I just set up a profile on a free site yesterday, and no sooner did the
smoke clear from the USB ports when this message showed up. I am going
to break this down, line by line, and then offer a response, in order to
prove how really bored I am.

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Subject: Hi there!
Body: Hello. I never know what to say in these things! Not a real pro
here!!!

Then wouldn't it make more sense to think about what you want to say
first? And then come up with something a little better than what you
actually wrote? Like I haven't seen "I never know what to say" four
billion times!

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I'm looking for a regular guy who enjoys the simpler things in life, for
instance, do you like snuggling in front of the TV?

No, I hate that. I'm allergic to it. In fact, my doctor told me if I
do it ONE MORE TIME (or pet a dog, or take a long walk on the beach), I
will die instantaneously.

===========================================

As for myself, I enjoy many things. I'm very adventurous and love to
experiment.

Do you have a lab and some cadavers in the basement?

===========================================

I have a very hard job so I love to chill out.

Does your job involve any kind of writing, or thinking? In that case, I
can see why it's so hard.

===========================================

I often go to the movies and go relaxing over a hot cup of coffee. I'm
not looking for anything very specific right now. I would like to start
off with something rather casual.

How about a book on "Creative Writing"? That casual enough for you?
Because I think you've got "Cliches For Dummies" memorized.

===========================================

Btw, please don't respond directly to my message. I'm using a friend's
profile account because I'm not a paying member here. So send your
response to my email address instead: ***************** at yahoo..

Hun, it's a FREE SITE. NOBODY is a paying member there. And you HAVE a
profile on the site! (By the way, that picture is not you, unless your
"hard job" also involves doing skin cream commercials on TV.) Stupid,
stupid, stupid.....

The worst part is, she's not even from Russia (as far as I can tell) --
claims to be right here in my town!

I think I'm gonna have to pass on this one....

have seen too many of those myself...laughable

Yeah she doesn't sound as beautiful as Olivia Hillary anyway Lex...Plus
Olivia has a famous dad!!!!!!!

This cracks me up, thanks for the laugh. :)

Ahh...Lex...LOL...Those are free entertainment...no? They hone our
sarcastic nature...lol...

Oh, I forgot to mention -- I took a look st her profile on that site,
and she has 4 pictures up. 4 of the SAME picture. And it's someone I
saw on a commercial.

I bet this girl doesn't even KNOW Stefan Martinovich. Has he ever even
BEEN in a skin cream commercial?

Yea, i get those "russian" women all the time, they all look like models
from playboy and all have the same story!!!

Lex..... get outside.....unless you're in Oman

Alex -- I looked outside -- there's nothing out there but cows and pigs.
And some of them may be Russian. I better go say Hi to Comrade
Porkovich.

"I love quiet evenings at home with a bottle of fine wine." "No, I'm
not going to sleep with you." "And once more, last time I walked on the
beach in the moonlight, I cut my foot on a piece of glass and had to go
to the emergency room. Cost me $500. Your soul mate, Sushi"

HIM: You are such a beautiful woman. ME: Get
outta here before I pull the pin outta this genade! She: I am a
vivacious woman. He: Take a valium
and call me when when you stop bouncing off the walls. (Courtesy of a
male friend who HATES the word VIVACIOUS).

OMGosh...Lex...here's what I just got...lolHow are you doing i am Sara
and i will love to know your name too

if you are intrested in getting to know someone knew i will be willing
to know who you are as i am single looking for a man to spark my life

Hit me back if you are that one

Sara Smith
N.B
I will love you to get back to me on my email address so we can get to
mail eash other in our private emails so we can get to have some privacy
when we are mailing each other.This is my email address
*********@yahoo.com


Yeah..I will be sure and do that!

These really are a problem. I keep getting one from guys, obviously scam
mails, whose wives supposedly died in car wrecks. I can see people being
widowed, but why the rush to assure us the spouse is really, really,
truly dead, by explaining the cause? Oh, okay. It must be true.

Lex, maybe you should write back to them and offer to pay for a
membership for them on this site.

I don't know if I can afford it, especially if she intends to send out a
LOT of these e-mails!