was so drunk I could hardly stand.

But my butcher knife was steady.
My neighborhood begged for me
to push my legs back to the front door
so I could fall upon the floor
assuming I could use the key.

Yeah, tomorrow's my birthday.
22.
And where are you?
Drinking better scotch?
Well, I don't think that's true.

I see you with that Dewars.
But I'm torn to shreds each night in bed
with nightmares that pierce like skewers.
So much for the sewers.
The run-off's in my brain.
I can't maintain.
I left you when you were at your worst
and I'm consumed by shame.

But I really don't regret.
I do forget.
Which might help.
But I can hear my yelps so I bet
that at best I scratch the surface
of a question that needs no answer.
I can't stop thinking of the black
liquid we quickly labeled cancer.

I knew better.
Happy December.
Remember the weather.
Eroded by headaches and shakes so strong
I longed for a teather
just to hang myself with a letter
hung to my chest -
with an arrow pointing upward,
"This kid's ****ing stupid...
but he did his best."

We both know that lie.
Well... I guess I was going
to go somewhere with this before I was distracted
and now I don't want to try.

someone told me to hold on to the mahogany
so they wouldn't turn blue.

^whew.....

tackled you against the wall
and said, "It's over."
You struggled for a second


^been there done that, and sadly after all these years of recollecting, the only thing that still hurts is my hand. Felt this to the core

No words.

Thanks for always reading my stuff, man. It means a lot to me.

One word, doll - thanks.

wonderful expression in this

the emotion and openness is truly great

yet another fantastic write...

nice write

WOW! I can't even find the words to tell you how amazing that was!

To give-in,is to give-him,,all that you are, As for me, I said **** them all. This is me, not an 'IT" he beats me to be, I AM,,,what YOU see, and I LOVE ME!

Just a note, and a PRAYER,,life for you,,,is NOW,,,,all YOU seek..

This took me back, places that STILL, remain,but a glance to feel then days of SHlT,,,so I split,and found ME..wink
Nice write and i'm sorry for all that you felt he took.

This is the most supportive writing community that I've encountered online. For all my words I can't quite express how much that really means to me... thanks to you all. I wish I had the time or patience to respond to every comment that any of you took the time to personally write in response, but I don't. Know that I read and appreciate every single one; some I appreciate more than others.

It means more to me than you'd probably figure.

Awesome write.

Hits home and gut wrenching for all of us that didn't have the "ideal family" whatever that is. A reminder of things I have long since tried to supress...but never really gone.

That is awesome descriptive writing!
I lived in abuse and I know all those feelings.

You did a fabulous job relaying and releasing.
You are right this IS the most supportive site as far as poems and writing.

Thats why Im here too.