Traffic Stop


1st Officer: "Guess who I pulled over in a traffic stop the other day?"
2nd Officer: "Who?"
1st Officer: "Janet Jackson!"
2nd Officer: "What she do, was she speeding?"
1st Officer: "Nah, she had one headlight out."





Ten Signs Your Partner Needs A Vacation


10. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren.
9. He is starting to develop a crush on one of the transvestite hookers
he arrested.
8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good
in a collar.
7. He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all
suspects should be executed right there on the spot.
6. He talk to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half
is the "bad cop".
5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat.
4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers.
3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his hemorrhoids.
2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel.
1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!




How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but he is
never around when you need him.



The Helpful Wife


A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation
takes place:
Man: What's the problem officer?
Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat
belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man: Shut your mouth, woman!
Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?
Wife: No, only when he's drunk.




DUI

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for
possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of
the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before
he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his
keys for several minutes.
Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he
started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was
waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer
stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test
to determine his blood-alcohol content.
The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver
replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."




Deputy Gomer

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not
exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's
right."
"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had
never thought of himself.
"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a
minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to
hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant.
"It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder
case!"




What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.





In Hot Pursuit

Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles
per hour.
"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?"
The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do."
"Oh, NOOOO!" yelled the brunette. "Are his flashers on?"
The blonde turned around again. "Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..."


Bubba & Earl

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a
couple of bottles of Bud.
The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police
roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"
"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish
drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our
foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?", asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl.
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put
label on each of their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been
drinkin'?"
"No, sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "We're on the patch."





THE WORLDS WORST COP JOKE

Quasimodo, the demented bell ringer of Notre Dame, put an ad in the
papers for a assistant bell ringer. One man applied for the job but he
had no arms.
"How are you going to assist me?" asked Quasimodo.
"That's easy!" replied the man and he ran at the bell and banged it with
his head.
BONG!!!
"That's amazing!" said Quasimodo. "Could you show me that again?"
"Sure!" said the man and he ran at the bell again but he missed the
swinging bell and fell out of the bell tower. A crowd huddled around the
hapless man lying in the street and a police office asked, "Does anyone
know who he is?"
Quasimodo came out and said...
"I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME, BUT HIS FACE SURE RINGS A BELL!"


A BLONDE POLICE STOP

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police
officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also
happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally
said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look
like?"
Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on
it!"
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a
small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face
and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the
blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and
said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer
too, we could have avoided all of this."



How many cop jokes are there? Just two, all the rest are true!

Better be careful no cops read this Tom!!!!

They'll be after you over there!

like them jokes my son is a cop...but like ba530j

lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi uk,

I love these!!! Great!!! :)