How do you know when it’s time to put up or shutup in the world of cyber
dating? Say you have interacted left and right on a site like this, done
the IM thing until the fingers hurt, talked on the phone until the ears
hurt, web cams, text messaging…all of it.
When do you decide it’s time to meet in the real world?
What compels you to move forward, or not?
Do you seek advice or trust your gut?
What decides it for you?

Take it to the real world asap...for a no fuss, no pressure coffee
date...get away from the footlights of this great resonating tin
can....and drag into the harsh light of reality.

I was chatting with a friend, about the lifespans of cyber relationships
just today, and we agreed there is about a 3 month life span, if not
dragged away from these mediums...

SO get it out there, and see it for what it is...depending on distances,
etc...

Nus, from one who has been there many times --

All the phone calls and IM and snail mail and whatever, it means nothing
at all in the long run unless there's some reality behind it.

And the problem is, you can never know for sure about the reality (or
lack thereof) until you're sitting there with that person, looking that
person in the eyes.

When do you decide to meet? It's so easy to get comfortable with the
idea of letting it slide, letting it stay like it is, letting a fantasy
take over....and if you're OK with living in a fantasy for the rest of
your life, I suppose it doesn't hurt anybody (except maybe the other
person, if they're not thinking along the same lines) --

So, in my opinion, if it looks like there's a spark there, or even the
potential for a spark, I say meet as soon as you can. Find out. See if
the distance-spark carries over into the reality-spark. If it does,
great. If not, you've avoided wasting a whole lot more time on nothing.

Trust your gut? Nah, gut can be fooled sometimes. Sometimes you WANT
it to be fooled. I always listen to it, but I never use it as the sole
determining factor in these things. I HAVE done that in the past, and
it turned out badly.

I have seen that, most of the time, even when you want to think it will
work, even when you want to think that the other person is exactly what
you're looking for, there ARE red flags -- but red flags are easy to
ignore if we keep our eyes closed.

All I can tell you is -- if it's real, it will be real in person. If
it's not, then the best thing is to find out as soon as possible, so you
can move on.

If I had taken my own advice, way back in the old days, I could have
avoided about eight absolute train wrecks!

I just got tired of people not trusting me, or acting like I might be
some crazy person...plus there is the distance issue.

Besides...my dream girl was right down the road from me.

Now I am here just for friends, and there are alot of really wonderful
"real" people here.

YOU JUST JUMP!!!!!!!!!!!


AND TAKE THE NEXT STEP


WITHOUT THINKING ON IT SOOOOOOOO


MUCH!

Lee, you have a wonderful and mysterious way with words. Thank you so
much!
Lex-somehow you and I seem to take a pratfall into similar piles of
life. Thanks for the strength of your experience, my friend.
Klugman-I am floating in a similar raft upon the pond of this site right
now...there are great people here and I am enjoying the ride. Thank you
for your response.

Thank you as well, Tulip. I was writing the above while you were
responding.

********THE COFFEE IS ON!!!***********
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COFFEE NUS?????????

This is usually hard for me...the very first meeting. I think first
impressions are important. I would say, just go for it, it can't be any
worse than sitting alone behind this damn computer. Make it light,
hopefully your close enough to go for a drink...or a cup of coffee at a
Starbucks somewhere. Where ever it is, I hope you have fun JB...

Thanks Tulip...I think I will!

Puffins-you are a sweet and wonderful woman, but my question is a search
for answers for someone else...it has nothing to do with me.

I'm done with the cyber dating thing. Especially after this last
relationship.

All though this is all still relitivly new to me, and I have may not be
able to say much. I will offer my support and my thoughts anyways.

All though there is only really one person that I have talked to for a
long period of time, that I have met off a dating site. I think time can
be a tricky thing. To soon could cause disasters, you could just be
going on the young puppy dog love, or the first crush feeling. So you
have to know when the right time is.

To me if you have done the IM thing over and over again, did the phone
and e-mail thing until you are blue in the face. And those feelings are
still there. Then maybe it is the time to meet. Take it to the next
level.

To me snail mail is a personal thing. Something that really only happens
when you really have true feelings for a person. It gives you a bit more
of them.

So to sum it all up. It all depends on the person and who the person is
talking to. Where they are and how they feel. You can listen to your
gut, all though it can fool you at times. But I think you need to listen
to your heart and your mind.

Look at all the pros and cons. See if there are any type of red flags.
Weight the pros with the cons. And if the pros out weigh the cons then
go for it.

Just one womans opinion.

Katertots-time out is always healthy! But please hang around this
place...if even for your fun screen name! Thank you for your response.

Whisper! What can I say? Thank you my friend. The weighing is all until
something unexpected tips the scales...thank you!
Welcome back?

i'll stick around but the dating scene i'm through with.

I have learned (not from this site) that IMs and phone calls mean
nothing, except you maybe might sort of kinda want to meet the person.
IMs and e-mails, phone calls can be deceiving. If the person lives close
by, meet them asap, for coffee or something brief. If they live far
away, that is a tough one. If they live far away, you have to be
realistic and not get too carried away w/your feelings. I would keep
dating and trying to meet people, but try to work them in on a vacation
or something.

Katertots, thanks for hanging around!

rivergirl-it seems distance is a predicament. But don't you feel that
the distance posed by time is just as great? The not knowing being
overpowered by the need to know if the communication is real?

i dont do online datin any more eiether but i love hangin out with you
guys so here i am..you guys are awesome....hugs and muahssss

I guess I don't believe in the long-distance thing. I ain't going
nowhere (moving, that is). I would date someone who was w/in, say, a
3-hour drive. I need a lot of alone time, and I'm not looking for
someone to be around me 24 hours a day, or wants to be around me 24
hours a day. I still would meet the person ASAP, but not get my hopes
up. Maybe I am too much a realist.

Sassy-you are the awesome one. Thanks!

rivergirl-a pragmatic approach is admirable. But what if you find
yourself, as they say "swept up" in the emotion of it all?

Then get a grip! Lol. I don't think people purposely lie, but they sure
are on their best behavior. It's really fun to get caught up in your
emotions--I do it all the time, let me tell you. And it's nearly
impossible not to get your hopes up. Maybe if you participate in online
dating, there is always the possibility that one day you're in love, and
the next you crash and burn. That's the risk you take.